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Maureen
Devoted November 2021

Am i crazy?

Maureen, on February 7, 2021 at 6:03 PM Posted in Planning 0 36
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My really really good friend and are both engaged. I moved mine from Oct ‘20 to Nov ‘21, and she has always been March 2022. My mother has been in the works with our family about my bridal shower for the end of June, which I just found out. I had know idea about this because it was SUPPOSED to be a surprise, and she hadn’t told anyone but immediate family to get plane tickets moving. My friend started a group texted with girls about her June 2021 (9 months before her wedding) bach party the same weekend, and the Airbnb is booked. No heads up to seeing what my mom was cooking up. My mom wasn’t thinking about her plans, because she didn’t expect her to have a bach weekend 9 months before her wedding. I’m really hurt she didn’t ask me what my even plans were, what my availability was as another bride and work together on it. I could of easily asked my mom for her and or her reach out to her. Summer is already tight. I just think my friend should of asked my mom what her plans were for my bridal shower, and that weekend only works for my family. She already booked her Airbnb and everything, didn’t consider my planning at all. I’m not asking to involve you in all of your plans, but when two close friends are engaged, I expected a little transparency and consideration from her to me, my sister who’s helping my mom, my mom, and my FMIL.


And I wrong to be hurt? On top of all of it, she told my mom she “doesn’t need to get approval from her on her own planning”. As if that’s what my mom was asking for. My mom thought a kind text of, hey I was planning my a bach party for the summer, what are you plans with Maureen’s bridal shower looking like?” Would of been perfectly fine. I just feel hurt, so am I wrong to feel this way? It feels very behind my back.

36 Comments

Latest activity by Judith, on February 9, 2021 at 11:46 PM
  • Tory
    Devoted May 2022
    Tory ·
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    This is very difficult. It is hard to just assume that she should have to check in with you in regards to her own wedding planning. However, I do think that if it were me, I would want to check in with my close friend and whoever was helping to plan the events prior to the wedding so we didn’t have a situation like you’re in right now. It’s not like you knew the shower was happening since it was a surprise, and it’s fairly easy to get a refund on Airbnb, especially if you’re just rescheduling the dates. I think that she could have been more considerate because her bachelorette party is happening so far out from her wedding, so it’s not like she wouldn’t have plenty of time to hold it at a different time leading up to her wedding, whereas you have less months leading up to your big day to reschedule a shower where all of your family can attend. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation and I hope you guys can work something out
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  • Maureen
    Devoted November 2021
    Maureen ·
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    She won’t move it either. I just feel so hurt for my mom. She has tried to hard to set the perfect date. I have an aunt that has to be up north for her grandsons birth and a graduation. I have my nieces birthday, then there’s Father’s Day. Then there’s a Christmas in July party my mom considered, then there’s hurricane season, that’s just my family events! That’s not including what my FH mom might have up her sleeve this summer. She doesn’t need everyone to come down, she just wants to see her sisters Smiley sad I just feel bad. My friend is a teacher and is off allll summer, but won’t move it.
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  • Maureen
    Devoted November 2021
    Maureen ·
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    Also, my mom is having hip surgery and taking care of having my 90 year old grandmother making sure she gets the vaccine. My parents are rockstars and just feel sideswiped
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  • A
    Expert September 2020
    Amanda ·
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    I probably wouldn’t have checked with your mom if I was her. This really just sounds like a coincidence. If your wedding was in June or something like that I’d get being angry but it’s so far before you’re wedding there’s no way she’s supposed to know it could be your shower weekend. If the place is already booked, it doesn’t sound like she can do much. I really think it just sounds like unfortunate timing.
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  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais ·
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    What I think is weird is that she didn’t check with the guests of her bachelorette to see if they were available?
    That’s so weird! I wouldn’t check with a mom of a guest but I’d definitely check with the guests themselves.
    You’re not obligated to go to the bachelorette, if it were me I would just say you already have your shower planned and go to the shower:
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  • L
    Dedicated August 2021
    Lw ·
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    Did your mom check with her before planning a party? It doesn’t sound like it so why would your friend have checked with your mom? It really does sound like coincidence. I agree with Anais, why did she not check with guests? If she did check and that was the group message, you can’t really fault the friend. Just skip the Bach party and go to your shower. Maybe you all can go on a newlywed trip or something fun.
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  • A
    Devoted May 2021
    Ally ·
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    I’m confused. Your wedding is in November right? How was she supposed to know your bridal shower was going to be five whole months before the wedding? Most people do it 2 or 3 months before. I can see if it was family she would have asked but not a friend, especially because June isnt close to the wedding. Sorry I don’t really get what the problem is
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  • Maureen
    Devoted November 2021
    Maureen ·
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    My mom literallyyyy just confirmed with her sisters to come down, her family was and is her first priority and was planning on telling her this coming week
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  • Maureen
    Devoted November 2021
    Maureen ·
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    In Florida, people avoid anything in hurricane season. If she was considering that for her bach party, why wouldn’t my mol
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  • A
    Devoted May 2021
    Ally ·
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    But did she check with you before booking her bach party? I would be more concerned with that than if she checked with your mom because maybe she didn’t know your bridal shower was going to be a surprise. I have to be honest, if it was me I wouldnt have thought to check with your mom in this situation but I would have checked with you if you were in my wedding/one of my best friends
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  • Maureen
    Devoted November 2021
    Maureen ·
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    Nope she did not.
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  • M
    Super June 2021
    Melanie ·
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    Agreed with PP. While you have the right to be upset that the dates overlapped, she doesn't have any reason to reach out to your mom. Just as your mom wasn't thinking about her, she wasn't thinking about your mom's plans. Your wedding isn't until November, so she would have no idea that your shower would be that exact day. I would just go to your shower since it's already planned and say sorry you can't make her bachelorette.
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  • A
    Super September 2020
    Alli ·
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    I find it weird your bridal shower was supposed to be a surprise lol what if you already had plans that weekend...
    As far as the friend, it definitely sucks, but I would just tell her you can’t attend and she won’t be at your bridal shower; unless your shower can be moved to another weekend. My best friend could not attend my bridal shower, but I got over it pretty quickly. Either way, enjoy your bridal shower!
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  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
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    While I understand the feeling of disappointment, I don’t think you have the right to feel “hurt” or angry. Your friend didn’t have any sort of obligation to check with your mother, just like your mother didn’t check with her. Both of your events are being planned further in advance than is average. It’s just an unfortunate coincidence that both were planned on the same weekend. It sounds like both parties are unwilling to change the date, so simply decline to go to the bachelorette and enjoy your shower. Your friend will understand.
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  • Karla
    Super February 2020
    Karla ·
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    I actually understand her planning her bachelorette party that far in advance— it looks like she wanted a summer celebration and if she planned it closer to her March wedding, it would have had to take place during the winter.


