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Juliet
Just Said Yes October 2019

Always Choosing Mother's Side

Juliet, on September 5, 2019 at 9:41 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 9
To start have no problem with my MIL.

We have very different taste in most things. While speaking to my MIL in front of my fiance he always tells me I am being rude to her by saying "I don't know about that", or asking her questions for clarification about decor, timelines, venue questions etc. He tells me I should just let her do whatever she wants but even she doesn't want that. She wants my input and I want hers but my fiance is making me want to not even bother. I am passive aggressive towards him after he says these things to me, as having ADHD I don't deal with criticism well (although I don't think I should even be receiving this criticism) I need help with how to deal with this better. Advice please!

9 Comments

Latest activity by Naikesha, on September 7, 2019 at 7:59 AM
  • Amber
    Master February 2020
    Amber ·
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    I wouldn’t plan anything with your MIL if FH is around. If you have a good enough relationship and the two of you are comfortable with the way you’re planning things, he doesn’t need to be around. Yes, he should know before a final decision is made because it’s his wedding too, but the conversations between the two of you don’t need to be monitored by him if he’s just going to make it miserable for both sides.
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Rockstar March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    Why is your MIL planning your wedding? Nope, nope. Keep her out of details. For you & fiancé to decide.
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  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    This would personally bother me a lot and make me question if I wanted to marry this man. What you're saying to FMIL is not rude at all. Please have an honest conversation with FH and let him know how his comments affected you. If he doesn't genuinely apologize or stop making those remarks, I'd see this as a major red flag. Wishing you nothing but the best Smiley heart

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  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
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    I would stop being passive aggressive about it and tell him directly how his interference is making you feel. I would also be very concerned about this being a predictor for how your future together will be. He should not be constantly taking his mother's side especially at the expense of his soon-to-be wife.

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  • Cristy
    Master May 2021
    Cristy ·
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    There's absolutely nothing wrong with asking questions or even saying "I don't know about that." It's not rude at all, and I have no idea why your FH would say that. Is he used to just letting his mother do everything she wants with all aspects of his life? This sounds like a strange reaction to me, unless this is their usual dynamic, in which case, I would be worried about boundaries in the future. Also, why is he so ok with letting his mother make decisions for his wedding that he should be making with you? Another weird thing.

    I would say, keep asking questions, and keep being honest about your opinions/feelings about FMILs suggestions. At least she's asking you what you think, rather than just running right over you.

    FH needs to get a grip.


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  • Andrea
    Master January 2021
    Andrea ·
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    I totally second Cristy. Said perfectly.

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  • Krista
    Savvy May 2020
    Krista ·
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    FH needs to grow up and realize that now you are both getting married, you come before his mom. He will always be her son but now, the primary woman in his life is you. No excuse, no questions. It also doesn't matter if your MIL is paying or not. Final decision should be up to you and your FH. This is so wrong on so many levels.

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  • Juliet
    Just Said Yes October 2019
    Juliet ·
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    Updates based on replies:

    I want the MIL's help, just not the FH nasty input.

    We are paying for our wedding ourselves.

    He has never acted like this about anything before (we have been together for almost six years) and my FMIL and I have planned other things in the past, he is just acting weird with the wedding. Unsure if it is because his parents are older and his dad being ill recently is making him act out, idk... This is the man and family I want to have my life and children in regardless. Just trying to ease out of this weird reaction he is having because I f'in hate it.
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  • Naikesha
    Super September 2020
    Naikesha ·
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    This post confuses me so your FH is saying you are being mean for asking questions to your FMIL about YOUR wedding?

    why is your FMIL in charge of YOUR wedding?

    why is your FH not involved in the planning and why is he telling you your rude because your asking questions? Why isn't he questioning the decisions of the big day?

    Passive aggressive or not ask yourself how you feel now when he does it if you can see yourself feeling like this for the rest of your life. If you can then say nothing.


    If you can't I would have a sit down with FH about boundaries , respect, wife vs mom and your feeling and emotions.




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