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Just Said Yes July 2019

Am i being ridiculous?

Breanna, on May 31, 2019 at 10:11 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 8

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As a little girl I always dreamed of having a big wedding. But nobody in my family has weddings really, it's rather strange. So fast forward to when I get engaged. Nobody really says anything much other than congratulations. It was a long engagement (3 years) because I wanted to finish college first and was on a full scholarship. So now it's 2019 and we really want to be married. We've been together 6 years and I want to officially be his wife, and vice versa. I had some major medical issues in those 3 years and unfortunately had to use a lot of my savings for hospitalizations and ongoing treatments. Even with both of us working full time, we were just making it as young college students fully supporting ourselves. So I suppose my problem is we planned a casual ceremony and reception that everyone in our families could attend, but my fiances mother intentionally ruined it by not securing the nearly free venue (she's friends with the owner) and we had to totally plan something new....40 days or so out. We had to contact over 250 people to cancel the invites we sent out a week prior. So now we're eloping in a big city near by. I know it's going to be the next best thing, and ultimately the only thing that matters is my marriage to my fiance, but I can't help but feel robbed of my opportunity to have all my friends and family there to watch and support me. I know I'm rather jealous of seeing my friends rush into relationships and have grand weddings, and then im stuck eloping with a beautiful 6years relationship. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with eloping, it's just not what I always dreamed of. I know for some people it's perfect. Am I being irrational or too emotional about all this? I really feel I was done wrong by my future mother in law.

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Jayne, on June 3, 2019 at 9:01 AM

Master August 2021
Jasmine · on May 31, 2019 at 10:46 PM
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I get where you're coming from and I personally think it's a bit emotional. It does completely suck 1000% that your FMIL didn't book with the venue but I wouldn't necessarily say you're being irrational. However, and I know it's not the same, but you can always save up for a bigger one later on. Like elope now and then maybe do it big for your vow renewal. I know it wasn't your ideal plan but at least it will still be something to look forward to and you get your grand event.
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Master September 2020
Jessica · on May 31, 2019 at 10:47 PM
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I can understand and sympathize with your feelings. My FH waited until I was done with school to propose because he wanted me to focus on finishing my degree. We actually got engaged on our six year anniversary this year. I’ve had to change my vision for the wedding, compromising and getting creative to keep costs down. Ultimately, we are going to have a very small ceremony with only those closest to us, and hope to have a big reception later when we can better afford it. I understand eloping isn’t your dream, but maybe you can do a vow renewal celebration in a year or two and have the big celebration you’ve dreamed of.
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Super July 2020
D · on May 31, 2019 at 11:24 PM
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Not irrational or too emotional at all. I don't care if I'm in the minority but your plan of having a bigger celebration and then having to change to an elopement because of someone else, is being robbed.
Are you sure you can't find another inexpensive place? I know you don't want to go back and forth with your guests. Your day will be wonderful regardless.
The upside of having a vow renewal is saving up money for it. But no, it's not the same. Take comfort in knowing you are getting married and that was the plan all along.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on June 1, 2019 at 12:01 AM
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A big, beautiful wedding doesn't guarantee a lasting marriage - the people in the marriage do! You and FH could always have a large vow renewal later when finances are better! I'm so sorry you're having to go through this!
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on June 1, 2019 at 1:14 AM
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This! Now that you’re done with school you guys can save some money. If you do a vow renewal or reception just plan it all yourselves, no MIL!
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VIP January 2020
Vicky · on June 1, 2019 at 4:43 PM
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This is a different story than you told last month, where you were complaining that your MIL DID secure the venue for you - for free - but you found out that the ceiling tiles had been removed and you weren't sure how far into the remodel they would be at the time of your wedding (44 days later) and were worried about the aesthetics and possible safety issues. So you decided to cancel the original plans and elope with just your husband in a beautiful space in the city, saying that that's the type of wedding the two of you had actually wanted to have.
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Super December 2021
Casey · on June 1, 2019 at 7:27 PM
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Okay I just read that thread and yeah the inconsistencies here are astonishing and.. strange. I don't understand what's happening, why anyone would lie like this (and yes, you are lying. One of these two posts must be lies, they're entirely contradictory.) I'm not sure why you'd do that or who it's for..
That aside- I'm also confused by this post alone. 40 days out and you had NO venue contact? No contracts? Emails? Verbal confirmation?
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Dedicated June 2022
Jayne · on June 3, 2019 at 9:01 AM
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I'm sorry but it should have been YOUR responsibility to insure that the venue was appropriately secured. I don't care what she said she would do, as an adult if it's important to you, you don't just turn it over to someone/anyone else. I don't even lay that kind of responsibility on my spouse if it's my dream. Shifting the blame to your fmil is not going to help you feel better about it and certainly won't help the relationships.
Oh just read about your other post....................... if this is an indication about how you deal with reality, you've got a tough road ahead of you and need to do some major growing-up. I question whether you're really ready for marriage.
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