Am I being the dreaded bridezilla?

I live 1500 miles from all 3 of my bridesmaids so none of them were able to help with anything. I was able to get their opinions but for me it wasn't possible to have them there physically. FH and I did everything together so I guess I just don't see it as a very big deal if they aren't physically involved in every aspect.

If she can't attend the shower or Bach party, cut her some slack. It's hard with a newborn. At least she still wants to be part of the wedding and that's all that matters in my opinion. Shower and Bach parties are extras. She is not being selfish.

DId you ask your bridesmaids to help you with planning or just assume they would jump in and do it? Some people won't assume you need or want help unless you ask them to.

As far as the bridesmaid with a newborn, I think you are going overboard with asking her to leave the bridal party. She has a newborn so most likely she has to be there for feedings etc. it just might not be possible for her to leave for the night right now with the baby. You could always tell her to come by and stay as long as she wants but I certainly wouldn't be mad or pressure her.

Just remember peoples lives don't revolve around your wedding, your bridesmaids are busy people and you need to be understanding of their time as well.

Thank you guys.... Just need outside perspective sometimes, you know?

Yeah I would never want her to leave my bridal party... I love her too much. I just feel so dumb asking her to help with wedding stuff. She has a baby on the way! Napkin colors and stuff seems so silly compared to what she's going through.

So, I personally think you're being way more than reasonable. I'm a Bridesmaid in my friends wedding, and she started planning her Bach and I'm like WOAH LADY that's our job!! If your MOH can't be there, then she needs to talk to the other bridesmaids and have someone else dictate the bach party and go from there. I don't think there's anything wrong with them not helping, but like Kaylarae said, she got their opinions, it sounds like her BMs wanted to be a part of the decisions even from so far away. You should sit down with all of them and get their opinion on something that hasn't been decided yet! Maybe this is something where they don't feel like they've been invited to get involved, and you need to be really obvious that you want their help/opinions. If they still don't want to be involved you should straight up ask what's going on. As for your MOH, I don't think you're being a bridezilla by wanting them to help/be involved/take part in planning your bach.

You should talk to her and if she really does want to be a part of it, tell her that her opinion and her presence means a lot to you and you really want her there.

ETA: I don't think you should take her out of the wedding. But she shouldn't be against helping you if you ask, none of your BMs should be against helping you.

Since when are bridesmaids supposed to help with that stuff anyway? The bride and groom should pick out venue, flowers, invites etc. Don't worry so much - she still wants to be in your wedding. I would actually tell her to bring the baby to the shower if she wants... I'll get grief for this but I think it would be fine with me (when I had my first wedding.. Not doing any of that this time.)

I am doing all those things by myself, but I prefer it that way. My MOH lives about 6 hours away from me so it's a little difficult for her to be involved in every day decisions. But I text her daily so I can inform her and get her opinion. BUT with that being said, I do see where you're coming from with the comment. I was called a bridezilla this weekend because I was mad that her and another BM made an appointment to pick out other dresses that what we decided on first (3 months ago) I do not think I was being a bridezilla, but guess what I'm going to be on Monday at that appointment (because I'm going to raid it). Lol I'm sorry she called you that, sometimes things like this just happen at bad times.

You are NOT. The whole point of the bridesmaids is to help you!! I know she had a baby but teh others should step up. I am so sorry!!

Send them these

http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/articles/bridesmaids-duties-in-detail.aspx

http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/bridal-party/articles/maid-of-honor-duties-in-detail.aspx

with a smiley face

I think asking her to step down was over the line. Bridesmaids don't HAVE to help you plan your wedding. That's your job along with your fiancé. They also don't have to plan parties - although it is of course a nice gesture. Their purpose is to stand up for you in support of your wedding on the wedding day.

Umm please do not listen to Sallie! That is terrible advice. Just because something is on the internet doesn't make it true. That is NOT the point of bridesmaids. They are friends not servants. Be prepared for drama and a damaged friendship if you send her those articles.

I think you are overreacting a bit... The bride and groom should plan the wedding, you may consult your party on ideas and such but I don't think you should expect them to help with the actual planning. They do the fun things (shower and bachelorette, and filling your wine glass throughout the reception!) My bridal party is so unbelievably busy, I wouldn't think to bother them with the details or expect their help to be honest. Just remember this is the biggest day of your life! But not necessarily everyone else's.

I don't like the "duties" thing. My MOH is due to have her baby a few months before our wedding and I'm certainly not expecting her to be able to handle all the traditional duties nor would I want her to, I want her to enjoy her little peanut and have a great newborn life. But if she couldn't even be bothered to help me with a decision when I ask her for her opinion that's a little annoying. Especially with technology the way it is. HEY COME PICK A NAPKIN COLOR REAL QUICK. Hey can't send pics? SURE. I mean... come on. Opinions are easy.

ETA: to say I agree with Emily. They aren't slaves... or even close to that.

Whoa! Lots of different advice! Lol. I never asked her to step down. I could never do that. I just told her if she thinks it's going to be hard with having the baby (and she's also moving) I said she didn't have to be in the wedding to avoid hurting my feelings. I care more about her having a happy healthy baby than anything related to my wedding. I think I'm going to do what Aliyah suggested and just have a Skype meeting where we can all talk and maybe I will get their opinion on something.

Yay! I'm glad I helped. Get their opinion and tell them how much they mean to you and how much their opinion means to you!

Eeps, don't send those links.

Many of the things that you have listed that you have already done, couples usually do without the bridesmaids anyhow. I don't think your bridesmaids have let you down. If you need help ASK for it, don't wait for them to offer and be upset when they don't (hint: it might just not be on their radar!)

And I don't mind the planning, in fact I really enjoy it. I just wish I could share in the excitement without being called a bridezilla? It made me upset because I haven't asked anyone to do anything. Nada. Of course I don't expect them to help me book a venue or anything, that would be silly. I'm planning my wedding out of state and I guess I'm it's realizing I might need help... And now I'm feeling afraid to ask for it.

Don't be afraid to ask for help! I'm not even an MOH for the wedding I'm in, and I went with her to visit a few venues before her and her fiancé went to see the one they ultimately picked. And I loved going! If you talk to them and say, "Hey, I really really need some help with x, y, z and I really want to enjoy my wedding planning with you guys because you're all important to me." They really should feel happy to help. They may be busy, sure, but they did agree to be your bridesmaids, which means they like you a little bit! They definitely should want to help, whether or not they are too busy is up in the air.

Eh I didn't read those links... I appreciate anyone wanting to help, so thanks to all of you guys. HKLO you are exactly right. I think I'm definitely expecting them to know I need help without asking. I am going to ASK from now on. Thank you.

I just re-read my post and laughed out loud. It really does sound like a bridezilla! I don't think I explained myself well. Oh well, you live and you learn!