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Just Said Yes November 2021

Alternate role for bridesmaid

Melissa, on January 20, 2021 at 8:42 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 7
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How would you tell/ask a friend who pre-covid would have been asked to be a bridesmaid (probably even the maid of honor) that you would like them to be a reader instead of being in the bridal party? She has rheumatoid arthritis and her medication gives her practically no immune system so I completely understand why she doesn't leave her house or we have to talk through an open window when I visit. My wedding is not until November but I feel like I need to start asking my bridal party soon. I would never tell her, but it would be easier to replace a reader if she doesn't feel comfortable attending than it would be replacing a bridesmaid. I do plan on asking her 2 kids to be in the wedding as well as they are my Godchildren. Obviously if she doesn't feel comfortable, none of the family would attend and I'm ok if we don't have a flower girl. I am just so afraid of offending her and hurting her feelings. Any input would be great! TIA

7 Comments

Latest activity by Maggie, on January 21, 2021 at 3:00 PM
  • Michelle
    Champion December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    You don't. Would she be reading from her seat? Unless she watches virtually, she will be around the same environment. It is ok for people to just be guests. Don't assume that because she has a disability that she can't attend.


    Invite her as a guest.
    You don't need to ask anyone to be a bridesmaid before 6 months from the wedding.
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  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais ·
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    I agree with Michelle, I don’t see the difference in terms of risk between being a bridesmaid or a reader. It’s completely fine to make her guest but if you want her as a bridesmaid just ask her if she’d feel comfortable with that and covid. That way you can tell her that there’s no hard feelings if she’s not comfortable and she doesn’t have to say yes.
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  • Shirley
    Expert November 2020
    Shirley ·
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    I get what you're saying about replacing being easier for a reader than a bridesmaid. Imo, you should invite the people closest to you to be bridesmaids and let them decline or drop out if they feel unsafe. If she accepts and then drops out, oh well--it doesn't matter and there is no need to replace her. I did not replace my bridesmaids who couldnt come because of covid. I asked the most important people in my life, no more, no fewer
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    First, don't ask people to be in the bridal party tol 6 months. There is nothing they need to do before then. And scheduling then rescheduling things is a pain for all. In April, things may be just like now. Or in your area, so many people may either have had Covid, been exposed repeatedly and staved it off, or had a vaccine, including her, that she may be able to do it. She might be able to be BM or MOH. Maybe for the wedding itself, only, or that and a single party. Then she can be asked to do either, with the greatest chance of it actually happening. You also will know more definitely whether you will be requiring people to mask up, and keep distance, which needs to be decided before asking anyone.
    Waiting is hard when you are excited. But even with No Covid, it is best not to ask the wedding party til 6-8 months.
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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    I would ask her to be a bridesmaid. If she decides that she does not want to attend your wedding, you don't need to replace her.

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  • Tee
    Dedicated October 2021
    Tee ·
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    I actually have RA as well and am also on immunosuppressants planning a wedding this fall. I would move forward with asking her to have a role in the wedding. She has time to think it through and make a decision for herself. I’m not sure if she’s said explicitly that she wouldn’t feel comfortable being in the wedding? Unfortunately, I’ve been in many situations where I’ve been left out due to my disability, which has really hurt. It’s always nice to be given an opportunity to have a discussion about your/her concerns.
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    I agree with all of this.

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