Am i being petty for uninviting a friend to my wedding?

I would do both. The question is even with her acting funny, would it bother you if she wasn't there? If not do both. Is what I think.

Unless she’s dangerous or abusive, it’s not a good idea to uninvite someone from a wedding. It can blow up badly.
From what you wrote, it sounds like she won’t even be a bridesmaid anymore, so you won’t have to worry about her sticking around you too much during the wedding anyway. I got vetoed by my husband to remove someone from our list (lesson in compromise haha) when we were planning that I thought didn’t deserve to be invited to our wedding. I ended up only interacting with that person once and it was for just five minutes at my reception. Merely a blip out of my whole long joyous day.

Uninviting her might make you look petty. She's done nothing wrong with respect to your wedding.

The etiquette is that you don't uninvite people to your wedding, so there's no really polite way to do this.

It’s a faux pas to uninvite guests. The exception is if they are abusive/violent/criminal.

Meh, I am disagreeing with everyone else here. UN. INVITE. HER. That is SO rude to claim she can't afford to go to your bachelorette party and then go to 2 other expensive out-of-state events (including another bachelorette party). This person is toxic, does not appreciate what you have done for them in the past, and I would not just uninvite someone like that from my wedding, I would uninvite them from my life. And I did both of those things....here is my story lol.

I had a toxic frenemy I had known since grade school who had me as one of her bridesmaids. She was the WORST bridezilla I have ever seen, punching her husband in front of everyone while we were helping decorate the venue (she felt he was socializing too much and not helping enough even though he was talking while working), and while all the bridesmaids were getting ready the morning of and talking about different topics here and there (I think we were talking about Phantom of the Opera lol) and she bursts into the room and screams "IF YOU AREN'T TALKING ABOUT THE WEDDING, YOU DO NOT SPEAK!" Like a complete psychopath. Add to this the fact that she had this little unofficial outing planned with all the bridesmaids to go look at flowers in the LA floral district for fun (it's not who she was using for her floral vendor), and the night before that trip my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me via a facebook message...no joke. AND I found out he left me for his karate student who I had already had vibes he was cheating on me with. I was devastated, cried the entire night, and I was totally not ok. Yet she ripped me a new one for telling her I couldn't go to LA to look at flowers that morning...she basically said it was my obligation as her bridesmaid and she had zero empathy for what had just happened to me.

Fast forward to my wedding and I was stupid enough to ask her to be a bridesmaid in return. Then when it's time to schedule my wedding dress shopping, I tell her 2 weeks in advance and she says she can't go because she's in school and needs to study. I could not believe this complete narcissist had acted like the world was ending when I had a traumatic breakup and declined to go look at flowers that AGAIN wouldn't even be used in the wedding, yet she thought it perfectly fine when the tables were turned to refuse to go dress shopping because of imaginary homework. I cut her from my bridal party, and from my life. And I feel such a big relief not having toxic people like that sucking my energy.

It's your wedding, it's your day, and it's your mental health. Do NOT feel obligated to have anyone selfish there who will ruin your mood. Period.

Her behavior is super annoying, but I don't see it as disinvite worthy. Disinvite her if you're ok with cutting her off completely. Absolutely let her know she has been disinvited rather than letting her find out her rsvp won't work. She may assume it's a technical glitch.

At this point I don’t think it’s about etiquette. Do you want to be friends with her anymore or not? If so, it will be tough to keep the friendship after uninviting her. If not— does etiquette even matter? Tell her you’re tapped out on energy in the friendship and move on. But one thing I would encourage you to consider is that a wedding is an event. People can choose to attend or not. There is added pressure to attend when someone asks you to be a bridesmaid. Yet dictating how people spend their time and money is not the real purpose of these events— is it? Sounds like a conversation with her is necessary. Not something g that can be handled by text. That’s my two cents!! Gosh good luck figuring this out!

View Quoted Comment I really appreciate everyone’s comments, but this one really hit home for me. I put so much into our friendship and I have been getting nothing out of it. It’s so clear to me she’s only ever taken advantage of our friendship. To make the entire bachelorette party fly to CA bc her budget was lower when they all wanted to go to Key West and for her to back out last minute is absolute horse crap. I think you’re right, this person just needs to be uninvited from my life. At this point I don’t care about the friendship anymore.

Wow, girl. This is deep. I can’t really answer if it’s being petty. But I recommend you make a decision based on something you’ll be happy with for years to come. Think of long term, not short.

No not at all. I would’ve done the same thing. She’s clearly not your friend

It’s always that one friend that undercover hates on u. She did u the favor. The universe stopped a blocker from entering ur happiness 🥰

Girl! It’s YOUR wedding! Do what you want! To hell with etiquette…. Etiquette is not going to make me have someone at my wedding that hasn’t been a good friend to me! Nope! Only people who deserve to be at your wedding are the ones who want to see you happy.


But… I will say, you are harboring alot of feelings. Wedding planning is already stressful. Maybe you should address it directly and make a decision to either move on or remain friends. Maybe after the wedding? If it’s too stressful right now. But honestly, doesn’t even seem like she’s going to show up. I’d just let it be for now and focus on your happy day, deal with it later.

I always say err on the side of caution, love, and grace. You dont know the full circumstances of the two other situations you talked about. What if someone else paid for her concert tickets and the trip was really short- drive in, concert, drive home? And what if the other friend funded this girl being able to go on that Bachelorette? What if her IVF treatment failed and going on that trip was a way to destress/cope?


Don't let a wedding ruin a friendship. That could be a lifelong mistake.

I think you should think on this one for a while, and have a real conversation with her. I think some of what lead you to this is a bit of an overreaction, personally. I can definitely understand why you're upset, but I think you need to consider the why behind all of this.

You don't know how much the other bach party cost her. For all you know, the bride could've paid for it for her. She could've decided not to do IVF, or had an unsuccessful round, and had extra funds. She isn't obligated to go to your bach, even if you planned it in her state to make it easier for her (albiet inconsiderate of her). Maybe she told you IVF/doesn't drink anymore because she was embarrassed that you planned it in her state to make it easier for her and she still couldn't swing it.

There is A LOT to unpack here and as someone with a similar experience (except I was her MOH), I put my feelings aside for the wedding, took a break from the friendship after the wedding, and we had a super long, deep convo about it. Our friendship is much stronger these days and I'm grateful I didn't drop out as her MOH even though I for certain thought our friendship had run it's course.

I don't think you need to uninvite her to your wedding, I think you need to talk to her about all of this.

Honestly, it sounds like you do all these nice things for her but she doesn't return it in the way that you expect. That doesn't make her a "bad" friend, she just isn't living up to your expectations. Her expectations of effort required for friendship is different than yours, and that's not uncommon.