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Emly
Expert June 2020

Am i Being a Brat

Emly, on August 23, 2019 at 2:00 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 21

Alright ya'll, I posted a bit ago asking for suggestions on how to no be grumpy.. well things just got worse and I need someone with an outside option to tell me if I'm being a brat or not Smiley xd

SOOO We are going to a rehearsal dinner tonight for a very close family member. FH texts me a bit ago that for dinner they will be doing a full on fish fondue - Crab, Shrimp, Shellfish, Fresh Fish - you name it they're having it. Okay cool, good for them. Except I am HIGHLY allergic to any type of fish.. His whole family knows this but every time im around they for some reason always want to go to sea food restaurants, like ok I get it and i understand people love fish and that's great, I never mind I'm just always very cautious when I go and usually am able to find something that works for me. I asked FH if they were having any other options and he replied with no, only fish and shell fish.. He told me just to grab something before I go or bring something with and eat with everyone else. IDK this just kind of ticks me off.. I'm not trying to sound like a princes but really.. this couple knows how allergic I am to fish and even just being around it gives me hives. Im not saying not to have it all together because thats what they love so I totally get that, but another option would have been nice. I told FH that I just don't feel comfortable going while the food is out and ill come after ( My EpiPen is expired and I just haven't had a chance to go get a new one and the nearest hospital is 25 mins away). He was almost offended I'd even suggest it and told me to take some benadryl before i come and ill be fine.. (eye roll)..

I'm honestly so upset with him I don't even want to go.. He is usually so concerned about me whenever I'm around fish and always has my back but this time I don't feel like he does. And I get this is a very close family wedding and that's why hes so insistent I be there and I want to be there too but this my health were talking about here..

Am I being a brat in this situation?? Should I just suck it up and go anyway?? Would you as a bride/groom be offended if I didnt show up till after dinner??


EDIT*** Just want to mention that FH is in no way "making" me go or making me feel bad for not going, hes just bummed that I don't want to until after dinner. He would never put me in a situation that could effect my health. His mentality is that We've gone to seafood restaurants before and I've been fine, but circumstances were different in those instances

21 Comments

Latest activity by Julia, on August 25, 2019 at 2:31 PM
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    You’re not being a brat, and I would absolutely not go. Also, how ridiculous that your FH suggested to just take a Benadryl and go anyway.
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  • Amber
    Master February 2020
    Amber ·
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    I don't think you're being a brat either. I mean this isn't some temper tantrum, this is your life that could be in jeaopardy, food allergies are no joke. I wouldn't go either, I just don't think it's worth the risk.

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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    No, if this could actually kill you (sounds like that is exactly what could happen) it is very rude for them to not at least consider an alternative. I also can't understand why he would tell you to just take a Benadryl, that isn't going to help. If you break out in hives just being around seafood, why would anyone expect you to be there eating something you had to go out of your way to provide. It's rude and quite frankly a form of assault for them to put you in this situation, FH included!

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  • Emly
    Expert June 2020
    Emly ·
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    Right!?! Typically he wont even kiss me until hes brushed his teeth at least twice if he has had any fish, or when his family suggest we go to a sea food place he ALWAYS has my back and chews them out for being inconsiderate. So whats the difference this time??

    Ontop of that taking Benadryl doesn't in anyway prevent allergic reactions..

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  • L
    Dedicated October 2020
    Lisa ·
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    You're not being a brat. You can actually die from going... I would say dont go. It's a big risk and anyone who cant see that needs their priorities reevaluated.
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  • Allie
    Master August 2019
    Allie ·
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    This concerns your health, I wouldn't go.

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  • Emly
    Expert June 2020
    Emly ·
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    Thanks for your Support!! I texted another family member too and they told me not to worry because the bride is an EMT... Like ok, good for her?? That's not going to save me from anything.. I had just mentioned to a PP that FH always has by back in these situations and would never want to put me in any situation like this so idk what the heck is different this time..

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  • Sarah
    Devoted October 2018
    Sarah ·
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    I totally understand being upset with FH for not being understanding of your situation. Also, it's super rude of them to not accommodate diet restrictions. The only thing I am a little confused about is that through your post, you mention you go to seafood restaurants and order a non-fish option. I wouldn't use not being able to be around fish as an excuse not to go, because they will know that's not true if you have been around them eating fish before. In this case, I'd probably eat before and just go. Obviously your health is #1 priority so you should do what's best for you!

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  • Emly
    Expert June 2020
    Emly ·
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    That's a good point, Thanks for your input!

