Am i expected to Attend Alone?

It is hard as I see both sides. I agree not inviting the significant other is rude but at the same time if a person is having a small wedding and is keeping it to just family then a part of me understands that. I am not sure your relationship with this cousin but if you two are close and the pure reason is just due to size and budget I wouldn't not attend. If they are just being shady to your fiance then I get it. If distance and money is an issue then I can understand that too. I guess I am also playing devil's advocate and maybe the cousin just wanted to extend an invitation to family. Plus until I started coming to these forums I did not realize the importance of inviting someone's significant others or a lot of other etiquette rules...benefit of the doubt your cousin does not know. Esp if it is a guy.

Hey (cousin), I just wanted to check about the wedding. Is my fiance not invited? I only ask because the invitations were only addressed to me and I will be sending my RSVP soon and needed clarification.

Could be a complete oversight or they could be like so many others on here and don't plan on giving anyone plus one's.

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He's definitely not one that would be up to par on etiquette which is why I even considered asking him. We have a family reunion on my family ranch every August. It's been a thing for 80 something years at this point. 200 people come out with tents and campers and we camp out for like a week. We have an outdoor kitchen that we set up and we all eat together, the kids play in the creek, etc. All of these people are very distant relatives. Like I couldn't even tell you how I'm related to him... lol SO if it were a small family event, I wouldn't have made the cut. Personally, if I couldn't invite a couple as a unit, I wouldn't invite them at all. I'm not going to drive 5.5 hours by myself and pay to stay in a hotel alone.

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We live in Texas and this cousin of mine is a very simple person so it wouldn't surprise me if he just doesn't realize... lol Thank you for the wording. Everything I came up with sounded awkward.

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LOL wow 200 people. I know that when I was first planning things and we were discussing a small wedding I was just going to invite my friends no plus ones and my FH was the one to say we cannot do that. I really never thought of it as rude until someone explained why but I have attended weddings alone just because he did not wanna go lol....so I never thought much of it. I agree with your post and I would ask him as Sherry suggested and if he says no then like you said do not spend the time and money if your FH cannot go.

First and foremost, your FH is not invited. With all due respect I’m just trying to be honest, when planning a wedding no one forgets to put either plus one, or another persons name on an invitation. Also I understand what you’re going through because Especially with the cost of weddings and capacity limits you have to factor in that your cousins spouse also has family and friends that they need to add. I’m running into this issue right now where people are upset because they won’t be invited to my wedding, but my future husband‘s father is one of nine children, and they all have children and spouses. It would just be way too Impossible for us to afford all of his people not to mention his mom side and then my father and mother’s side. I would not take it personally at all I would just assume that they couldn’t afford to add another person onto their wedding guest list because that is the reality of it. Your cousin knows that you’re engaged and wouldn’t Deliberately exclude your FH. They simply just can’t afford it. IfDo you feel this strongly about your FH being there I would just RSVP back no and focus on your wedding. If he asks why you couldn’t attend you can then tell him you and your FH have a lot going on with your wedding and that is that.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. It is definitely viewed upon as rude, but at the end of the day some people honestly just can’t afford the extra person. I know me n my FH can’t. My FHs father is 1 of 9 kids and his aunts and uncles all have kids and they have spouses and his aunts and uncles all have spouses too. Then we have to think about his mom and then my mother and father and my family. At that point if we invited everyone and their spouses we wouldn’t have been able to invite our friends who we see every day and who were really close with. We initially said we were going to have a 60 person wedding and then because of this dilemma it turned into 100 people and we are maxed out and people are still upset that their boyfriends or girlfriends aren’t coming. I really didn’t want people at my wedding that I didn’t know, but people get so crazy when it comes to my guest list. I wish I could have all of them, with the exception of the people that I don’t know but at the same time I really just cannot afford it.

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Like I said, I'm not trying to get another invitation... lol I am very aware of how expensive weddings are. If this were supposed to be a more formal event, I wouldn't even question it and I'd RSVP no, but it's definitely on the more casual side and weddings in our circle of people are very laid back. If I didn't think he'd be offended (if he did invite us both) that we declined, I wouldn't give it a second thought.

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Oooooh that is rough. Yeah sometimes it is for budgetary purposes which to me is understandable. However, I do see the original post in that if you do not feel it is worth your time and money then I would not go. If I really wanted to attend someone's wedding then I would go solo but if it was not that big of a deal then I would not and plan a date night with the FH .

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I had this problem. My grandmothers siblings are invited but I couldn't invite any of their children that are my age because there are 4 siblings and each of them have a ton of kids. I had to draw the line somewhere. I think the line can definitely be drawn at "plus ones" but someone that is going to be my husband in 7 months, is no longer a plus one in my opinion.

If you love your cousin to death you probably have a good relationship with him. I'd just ask him. Say, "I wanted to RSVP to your wedding ASAP but wanted to clarify if the invite was just for me or if [fiance's name] was invited as well. It will help me make an informed decision and travel plans."

If your mind is made up - you'll go it if you and your fiance, but won't go if its just you - that's fine. But it's better to get clarification now than assume one way or the other.

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For sure! I just sent him something similar and he responded with "Of course you're both invited? lol" I explained why I was clarifying and he said him and his fiance gave a list to her mother and she messed up multiple invites. Guess I have my answer

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Yea a lot of times these things are simple mistakes and people end up tip-toeing around issues because of etiquette instead of just having a simple, respectful conversation to clarify things. I'm sure there are other people who would have just not asked and RSVP'd no and that would have been so unfortunate for you both. Glad you and your fiance are both invited and hope you have fun!

View Quoted Comment Yeah I understand where you’re coming from, it just sort of seemed to me that it’s slightly formal seeing as how they did send out save the dates and invitations. But you obviously know your cousin better than any of us so if it’s important to you then maybe you should call and ask. There’s no harm that can be done there. Best of luck and congrats to you on your engagement!

View Quoted Comment Oh wow! I guess it’s a good thing you asked! Hopefully he gets in touch with the other people whose invitations she messed up too.

I would just text your cousin and ask. I would be super offended if someone assumed they could invite me to a wedding and not my husband/fiance so I think asking is totally fine.

I would just flat out ask if your fiance is invited because you are uncomfortable traveling that far alone.

I would ask for clarification. You don't know who is making the invitations and the information that is communicated to them. My fiance's family gave me a list of family friends and I have no idea who they are, so I'm sending the invites as the information was given to me. Even his friends I have no idea their relationship status, so I'm just putting the names of those that I know. I have no idea if these people have spouses, dates, kids, or whatever. It's possible too that my fiance has been given this information, but he just hasn't relayed it to me. A simple question "Hey, congratulations on the wedding! I am so happy for you. I wanted to clarify my invite before I send in the RSVP. Is my fiance X invited as well? Let me know and I'll send in my RSVP promptly." (Or something to the like).

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This is actually what happened! I ended up texting him and he seemed confused that I would ever think my fiance wasn't invited. He said they gave a list to his fiance's mom and she took care of it so a lot of info was lost in translation