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Sara
Savvy May 2021

Am i being a jerk?

Sara, on March 18, 2020 at 9:06 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 12
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Back in December when my FS and I got our invitations we had already made up a list of people we wanted to invite. We sent out our invitations and are now waiting for responses. My mom had a friend over shortly after we sent out invites and she knew we had invites left so she asked if she could invite her friend. I said no. She then asked if she could just give her an invite and I didn't see any harm since I had already given my answer. Now it's been 3 months and my moms friend came over and told her she was RSVPing to the wedding. I've been putting off talking to her for a few days but today I told my mom her friend was still NOT invited to the wedding and she is being butt hurt about it. This friend knows none of our family and friends (other than my mom, dad, brother, and us) and is two more people we weren't planning on feeding. My FS and I are also not close to this person but she's my moms "best friend." Am I just being mean for making her uninvite her to the wedding?

12 Comments

Latest activity by Ashley, on March 19, 2020 at 5:28 PM
  • Ciera
    Savvy May 2020
    Ciera ·
    • Flag
    I don’t think you are, it’s your wedding.
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn Online ·
    • Flag
    Why did you tell her that she could give her an invitation in the first place? That doesn’t make much sense.
    • Reply
  • Heather
    Dedicated June 2020
    Heather ·
    • Flag
    I understandthat your mom would like her there but remind her that it's YOUR DAY! My motto has been "OUR DAY, OUR WAY"
    • Reply
  • Emily
    Super August 2020
    Emily ·
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    Agreed I’m confused why she got an invite if she wasn’t invited.
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Rockstar October 2020
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    You specifically told her she wasn’t invited. You didn’t ask her or permit her to invite her friend to the wedding. I don’t think she’s being fair to you.
    • Reply
  • Sara
    Savvy May 2021
    Sara ·
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    The reason we gave her an invite was "just so she could see it" since we had 10 of our engagement photos on there.

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  • Emily
    Super August 2020
    Emily ·
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    Ohh, did your mom tell her that? I guarantee if your mom was trying to get her there she didn’t say upfront when she gave her the invite. I’d say it’s something your mom needs to handle and tell her she’s not invited. Agreed that it’s unfair to invite people you don’t want. I just think giving her the invite wasn’t the best idea because she probably took it as she’s now invited.
    • Reply
  • Hope
    Dedicated August 2020
    Hope ·
    • Flag
    I dunno... she’s your moms best friend... not just a casual friend, but a best friend. Since she was given an invitation, then that’s pretty much an invite. How can you give someone an invitation and say “oh here, take this... but you’re not invited” ? That’s mean and pretty rude.
    You did nothing wrong. This is on your mom. I just feel bad for the friend.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    My guess is your mom did not just show her the nice picture, too. You were consistently clear with your mom, NO. If you did by chance have room from declines, there is a list of people you could not invite, and would like. So, not invited means not invited. Not if she offers to pay, not if other people decline. And since Mom was not to clear on why you provided the invitation, to look at it, she can explain to her friend that mom was counting on B and G changing their minds. But you haven't, and won't be. And don't you, OP, feel the slightest guilt about it. Mom has been manipulating you, hoping to get her own way. Not nice. She can be embarrassed. Maybe another time she will respect your boundaries. You have a long marriage ahead, so be sweet when you tell her, she is the one who made the mess, a d you know she will clean it up.
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  • L
    Super October 2020
    Leslie ·
    • Flag

    I’m not sure why your mom didn’t just show her yours but that being said mom has to do her own dirty work. I caved on the FMIL neighbor and regret it as I thought she would say no. RSVP is in as yes. Hoping with reschedule tbd she’ll say no.

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  • Kendra
    Devoted July 2021
    Kendra ·
    • Flag
    Absolutely not! It’s you and your FSO day and you should never feel guilty for making decisions about your day despite whose feelings they hurt
    • Reply
  • Ashley
    Beginner September 2021
    Ashley ·
    • Flag

    I don't think you are. i had this same thing happen to me because my FS's parents invited someone and didn't tell me and i had never met them till the other day. I had to tell my FS's mom that she needed to tell them that they were not invited and she did. you got to remember its your wedding you control who is there.

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