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  • Melissa
    VIP September 2019
    Melissa ·
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    Your health is more important than a meal with family and friends. It is rude of them to only offer seafood when they clearly know you are highly allergic. Definitely skip that dinner and maybe meet up with them after. Like thanks for the invite, but I don’t want to die, so I’ll see you after.
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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    After the dinner you may need to sit down for a conversation. Unless the bride typically carries her bag everywhere, being certified isn't going to stop a severe reaction. I do hope this all works out for you.

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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    You're not being a brat. I asked my guests to explain any dietary or allergy restrictions since we also had a pre fixe menu. That's how it should be. I mean you should've been able to get another option due to your allergies
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  • B
    Super July 2018
    Brittany ·
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    You aren't being a brat! I have a friend that's allergic to chicken, I had a party and invited her. Everyone attending LOVES chicken but I didn't make any chicken dishes because it was important to me that my friend was comfortable and was ya know... BREATHING!

    Don't go to dinner and have your fiance reiterate how extreme your allergy is. His family honestly might not have fully understood, I can see how it might be confusing that you can go to seafood restaurants be okay. People have made similar comments to my friend "you go to restaurants and they ALL serve chicken!" So she just explains hows its different

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  • Michaela
    Super May 2020
    Michaela ·
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    I agree that it's a little rude of them to not include SOMETHING as another choice.. Maybe they didn't know or forgot you were allergic, but also seafood is a pretty common allergy, so you would think they would plan ahead. I agree that it would be best if you showed up after dinner. You could play it off that you had some important stuff to take care of if you or your FH is uncomfortable saying something about the dinner situation. You are not a brat Smiley smile

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  • Nicole
    Super October 2021
    Nicole ·
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    I think you are entitled to be upset and absolutely entited to not go. Also don't think you should go for the health reasons stated.


    It is very inconsiderate that they don't have an option for you since you have a dietary restriction, but i think you should let bit go and not go to the rehearsal. The couple is likely very busy this weekend, and it might have slipped their mind that you are allergic.

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  • Rachael
    Expert October 2019
    Rachael ·
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    Absolutely not. This is your health we're talking about here. It could mean your life, depending on how allergic you are, which you sound pretty allergic. I'm honestly mad for you towards the whole situation. I wouldn't go at all if I were you, end of discussion with anyone who would try to tell me otherwise. I wouldn't risk death over a dinner.

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  • Rebecca
    Devoted September 2021
    Rebecca ·
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    You’re absolutely not being a brat. I have nut allergies (peanuts, all tree nuts-it’s a fun one) and Celiac Disease (no gluten). I totally get how hard it is going out to eat! You need to be safe and absolutely should not take any chances without a non-expired EPIpen.
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  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    This is rude on the part of the couple.

    We had our rehearsal dinner last night, and FILs made sure to accommodate all the dietary needs/allergies of our guests.

    My stepmother is DEATHLY allergic to cilantro - none in any dish. My dad and some of the other guests need to be gluten free. They had gluten free options. There were vegan options for the vegans, and so on. It wasn't easy, but it was super important to them that everyone invited could eat!

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  • Andrea
    Master January 2021
    Andrea ·
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    I agree with Rebecca totally. It's really rude for the couple, knowing you have a severe seafood allergy and not providing you with an alternative meal. That's very odd why they wouldn't accommodate you. The benadryl bit was just low. In my opinion. You absolutely should not go if you're not going to have a meal that you can eat. You would be putting yourself at risk, and it's not worth it. If I were you, I would not go.

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  • E
    Super October 2017
    Emily ·
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    Not being a brat - I'm on that train. Each allergic response can worsen and so not having an EpiPen or being close to a hospital are absolutely reasons to not go let alone just having a seafood only affair. It's not enjoyable to sit at a dinner and watch other people eat. If you are highly allergic you would also have to be cautious of shaking hands if people don't wash them or getting kissed on the cheek.

    I'm glad your fiance usually has your back - maybe he's feeling pressured from family for you to attend this one and I would take the time to talk with him about how you're feeling because of this. It's not petty - it can be life threatening. It's rude of the bride to not provide a safe option for you. You don't have to be catty about it, you can just quietly show up after the fact or the next day. No need to raise hell - even though thi si shonestly super rude on their part.

    And just for you - the bride being an EMT? What does she carry an EpiPen on her? Is she driving the ambulance to her rehearsal? I honestly cannot see what that has to do with anything! I'm a PA and I would not have wanted to deal with a medical emergency at my wedding or at any event... I just don't understand that being a reason why you should be okay showing up. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I think one more calm conversation with your fiance is warranted to allow you to describe your totally valid concerns and I hope he understand better this time.

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