Liz
Beginner November 2021

Alternatives for Dad

Liz, on July 23, 2021 at 1:04 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 15
Saved
Reply
Hello all, I have a bit of a dilemma on my hands. I have chosen to have my mother walk me down the aisle because I have a weird relationship with my dad (who has recently come back into my life) and I want the giving-away to be symbolic of my caretaker (my mom) giving me to someone (my *future* husband) who will take care of me for the rest of my life (and me of him). So I’m quite firm on wanting to have my mom walk me, but my father is very traditional and honestly he’ll be something of a pariah at the wedding because most guests know me and my experience with him. My brain has punched out and I’m curious to know what alternatives some of you may have to incorporate my dad into the wedding? I’m already considering a dance or toast, but I’m not sure what else may work.

15 Comments

Latest activity by Liz, on August 21, 2021 at 12:45 PM
  • Meghan
    Expert September 2021
    Meghan ·
    • Flag
    I think the first dance is good. If you wanted him to walk down the aisle, do you have a grandma or anyone else walking that he could escort?
    • Reply
  • Jessi
    Super October 2022
    Jessi ·
    • Flag

    I think you're honestly going above and beyond what you even need to do by offering him anything. I agree that having a dance if you're comfortable with that is nice or like what Meghan said where instead he could just have a special part in walking down the aisle.

    If anyone gives you grief because what you're doing isn't "traditional" they're being ridiculous. No one is owed a special spot in your wedding because they're family... it's just whatever you want to do for whoever you feel is someone you want to highlight.

    • Reply
  • Ashlee
    Expert September 2022
    Ashlee ·
    • Flag

    I recently attended a wedding where the father had been estranged for several years and just recently reestablished a relationship. The bride had her brother walk her down the aisle, then did a Mother-Daughter dance, followed by the father-daughter dance (which no one expected). That was her way of having her mother be recognized for everything, but still acknowledging her father.

    • Reply
  • Lindsey
    Just Said Yes October 2022
    Lindsey ·
    • Flag

    My father did not recently come back into my life, but our relationship has always been rocky, and my mother has always been the one that I feel took care of me. That being said, I know my father is trying to be a better, and would be deeply hurt if I didn't follow the tradition, so I am having both parents walk me down the aisle.

    Edit: I should also mention that he is contributing towards our wedding costs.

    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Master November 2054
    Jacks ·
    • Flag

    He can attend as a guest. That's an honour too!

    • Reply
  • Christina
    Savvy October 2022
    Christina ·
    • Flag
    I have a rocky relationship with my dad as well. He left us in a bad situation when I was in junior high, and we have not had the best relationship since. We go years without seeing each other. He walked my sister down the aisle at her wedding and danced with her as well, and she regrets it. I’m torn on what to do for my wedding. My mom has always been my rock and has been there for us and our kids. If anything, she should have the honor. But I’m also too sympathetic and don’t want my dad to feel upset or awkward either even though I probably shouldn’t care that much. I’m considering just walking down the aisle by myself. I feel a father/daughter dance is such a special moment and I can’t picture sharing that moment with him.
    • Reply
  • Liz
    Beginner November 2021
    Liz ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    It’s a rather small/intimate event so i don’t think that’d be possible but i think it’s a great idea otherwise, thank you
    • Reply
  • Liz
    Beginner November 2021
    Liz ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Lol i appreciate the support, it’s good to be reassured that i’m not just being //rude// for being firm on my stance
    • Reply
  • Liz
    Beginner November 2021
    Liz ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    See that’s kind of my dilemma, in the sense that he has made a pretty great effort to make amends in the past two or three years and he has also contributed to the wedding costs. However, problem #2 being that my mom has been convinced by family friends that he is now being pushy and it’s her right to solely walk me which is definitely a bit of an odd stance— but cest la vie, and i’ve already asked her to walk me so it’s not like that’s gonna change
    • Reply
  • Liz
    Beginner November 2021
    Liz ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    LMAOO thank you
    • Reply
  • Liz
    Beginner November 2021
    Liz ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Well girlie it sounds like we’re in a very similar boat… I was considering walking myself as well, the misfortune of being to sympathetic ):
    I’m definitely still undecided, but he has also tried very hard to make amends and has contributed to the wedding which makes me feel a bit more responsible for giving him a spot in the wedding— it’s tough
    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Master November 2054
    Jacks ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Other alternatives would be to have both of them walk you down the aisle, walk yourself, or walk with your FH.

    • Reply
  • Liz
    Beginner November 2021
    Liz ·
    • Flag
    Update: He just told me he’s not going to come so lol…
    • Reply
  • Jessi
    Super October 2022
    Jessi ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I'm sorry you've had to deal with some drama regarding him, but at the very least that's one less thing you have to plan for and worry about! Enjoy your day with your mom and the people closest to you!

    • Reply
  • Liz
    Beginner November 2021
    Liz ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you Smiley heart
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

WeddingWire article topics