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Savvy May 2021

Am i being unreasonable or is she?

KatieBugg247, on May 19, 2019 at 12:06 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 9

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So some of you might’ve seen that FFIL has some health issues and refusing treatment so FH and I plan on doing a intimate elopement in August of this year so FFIL can enjoy seeing one of his children get married before he starts to decline health wise.

My sister, as far as I knew, was planning to have her elopement in December. Apparently it was being planned since December though and they are doing it three days after our date. I did not know this when FH and I talked about it and made the plans for it. She is not having our mother go to hers since it’s out of state and they plan to do a bigger thing for their families next year, possibly!

The reason FH and I picked August is because FH wants us to be in our own house before we do it, the place that we picked is outside and August is the last month before weather begins to get cold and rainy. We also have FFILs health to worry about, we don’t know when his decline is going to start but know that when it does it’s going to be quick.

My sister and I do not have the best relationship, in fact we have not spoken to each other in over really six months at this point until I reached out to try to repair things and wish her luck on her job interviews and school. Now she is demanding that I either move our elopement date or go back to not speaking or having a relationship.

Am I being unreasonable with staying with our date in August or is she for demanding that we change it?

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Nicole, on May 20, 2019 at 1:56 PM

VIP June 2019
Formerbride · on May 19, 2019 at 12:11 PM
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I don't think you're being unreasonable. It seems like your lack of communication between the two of you has caused this misunderstanding with the date. It's unfortunate that the two ceremonies are so close together, but I don't see why either of you should have to move your dates if you dont want that.
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on May 19, 2019 at 12:16 PM
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Because you’re primarily changing your date for your FFIL’s health, she should be more understanding. If you explained that and she’s still threatening your relationship I would probably express my disappointment in her decision but let her go.

If both of you are doing elopements and not even worried about sharing a guest list, I’m not sure why she’s even upset?
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Master July 2019
Hannah · on May 19, 2019 at 12:58 PM
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I'm confused as to why your August elopement would interfere with her December elopement.
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Expert August 2020
Heather · on May 19, 2019 at 1:08 PM
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Did you explain your reasoning for it? I understand how difficult it would be to have two ceremonies within such a short time frame. But seeing as you two rarely speak, it seems like you didn't know how close the days would be. She should definitely be more understanding of you FFIL's health and your reasoning for doing it. I think that's pretty immature of her to threaten not having a relationship because you're trying to do a kind thing for your FFIL.
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Master October 2020
Mandi · on May 20, 2019 at 1:34 AM
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I dont think either of you are being unreasonable. You didnt know her date and have a good reason to go early. She should also be allowed to be mad because you picked a date that is so close to hers.
I'm guessing y'all are just having small weddings and not actually eloping like I believe and elopement to be.
I think the 2 of you need to talk it out. Maybe you need to move your date 2 or 3 weeks in either direction.
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Savvy May 2021
KatieBugg247 · on May 20, 2019 at 8:43 AM
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I was told her elopement was in December but it was being planned since last December. Her elopement is August, three days after the date FH and I choose.
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Master July 2019
Hannah · on May 20, 2019 at 9:01 AM
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Ahh ok, I misread that. Sorry. Either way, you have picked the date due to your FFIL's health problems. If she is giving you this ultimatum, she's being selfish. Do what you feel is best for your family (excluding your sister). If she really wants a relationship with you, she'll understand. If she doesn't, she most likely wasn't that interested in mending fences to begin with.
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Dedicated June 2022
Jayne · on May 20, 2019 at 12:13 PM
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Okay, let me see if I have this right. She started planning hers in December and chose a date in August. You misunderstood and thought her date was in December and chose a date in August. At some point and time it became clear that the dates were 3 days apart and neither of you have chosen to change your dates.
It is unfortunate that you misunderstood from the beginning, but I wonder even if you had had her date correct, would you have chosen another date? Doesn't sound like it.
You are both within your rights, you to choose whatever date you want and her to be upset that you chose one within 3 days. She is over-reacting and you are inconsiderate. So you are both wrong and yet both your positions are understandable.
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Super October 2021
Nicole · on May 20, 2019 at 1:56 PM
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I think if you've clearly explained to her why you've chose to move up your date she should be more understanding....that being said, if you're having an elopement could you do it even earlier in the summer? so its not as close to her date?
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Am i being unreasonable or is she?

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