I tried posting this before but somehow I deleted it lol So I'm trying again and condensing it.
I have a friend (J) whom I would consider has been good to me most of the time. There are passive aggressive behaviors from their part but I don't know if it's just their personality or something else. They have helped me out big time when I was in a bind, I appreciated it immensely and am not in debt to them monetarily or otherwise.
J has a sibling, D. I don't really consider myself friends with D because we only ever interact when I see J and she's home, they're roommates. I am cordial with D and nothing more or less, she seems nice but she's quite younger than me (about 6 years.) Therefore, I don't really pursue a friendship with her but since her sister J and I got close, I always tried to interact with D. All three of us fell pregnant around the same time, unintentionally. J and D talked about future play dates, bday parties and outing etc. I thought "sure! that will be so much fun." I finally met D's SO(B) at her and J's joint baby shower. I spoke one word (hello) and that was that. I did however feel his energy and attitude was standoffish to my partner and I but I ignored it and blamed it on my own personal insecurities. My partner is trans and I identify as Queer, this is important to the story.
After the kids were born, J organized outings, playdates, lunches, etc. Somehow D and B could never make it so I was told we'd have to reschedule. The rescheduling would never come to me and I'd end up seeing their outings on social media. I even invited D to my kid's 1st bday party, she said yes and never showed up. I won't lie, it stung but I wasn't too fazed. Well it once slipped out from J, the reason that D and B never made it around us was because, B "doesn't believe in gay people." He also didn't allow their kid to be there if we were to be present. He's a homophobic piece of crap and overall a sucky person. I could go into detail on how awful he is all around but I wont.
Fast forward to my wedding, I gave all single people the option of a plus one, not including their child(ren). They could bring their kids or not and they'd still have a plus one. Well I invited J of course but that was that. I DID NOT invite D or anyone else in her family. Well J sent back the RSVP for 8 people. I was taken aback. I could handle 2 people more but not 8. Turns out she invited her siblings and their SOs and told me she was still waiting to hear back from the parents. It would be 10 adults total. To rub salt on the wound, B was included in the 8 people. This guy is a homophobe, he talked bad about me and my partner, he dragged the LGBTQ+ community through the mud. I do not want him there. I shared this with J and she said that D and B's relationship was rocky and that he apologized to D about what he said. I never got an apology but I guess she speaks for me??? It absolutely made me angry and on the verge of tears from frustration. She sent me a message saying she spoke with D and that B will most likely work so he wouldn't be able to go anyway. I never even got an apology for inviting him to begin with just an " I understand you don't want him there." okay but WHY INVITE HIM WITHOUT ASKING? Why invite anyone without asking me first. I can't afford extra people and I don't care to. They aren't important enough people to me, to be invited. How do I go about telling J I didn't invite her whole family. I thought it was clear. Am I somehow still in debt to her? Do I owe her a list of invitees? Am I wrong for not caring if she decides to not go either? WWYD?