    Your bride shower is 5 months before your wedding which isn’t common. Maybe she wasn’t expecting you to hold it so early so she didn’t think it would be a problem.
    Do you have a large overlap of guests for her bachelorette and your shower? If not, I don’t see what the problem is.
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  • Megan
    Devoted May 2023
    Megan ·
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    Both of you have weddings so far out from the summer--it just sounds like bad coincidence. I'm guessing she wanted summer weather for her party. If mom didn't check in, friend isn't obligated to either.

    This sounds like a sad moment where you both won't be at eachothers event, but I wouldn't read too much into it outside of crappy scheduling.

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  • Maureen
    Devoted November 2021
    Maureen ·
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    The surprise was my aunts coming down, sorry for missing context, that was the scheduling my mom was trying to figure outs
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    I agree with this.
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  • mrswinteriscoming
    VIP December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
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    I’m going to be upfront and honest with you – your friend has done nothing wrong and you are feeling upset and hurt because you have yourself imposed an expectation on your friend which she didn’t meet. It is always nice when friends are getting married near one another to ‘check in’ with the other to see when they are planning for things to take place. With that said, there is no obligation to do so, and the four months between your weddings is significant enough that I wouldn’t generally anticipate any overlap. In this case, it has been an unfortunate coincidence but I wouldn’t look into this as being any deliberate event of sabotage.

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  • A
    Super October 2021
    Ashley ·
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    Unless you’re in each other’s weddings, neither of you had any reason to share dates for stuff early. If she was in your wedding, she absolutely should’ve been told the shower date right away. If you were in hers, you should’ve been told the bachelorette party date right away. Otherwise, you find out when you’re invited. She had no reason to check with your mother about your plans. How could she have known your mom was even planning your shower already? Your shower is much earlier than most, and she had no reason to expect it to be that soon. It’s also common for other people, such as the MOH, to host the shower, not necessarily the mother.
    It’s absolutely okay to be upset that they ended up being the same weekend, but no one did anything wrong.
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