This is going to be a little long but I need to vent. So I'm sorry.
My fiance and I have been together almost 10 years and living together for 8. When we first started talking about marriage (this is pre covid) we decided we just wanted to have a simple ceremony or go to the courthouse and then just have a chill backyard type dinner and party with our closest family and friends. But no....I know this is ultimately my fault but I let my mom pressure me into having a "real" wedding. She said she would help with the planning and help pay (I didn't ask) so I said fine. I did find an all inclusive venue that was pretty affordable and that I liked so we booked it for 12/12/2020. But with everything that happened last year, around August we decided to postpone until December 2021 which is fine it gives me more time. Except now that I've had more time.. the more I think about it I just really wish that I would've stuck to my guns and not have this wedding. Especially since we are STILL dealing with COVID. I know December is still a long time away but still. I am a wallflower and HATE being in the spotlight, I am a terrible planner/decorator. Like I have a vision of what I want and how things to be and use the hell out of pintrest, instagram and WW to get inspiration but I am so afraid of what I think I see, won't translate well in real life and my wedding will look stupid or cheesy. And my mom...she is the most well meaning person ever but she keeps BUYING things for the wedding without asking me or getting stuff I tell her I don't need/want/etc and I feel bad because she is on a fixed income but she just keeps doing it. I can't get her to stop. After we decided to postpone I did take a break from wedding planning but now that we are back on track and I have to start planning again I just immediately feel overwhelmed and I just get mad at myself for letting this all happen. I just keep thinking if we would've done a small ceremony like we wanted, then our plans wouldn't have been as affected and we could still have gotten married on our original date and we could've saved so much money for something else like a really cool honeymoon or towards a house.
Anybody else feel the same way? Were you pressured into something you didn't really want or just feeling overwhelmed with planning? Especially because of covid and restrictions?
