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NymphPoet
Devoted October 2018

Am i being a brat? Ring question

NymphPoet, on December 18, 2017 at 4:52 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 95

I’m engaged to the most wonderful man. When he initially popped the question he used a sapphire ring that was dainty, and not exactly “engagement” but I loved it nonetheless! I’ve never been a diamond ring type of girl (though they are beautiful) so I never minded my little sapphires.




When we announced to FH’s family they were so happy for us! They’d ask to see my ring and id show them, and receive comments such as “that’s good of you” or “that’s not really an engagement ring”. These comments started to make FH feel bad, and I was sort of uncomfortable but brushed it off.




FH’s grandmother kept pushing that my ring wasn’t REAL enough. So she offered up FH’s mother’s engagement ring (when she married FH’s father and they promptly divorced 8 months later). They had given his grandmother the Ring after in return for a loan of however much it was worth.




Now, I don’t believe rings are cursed, but I sort of hate that Ring. It’s not my style, and FH’s parents abandoned him with his grandparents after the divorce so it feels very strange for me to wear a family heirloom that...to be blunt...didn’t really mean anything to the people that had it before me. We were given the okay to reset it, but I just can’t see the worth in putting money into resetting a 1/4ct stone of that size instead of either just keeping my ring or buying a larger morganite Ring for roughly the same price as resetting the heirloom.




I told this to FH, and he mentioned it to his grandmother who felt very upset I didn’t particularly want the ring. I don’t want to disrespect his family, and we have the money to reset/buy a new Ring, but I just don’t feel right about it all. Has anyone ever reset a 1/4 diamond? And what would you do in this situation?

95 Comments

Latest activity by Cassidy, on April 7, 2018 at 9:02 AM
  • Finally Mrs. H.
    Dedicated June 2017
    Finally Mrs. H. ·
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    If you like the ring he gave you, just tell people that. "Thanks, but I love my ring. It's perfectly me. He did a great job picking something he knew I would love".

    • Reply
  • BoudreauToBe
    Master July 2018
    BoudreauToBe ·
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    It's really lame that people feel the need to comment on something that means nothing to them. If YOU love your ring, that's all that matters. I'd tell you what I would say to those people, but words like that aren't allowed here anymore.

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  • FutureMrs.L
    Master September 2018
    FutureMrs.L ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    I agree!!


    OP, It doesn't matter anyone else's opinion about your ring. All that matters is yours and FH's.

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  • bluevelvet
    Devoted October 2017
    bluevelvet ·
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    No you are not being a brat. You were given a ring that you love by the man you love. Do not be bullied into thinking you need a diamond. If/when the heirloom diamond is mentioned again, simply say "I love my sapphire ring. Please pass the nachos." I am sorry his grandma is offended but oh well - the ring is not what you want. If she persists (and I am sure she will) take it and have it set into a necklace. You made it clear you love your sapphire, so keep loving it.

    My ring is an opal (hubby's great grandmother's) and I love it.

    Sorry Grandma had it in her head you would love the ring but again......oh well.

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  • Kelsey Brielle
    Super June 2022
    Kelsey Brielle ·
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    If you don't like the ring you shouldn't wear it or take the offer. You have to wear it for the rest of your life, not anyone else. Unfortunately you can't please everyone OP.
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  • Mrs. Brown
    Devoted May 2018
    Mrs. Brown ·
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    1) How dare anyone tell you what your ring is or isn't?? That's so disrespectful and just awful for them and I am so sorry they did that to you. I would tell them "Yeah well I love my ring, so... shove it"

    2) If you don't like the ring then do not take it, I honestly wouldn't worry about their feelings at this point because obviously they didn't give a rat's "behind" about yours and you FH's. But you can still tell them nicely. You could even say that you don't feel that it's really an "engagement ring" since the people that had it before didn't really do all that well and you feel that your ring has more meaning behind it.

    3) I'm sure your ring is absolutely beautiful and as long as you love it and FH wanted to use that exact ring to propose to you and ask you to be his wife, it is more beautiful than any ring his family could offer you.

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  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
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    If you like you're ring just explain to them why it's important to you and leave it at that.

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  • H
    November 2018
    happeningmom ·
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    The ring he gave you is special to you...that’s all that matters besides you and him liking it. As for the other ring I personally would not want the ring as it did not come from a successful marriage but I’m weird like that. If you wish to have to reset then do so and perhaps you could wear it as a separate ring.
    • Reply
  • FutureMrsHill
    Expert April 2018
    FutureMrsHill ·
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    If you like your ring, let them know. I can't stand ring judgement.
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  • BlueHenBride
    Master March 2017
    BlueHenBride ·
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    It's definitely not rude to tell his grandmother (or anyone else commenting on your ring) that you love the ring you have because it's the one FH gave to you and that you don't want to replace it. The only opinions on this that matter are yours and your FH's.
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  • P.F.
    Super May 2018
    P.F. ·
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    The only people that need to like your ring are you and FH. It doesn't matter if they don't consider it "engagement" material. There's rings with no diamond at all that still act as e-rings. It's about what you love and you already have a ring you love. Keep your ring that has meaning to you. Don't replace it just because someone is pressuring you to
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  • Kiwibride
    Super November 2018
    Kiwibride ·
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    You're not being a brat at all. If it gets brought up again, just keep repeating that you like your own ring and the sentimental value attached to it. Try to keep it positive about your ring rather than go into why you don't want the other one.

    Sorry people feel like this is any of their business and can't respect your feelings

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  • Mrsjacoria2018
    Devoted October 2018
    Mrsjacoria2018 ·
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    Keep your ring if you and FH love it... mine doesnt have a center stone, its made up of very small diamonds in a braided ring.... I love it...

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  • BabsandBear
    Expert October 2018
    BabsandBear ·
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    Non Traditional Engagement Ring Smiley tongue Am i being a brat? Ring question 1

    My ring is far from traditional and I love it, its what my FH gave me. He picked this ring because it reminded him of me and our love. You can't place a value on something personal. Not one of my family members told me that my ring was untraditional, they were all happy for me and said "that ring is SO you"

    Ignore them, they're being rude. Don't put on something you'll wear for a long time just because of peer pressure.

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  • Sunshine
    Super January 2019
    Sunshine ·
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    This, 100%
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  • Z
    Savvy September 2018
    Zachjumpsthe ·
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    You have to do what makes you happy. You and FH have to like ir because you will be the ones looking at it all the time. I wouldn't want to use a ring from a failed marriage. I am weird like that though.
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  • Lisa
    Dedicated July 2018
    Lisa ·
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    Princess Diana had a sapphire engagement ring. I absolutely love sapphire and who cares if it's traditional? If it's something you love, It shouldn't matter. Your grandma is the one being a total brat!
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  • Brittany
    Devoted October 2018
    Brittany ·
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    To hell what other people think of your ring. The only opinion that matters is what you think of the ring. This was the FH great grandmothers ring. I loooove it. Wouldn't want anything else plus it has meaning to him.

    Am i being a brat? Ring question 2
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  • Orchids
    Master March 2018
    Orchids ·
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    No, the people commenting on your ring are being rude and inappropriate. Enjoy your pretty sapphires and don't feel obliged to use the other ring.

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  • Mrs.hays
    VIP April 2018
    Mrs.hays ·
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    If you love your first ring than I would stick with it. In FHs family they don’t generally get engagement rings or even wedding rings. We both wanted rings though so we each picked out ones that we loved. My engagement ring is a white sapphire and I will be switching it out after the wedding to a much smaller diamond ring (smaller than 1/4 carat). I love it and I don’t care what anyone thinks.
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