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Rebekah
Just Said Yes July 2021

Am i being petty?

Rebekah, on December 31, 2019 at 2:04 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 18
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My fiancé was invited to his friend’s wedding about three months ago and they did not give him a plus one for me. We’ve been dating for over 7 years and I knew one of the brides at least casually. I was really hurt that I was not included and it also was on our anniversary so I ended up being alone for our 7 year anniversary while my fiancé traveled across the entire country to attend their wedding. He has put them on the guest list and I honestly don’t want to invite them but also realize I’m being a little petty because I realize that it wasn’t personal and probably was due to finances. 🤷‍♀️😬 Should we invite them? Lol 😂 When I think about them being at our wedding, I get a little angry.

18 Comments

Latest activity by Megan, on January 3, 2020 at 4:17 AM
  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    They were definitely very rude to not invite you. Plus ones are for single guests, not people in committed relationships. You and your fiance are a social unit and should have been invited as such. I definitely understand feeling hurt and angry. But it seems like they are important to your future spouse, so I would maybe voice your concerns with him and see what he thinks. I personally would feel angry but also want to respect my husband's invite list (within reason at least. There was a post awhile back of someone's fiance wanting to invite the mailman or something like that).
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  • KiwiDerbyBride
    VIP May 2015
    KiwiDerbyBride ·
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    You should absolutely have been invited - as one half of a long established couple, you’re not a plus one. Couples are social units who should never be split up. What does he say about the situation?

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  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
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    Yes, it’s petty not to invite his friends simply as a payback. Why be like them, when you can be better?
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  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
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    I don't think you're being petty because I would feel hurt too. If they aren't close friends then I wouldn't invite them. If it happened to me, I wouldn't invite them.
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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    Honestly I am slightly petty and agree with you but at the same time like a pp said of they're important to your fh them you should let it go. I would discuss it with him. Maybe his friend can come and not w the wife but truthfully adulting is being the better person so while I would want to do that it would probably be better and just invite both. I think your feelings are justified but you may need to bite the bullet on this one. I would ask you fh his thoughts.
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  • Alycia
    Expert September 2021
    Alycia ·
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    Honestly, its a little petty I get it though. I Wouldn't worry too much, your the bride this time all the eyes will be on you. Also you'll be the bigger person.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Make a point of posting every time you see people disregarding the usual practice of inviting both halves of a couple together, saying if they do not know someone's SO or fiance or spouse, they won't invite them because they do not want anyone they don't know well at their wedding. It is rude, rude, rude. As long as you know one well enough to invite, it is a package deal: both members of a couple, or neither. Just last night I clicked away from multiple posts where women were saying just invite the one you know. Well, that is wrong, and hurtful. More people should speak up and say so .
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  • A
    Super August 2020
    Alex ·
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    What they did was wrong and you have the right to be upset and hurt. In my opinion, that is completely unacceptable to not invite someone in a serious relationship.


    That being said, you also have to be the bigger person for your FH. It is his friends and if he wants them there, you have to let them come. Sometimes being the bigger person sucks.

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  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
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    I was in your situation a couple of years ago, only I knew both of them - they told FI they didn't invite me due to space, but I knew they didn't like me and they suggested at points that was part of it. It strained my FI's relationship with them, especially the wife. She also never wanted to hang out with both of us together, only him. They are not being invited to our wedding and aren't really part of his life anymore.

    I don't think you're being petty and I (obviously) would not invite them.

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  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
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    Agreed. I do this too.

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    I agree Yeah, nasty as what they did was, I would say fine to FI inviting them --- because OP loves him. They are his friends. And because OP should be the better person. ( Even though she will have acid reflux at the thought )
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  • Cherry
    Expert February 2020
    Cherry ·
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    I'm petty as hell - I'm not inviting anyone I don't want at my wedding, period. It's such an intimate thing, a wedding. I only want my favorites and closest people there.


    They were definitely in the wrong to not invite you - married or not, you were definitely part of the social unit everyone else has mentioned. If FI is pushing for it then you should respect his wishes because you love him, but I'm sure he knows already how you feel about the situation. I'd talk to him first to gauge the situation, be clear and honest about how you're feeling, and see what he says. He might agree it's petty and you two could laugh about it and continue with plans to invite them, or he might think your feelings are valid. You know him best. (To be sure, if you just drop them from the list without discussing it he will question it and that could turn into something not good.) Smiley heart

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  • Rebekah
    Just Said Yes July 2021
    Rebekah ·
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    Thank you! We’ll invite them and I doubt I’ll even care on the wedding day because I’ll be too happy! Sometimes, we have to be the bigger person.
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  • Jennifer
    VIP August 2021
    Jennifer ·
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    I don't think its petty, they were rude to not invite you in the first place! I would talk to your FH and see what he thinks!

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  • Angel
    Expert August 2020
    Angel ·
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    That is so extremely rude of them to not have invited you. You are NOT petty AT ALL! Definitely discuss with your fiancé because I would not invite people like that to my wedding who blatantly were just being rude. That would NOT slide with me, nope.

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  • T
    Expert May 2010
    Theresa ·
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    A bit off topic, but why did FH think it was ok to go to a wedding you weren't invited to and leave you home alone on your 7th Anniversary? Why would he not decline the invitation since you weren't included? Or, why didn't he bring you anyway, and you could amuse yourself while he went to the ceremony, then meet up with you after to have your own celebration?

    I think I'd be a bit more upset with FH actions than his friends.

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  • Rebekah
    Just Said Yes July 2021
    Rebekah ·
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    I wanted to go but for the cost of a round trip ticket across the country and then having to take off a day of a day of work it didn’t seem worth it. :/ Instead, he booked us a nice staycation when he got back to celebrate haha Once I realized I wasn’t invited, I told him he should still go. Smiley tongue
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  • Megan
    Dedicated September 2020
    Megan ·
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    That was super rude, seven years is not a short amount of time, I wouldn't invite them.

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