Am i being immature?

While frustrating, this definitely sounds like a relatively easy communication error, as long as he is open to getting help, and you are open to learning and working on yourself as well (since all couples counseling has to be a two way street!) Seek out a couples counselor, you can both learn to better communicate and you can bring up this issue. Best of luck!

I don't think you're being immature. It sounds like communication is an issue with you two. I suggest couples therapy. I went with my FH and it really helped us even though we already had a good relationship.

I echo the two comments above- I think couples therapy/counseling would be very helpful for you two. Everybody communicates differently and a professional can give you the tools to effectively communicate with your partner.

Assess if you want someone so critical in your life. There is no reason for him to pick on you because he's angry at another. Once you are in a relationship that is less critical and you argue less, you will see the difference. Perhaps counseling will help you find better ways of supporting each other.

Between your own super young age, the 12 year age gap, his constant berating you, and his unwillingness to empathize with you, I'm seeing a lot of red flags. I think you should talk to an individual therapist on your own to hash out whether you're in a healthy relationship.


A 35 year old dating a 23 year old and calling her immature when she gets upset at him for being unnecessarily critical sounds really ironic. And emotionally abusive. Does he often bring you down and find fault with you?

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Fully agree with this assessment

View Quoted Comment I’m searching for a therapist now. He has slowed down a lot versus in the beginning of the relationship. Now he does it in the midst of his other problems. I try to stay calm and just let him vent but eventually I can’t handle hearing it. Especially when the spark of the conversation had nothing to do with me.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. It’s hypocritical to say you should not get upset or that you should not criticize his criticism of you, when you are actually directly being criticized by him for actions you haven’t even taken! Essentially being complained about due to someone else’s triggering behavior. In this set up it seems he is allowed to get upset with you for speaking up, but you can’t get upset with him for wrongfully criticizing you? Essentially he is the only one who can be upset? This is very wrong, and he sounds a lot like my gaslighting ex (I was 21 and did not recognize the writing on the wall). I’d caution you about these behaviors and advise you to pay attention to the red flags and not ignore your problems.

You are not being immature. There's a way to vent without dragging everyone you know and love into the situation that didn't involve them.


I do think it's a bit of a red flag that instead of listening to you, he just calls you immature. The age gap makes it a little worse. But it's your relationship and if you feel it can be fixed with couples therapy then please give it a try!

Definitely a communication error. My fiancé and I get frustrated as well. We learned to say a word and when that word is spoken both people must stop reflect on the situation then after being calm we approach the issue and state our feelings on how we both feel and what can we do to fix the situation or encourage one another on that. Our word is “Peaches”. It reminds us of the fruits of the spirit and makes us laugh. I use this in many of my relationships(family, Fiance, friends) it can be whatever word you want. And plus it makes you laugh a little too. So try that. This isn’t a blame game. It’s a balance of both listening, and speaking to help grow. And try not to say “YOU” (I.e. well you did this and you did that) try I feel offended and I know it’s not about me and that you are frustrated but what can I do to help encourage you are make your day better. And then see what he says and then go from there and finish the conversation. Hope that helps

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. No one needs to be subjected to this behavior.

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Fully agree with this assessment, this is a dangerous change