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Just Said Yes January 2022

Am i being unreasonable?

Mary, on November 14, 2020 at 11:13 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9
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My fiance and I are wanting a small wedding. Which means due to the current state of the world with the pandemic we have narrowed down our guest list to 50 people of close friends and family. Mind you my fiance has a pretty big family and we had to make some cuts, but we also plan to have a livestream/recording of our ceremony so those who can't come can still feel included. My parents have offered to chip in and help with the venue and dress, however my mother is down right furious that I won't invite a few of her friends and my uncle who I just honestly can't stand. I'm always polite and friendly when I see them but the last place I want to see them is at my special day. I've allowed some of her friends just not these select few and my uncle. My fiance supports my decision on not inviting them to the actual ceremony but allowing them to attend via the livestream. His family seems to understand and respect our guest list. However my mother keeps constantly reminding me she's helping me pay for this and that and I can't help but worry that I may be being unreasonable and ungreatful. I just want to be surrounded by the people I love on my special day, not stressing over people I feel couldn't honestly care less about me. Advice for a stressed bride to be?

9 Comments

Latest activity by Haleigh, on November 15, 2020 at 8:40 AM
  • Chantelle
    Devoted October 2021
    Chantelle ·
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    If it were me, I would not accept my mom’s money. Her money seems like it comes with strings attached, especially since she likes to remind you/rub it in your face that she’s contributing funds. Forget her funds and keep your guest list how you want it to be/what you can afford on your own. If money is kinda tight and if are really relying on your mom’s contribution, then you may need to give way to your mom. But still not cool how she reminds you of the money. Good luck!
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  • M
    Super October 2022
    Michele ·
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    Your wedding, your final say on the guest list. Since her monetary contribution has string attached that you don't agree with, don't accept her money and have the wedding you want that you can afford yourselves.
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  • A
    Super September 2020
    Alli ·
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    How terribly selfish of her... ugh. I would not accept the money and have the exact wedding you want. I went through this in September... MIL offered a small amount of money and we agreed to accept it for the wedding - a week later she said she invited 3 friends (which with covid restrictions is a huge issue) and thankfully my H put her in her place - told her to keep her money and uninvite her friends that we had never met. We had the most magical wedding because we did every single thing how we wanted it. 🤍
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  • Michelle
    Master April 2021
    Michelle ·
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    I’ve seen this so much! Whenever a party is contributing any $$$’ s to the wedding, they think they get a say so in the planning. It ALWAYS comes with strings attached. My fiancé & I are paying for everything, so we get to make all the decisions. His parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner. However, his mom is super awesome & isn’t controlling any of that. She wants us to choose the place, give her the guest list, the date we want & she’ll take care of the rest. If I were you I would tell your mom that since her funds come with strings attached, you won’t be accepting it.
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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    I would plan on paying for it myself and inviting who I want!
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Plan the wedding you want with the guest list you want and pay for it with your own money. Does it suck that money comes with strings attached? For sure. Is it totally out of line for your mom to want to invite a couple of people to an event that she’s paying for? Absolutely not.
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  • Erin
    Expert May 2021
    Erin ·
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    No you are not unreasonable !! Its you day! That being said, i would nicely but firmly say “mom i invited A, b, c, of your friends already, with covid we need to keep capacity down, and i REALLY dont want x, y, z there on my wedding day, i want MY nearest and dearest there! Xyz can watch via zoom
    (Now this is my personality, blunt and not sugar coating) otherwise i would give the money back, and only pay for what i could afford
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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    When you accept monet from others, you are accepting theur control. I would not accept a cent from my in-laws nor my family because of this.
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  • Haleigh
    Savvy October 2021
    Haleigh ·
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    I definitely recommend not accepting any money from her. Trust me, it doesn’t get better. My mom was the exact same way with the guest list and my fiancé and I decided to cut off financial ties from her.
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