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Just Said Yes October 2019

Am i out of line?

Victoria, on September 8, 2019 at 2:32 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 12

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I feel like my FMIL has ruined my wedding.

When we started the planning process, we made it clear to everyone that this wedding was for our friends and family only. My parents didn’t invite their friends or coworkers. I have a lot of cousins so there were significantly more of my family members listed on the guest list than my FH’s family.

FMIL didn’t listen to our request and invited her coworkers, neighbors, and a few people because, this is an exact quote, “they invited themselves.”

Because if this, we imposed a rule regarding plus 1’s that only the bridal party and married couples were allowed to being guests.

Im 5 weeks away from our wedding date and have been getting bombarded with people who are anticipating they’re bringing guests, all people doing this are the people she insisted had to come. I told her no that if these people have to bring a guest then she has to uninvited some of these people that aren’t family.

I’m so angry and it’s putting strain on me and FH because he feels caught between two people he loves. I’m paying for the whole thing using inheritance I got from my grandparents.

At i out of line or being a bridezilla about this? I already submitted the final guest count to my venue and don’t have enough in my budget for overages.

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12 Comments

Latest activity by Naikesha, on September 13, 2019 at 10:02 AM

Dedicated June 2020
Tera · on September 8, 2019 at 3:07 PM
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Honestly it would be upsetting for anyone to have added wedding guests without their consent. If you are paying you should get to decide who attends. It’s unfair for you to feel stressed so close to your wedding. If she wants the extra guests she should pay for the extra cost. Or she needs to tell her guests they cannot bring plus 1s. It’s hard because it’s family and everyone wants to avoid arguments but still it’s about respect. Maybe sit down calmly with her and your fiancé and explain you are feeling stressed and upset about what she did and for her to understand your position.
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on September 8, 2019 at 3:42 PM
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If you are paying for it I would put my foot down. Your FH should be supporting you on this and tell his mom no. I would talk to him and get him on the same page and have him to talk to her ASAP.
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Devoted July 2020
Christina · on September 8, 2019 at 4:12 PM
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Oh no put your foot down. This is not okay. Did you send them an invitation? If no then technically they were never invited.
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Master October 2019
Laura · on September 8, 2019 at 4:17 PM
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Put your foot down for sure. If you allow her do this it will let her think she can do this for anything to do with your lives...trust me on this, I speak from experience with my first marriage.
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Master January 2021
Andrea · on September 8, 2019 at 5:59 PM
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Yes, you really need to put your foot down with this one- I totally agree with Christina and Laura. Your FMIL isn't paying anything, she really has no say in the matter whatsoever.
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Dedicated April 2020
Haley · on September 8, 2019 at 7:00 PM
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I say uninvite all of her extra guests and be done with it. If that's even possible since you didn't actually invite them. It's cheaper to hire a bouncer than to pay for all of those extra people.
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Savvy May 2021
Mari · on September 8, 2019 at 11:35 PM
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I agree ☝🏼..
you’re the one who is paying , those other people do not need to be there.
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Expert October 2019
Megan · on September 9, 2019 at 8:53 AM
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I didnt have this exact scenario but a miscommunication (my dad wasnt clear to a family friend that I DID invite about her 3 children, their spouses and grandchildren). I had to backtrack with her and be honest, "I only have x spots and most of my list has already RSVPd. I'm sorry for the miscommunication."

If you're paying for this. I would stand your ground. I understand your FH being conflicted but hes should really be the one talking to her about this. If he refuses to, just "uninvite" all the uninvited people.
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Super October 2021
Nicole · on September 9, 2019 at 3:16 PM
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Your FMIL is out of line and your FH needs to have your back on this. Yes, it sucks that its "between you and his mom" but you are his #1 priority. I also think it's incredibly rude for her to invite all of these people when you are the one paying for the wedding. Not you AND FH just you.....she should buck up the plate costs for her added guests.... I'm upset for you
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Dedicated October 2020
Neena · on September 9, 2019 at 3:25 PM
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This is ridiculous. Unless she is financially helping she has no place inviting anyone or telling anyone they can bring a plus one. What a nut! You need to have a firm talk with her and she needs to pick up the phone and start making some calls
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Super October 2021
Suzie · on September 12, 2019 at 7:47 PM
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Exactly this! If you are paying, she 100% has no right to invite whomever she wants. It’s already out of line that she invited coworkers, and to expect plus ones is even more ridiculous. Did you already send these people an invite? If not, I wouldn’t. You have every right to say it’s your wedding and this is not appropriate and you cannot and will not pay for these people. It’s also not fair to your family for her to be doing this. And your FH needs to back you up. You are his soon to be wife! Wife trumps mother.
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Super September 2020
Naikesha · on September 13, 2019 at 10:02 AM
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Listen if your FMIL is footing the bill for the extra people ok but since she's not they are off the list. Your FH should be on your side because you are footing the bill and you are his new priority.
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