Am i being selfish?

You're not being stupid, but you also shouldn't expect your friends and family to set their own priorities aside to help you plan your wedding. That reponsibility belongs only to you and the person that you're marrying; not your mom, not your sisters, not your bridal party. If they're able and willing to plan pre-wedding events for you, that's wonderful, but also not a requirement.

I understand the frustration but unfortunately that is out of your control. My MOH/sister lives in India and I am in Texas. My mother is not a wedding person and could care less about it. I've also had to plan everything on my own. While it's not the picture perfect wedding planning experience, it is what it is Chin up! Your day will be beautiful. Don't doubt that!!!

You aren't being selfish but I do think your expectations are too high or maybe movies and TV and given a false idea of what the bridal party duties are. Technically, showing up on the day of in the correct attire is their only requirement. Sure, some go to the dress shopping, plan showers and parties etc but only if they are able and want to. I am sorry you aren't feeling like you are getting the full experience but all of the wedding planning is really only on you and your FH. Anyone helping is just a bonus.

I didn't mean for them to do it for me. not by any means, I guess it came out that way.

I think all of you are right. I think my expectations are too high. darn hallmark channels and other movies. ha! Yeah I suppose it is my fault. Thanks ladies

Oh sweetie I totally relate. I live about 4-5 hours from where I grew up, my mom doesn't travel and my best friend is still in the same area and its really difficult for her to get time off. My mom literally has yet to see the house I bought 5+ years ago because she's been here once in the 9+ years I've lived up here, and I have yet to see my best friend since my FH proposed four months ago, so she still hasn't seen my ring. I ended up going wedding dress shopping once with the wife of one of our groomsmen (which I'm pretty sure made my MOH a bit jealous), but I ordered my wedding dress offline and got it a couple of months ago and up until last week no one had seen it because I didn't have anyone to show it to.

I'm not super into all of the pre-wedding parties and such, so I don't feel too bothered by not having an engagement party, or a bridal shower, or a bachelorette, but it really sucks not being able to do any bridal stuff with any of the women who mean a lot to you. I haven't even been able to go MOB or MOH dress shopping with my mom or best friend; I went "home" for Thanksgiving and my mom was too busy cooking and my best friend too busy at work (she works in retail/fashion, so the holidays are super busy for her).

I don't think the MOB/MOH are supposed to be a huge help in planning, but they are definitely people to bounce ideas off of, and when they aren't available it really sucks. There are a lot of things I would have really appreciated advice on that they are not able to help with (my mom doesn't even have a cell phone or the internet at home, so I literally need to email her photos and wait for days to get feedback on any of them). The worst part is I think both want to be involved, but they haven't been super proactive about trying to be there for me either. I do feel like I've been doing a lot on my own, which for the most part is fine, but it also feels kind of lonely too, especially since I can't even share some details with my FH (like my wedding dress and entire bridal look has simultaneously been super exciting and super isolating because I feel like I'm so alone in trying to figure it all out).

I think its totally normal to feel how you do. Especially since the media/society makes such a big deal out of everything and creates such unrealistic creates expectations, so if you are a person who wants a shower and bachelorette (nothing wrong or selfish about hoping for either), feeling so isolated is magnified that much more. With how difficult it has been to put all the details together with so little support, I actually think you'll really appreciate having these important women there for you on your actual wedding day even if right now it feels really lonely. Even though I really loved the idea of eloping or doing something really small, we are planning a full wedding + reception (60-80 people) and I think I'll really appreciate having my mom and best friend there for the day itself, even if preparation has been an exercise in total independence.

I don't think you are being selfish for wanting emotional support during a time in your life that is both exciting and stressful. Hang in there!

Thanks Kari! That's exactly how I feel. FH just kinda says "whatever you want babe". He really wants to see the dress and I do not want to show him. The girls have seen it and that was the last time we were all together. And I've still got much to do to finish prepping for our big event. But I just didn't want to do it by myself ya kno? silly. but, my expectations were to high, not by any means, I don't want them to drop their own lives. That was the whole reason for picking a date and time 4 weeks away.

I get it so much. It's just hard. And its probably difficult for your sisters and mom as well because they do want to be there for you, but people have work and other responsibilities and coordinating schedules is that much more difficult when people aren't in the same area. I'm sure they wish they could be more involved too. Whenever I get bummed about feeling "alone" in all the bridal things I try to focus on all the things people are doing to support us and how amazing it will be to marry the man I love.

My wedding is a week before yours and i haven't even sent my invites yet. I feel like its still too early. People tend to forget and majority are in town, so i don't have to worry about them not showing up. Also, our wedding has less than 50 people, so they all know the wedding date by now,,,i think they do lol.

But my bridal party is all my sisters. They are all under 15. Plus, i was raised with thinking i gotta do everything myself, so i am not expecting anyone to do anything. It also helps that the venue we are having it, it already included so it's not as stressful. I say just bring it up to your girls, if they want to help, good. If not, just understand that you tried. But in this case, you gotta let them be and work on it yourself. At least you have more control over the situation.

I feel like movies portray bridesmaids and more specifically, the maid of honor, as being way more involved than they typically are in real life. I was a bridesmaid once and my cousin is still one of my best friends but how busy her wedding party was made her really upset too. It affected our relationship for awhile but she realized that she wasn't being reasonable. We worked through that though and her daughter is my goddaughter.. she realized that I just had my own life. Working full time and going to college full time was a lot. The last thing I thought about at the end of my day or in my small amount of downtime was her wedding. Other bridesmaids worked full time and had small children.

Even after being the bridesmaid in this kind of a situation, I still experienced feelings of confusion and frustration myself when I was engaged but I learned so much during that time. I feel like it is important to remember that we get married when we are ready. My husband and I decided that it was a good time for US to get married. WE were ready to spend the time and money it takes to plan a wedding. My friends and family did not make the decision to dedicate the next 1-2 years to planning someone else's wedding. I was grateful that everyone was able to make it to the wedding, had beautiful speeches prepared (if they chose to), and that the wedding party set aside the money and time it took to get measurements done, pick up their outfits, and spend an entire day celebrating us. I really learned to accept that anything extra they chose to do was their choice and nothing more was required of them. I had a bridal shower because my sister and mom were able to set aside the time to do that for me but I would have understood if they wouldn't have had the time. Only 2 out of 4 bridesmaids came because they aren't local, some local friends had work and don't have PTO so i wouldnt expect them to all miss out on 8 hour of pay to come to that. Most who did make that decision did so for the actual wedding which made sense to me.

Sorry for rambling but I truly realized so much during the planning and have continued to now that the wedding is over. I think about how dumb it would have been if I would have lost friends who didn't want to make decisions they weren't comfortable with because I decided it was what I wanted. It isn't worth it.

Besides, planning a wedding with my husband.. making all of the decisions.. even the decisions one of us didn't care about as much as the other.. was one of the most intimate experiences we have ever had. I miss it sometimes.

No you are not being selfish. I am actually going through the same thing. But I just pace myself. I have felt that I am doing everything on my own even with having a wedding planner/coordinator. So at least when I do it, I know its being done and taken care of.