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Michaila
Dedicated February 2023

All i want is cash to pay off our debt...

Michaila, on July 9, 2019 at 12:03 PM

Posted in Registry 61

So, long story short, me and my FH don't make a ton of money (me = 20k/yr, him = 24k/yr, working on that) and I have a bunch of student loans, but he has this $6000 debt that I'm not going to go into but it's really holding us back. Once we pay it off, we will have so much more freedom and he's been...

So, long story short, me and my FH don't make a ton of money (me = 20k/yr, him = 24k/yr, working on that) and I have a bunch of student loans, but he has this $6000 debt that I'm not going to go into but it's really holding us back. Once we pay it off, we will have so much more freedom and he's been dealing with this for the past 12 years. All we want for a wedding present is to not have to deal with this horrible thing from his past that this debt is still dragging on to our future. We've both agreed that this would honestly be the best wedding present ever to have this stupid debt off our backs and not have to start our life together with it hanging over us.

We have a small Ikea registry for a new bedroom set and some dishes and such and a honeyfund for cash gifts (we're just going up north for our honeymoon $500 max) but we want to move into a bigger apartment sooner than later so really don't want stuff. How do you politely/tactfully say that you would honestly prefer cash gifts? I don't want to be a jerk but we just don't need any more stuff that we're just going to have to pack and move. Honestly, wouldn't that be easier for people?

Plus I have a bridal shower coming up too and I don't know how to deal with that for gifts either. Help.

61 Comments

  • N
    Dedicated July 2019
    Natt ·
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    Whoever is in charge of your bridal shower I would tell them to try to spread the word to your guests that you prefer cash. As for the wedding there’s not much you can do without sounding to tacky except for try to spread the word a lot of people like to ask how the wedding planning is going so you can try to mention somehow you hope people give you cash you will be surprised how quickly word gets around. I think it also depends on the culture husbands side is Chinese so they normally give red pocket money as presents so we knew we would mainly get money from that side but my side doesn’t really give gifts at all hope it goes well hopefully the small registry helps to give them a hint
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  • Alexis
    Dedicated April 2021
    Alexis ·
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    DO WHAT YOU WANT - it’s your wedding!! That should always be the answer!

    I swear, people on this website have competitions to see who can say that something is “rude” the most amount of times 🙄🙄🙄
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  • Sarah
    Devoted November 2021
    Sarah ·
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    I love the idea of a recipe shower!! If your friends and family are more progressive or very casual I think they will understand you asking for cash.
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  • Sara
    Expert February 2020
    Sara ·
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    My cousins invitation had a paper in it that said they only wanted our company but if we must gift them something a cash gift is preferred. It was obviously more eloquent than that..but I didn't think anything of it. I would get rid of your registries honestly. If you don't them, people who were going to give you something anyway will give cash.
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  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·
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    Honestly putting that you prefer cash no matter how it's worded is a super turn off. We have friends that did that and had a huge registry which made no sense. They had a huge wedding at an expensive venue yet said they would like cash to save up for a house. IMHO it doesn't make sense to spend the money on a huge wedding only to ask your guests to bring you money. No one should expect gifts when getting married. Is it nice? Sure. If you have debt that needs paid off and want a bigger apartment why not use the money for that instead of a wedding?

    Also shower are literally for showering you with gifts. Not cash. If you don't want "things" then decline the shower and save your host $$.

    We also have quite a bit of debt and want a bigger home so we scaled everything down. People were upset that we didn't have a huge local wedding but I didn't see any point in going into larger debt to appease people that I literally only see at weddings and funerals. I have no regrets in having a smaller all inclusive cheaper wedding.

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  • Yam
    VIP September 2019
    Yam ·
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    Tbh I wouldn’t mention cash or gifts at all, it’s up to your guests what they want to give. If you get giftcards or fancy trinkets you can always sell them, I think people would understand you sold them out of desperation to pay off a looming debt(if they even ask), don’t worry about it.
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  • N
    Dedicated November 2019
    Nita ·
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    Ugh I hate this mind set. Just because you’re getting married that doesn’t give you the right to be rude and throw etiquette out the door. A wedding reception is a party that the bride and groom are hosting. As hosts, guests comfort should be a priority.
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  • Katelyn
    Expert October 2020
    Katelyn ·
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    When my fiancé and I decided to drop the physics gifts and just do the honeymoon fund it was a suggestion from my fiancé’s mother. She said we should splurge on ourselves and have a nice honeymoon. So, we told everyone that in place of physical gifts we would appreciate if they would donate to our honeymoon fund. We set it up and everything and everyone was very receptive. We haven’t sent them the link yet, but we are going to when we send out the invites in probably about December or January.
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  • Tina
    Super August 2019
    Tina ·
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    This is the gospel truth right here. Agreed!!

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  • Mrsbdg
    Champion August 2017
    Mrsbdg ·
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    I completely agree

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  • Florida Marlins
    Expert October 2017
    Florida Marlins ·
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    MrsBdeG: I remember you from WAY back!!! Nice to see you here again. Weddings are not for panhandling. Period.

    What I meant to say was: It is NOT the place of your guests to pay off your debts.

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  • Michaila
    Dedicated February 2023
    Michaila ·
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    Thanks everyone for all your input. Obviously there is no tactful/polite way to ask for cash. Good to know. My mom is spreading word of mouth that cash is always appreciated as an option, and that's all. Works for me. Whatever will happen will happen. Let's let it go - I have a funeral to plan and my bridal shower is literally the weekend after my dad's funeral so I'm kind of done right now. Thanks all.
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  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    No, it really shouldn't. Hosting a wedding doesn't mean you're excused from being rude or inappropriate. You're not queen for a day; you're just getting married, like millions of people do every year. You're still living within the strictures of polite society, and presumably you'd still like to have all the relationships that you enjoy now with the people around you.

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  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    I'm sorry to hear about your father, Michaila.

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  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    Not going to touch the honeymoon fund aspect of this post, but I just have to point out that December or January is waaaaaaaaaaaay too early to send invitations for an October wedding. Did you mean STDs?

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  • Florida Marlins
    Expert October 2017
    Florida Marlins ·
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    100% agree. It is sad that when people give feedback, and yes it can be blunt, it is seen as being rude. Panhandling at your wedding is rude and impolite. I don't mind a cash bar but to be asked outright for money? RSVP no on that one.

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  • Michaila
    Dedicated February 2023
    Michaila ·
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    We got engaged in December and started saving/making money plans in January. STDs went out 6 months before (lots of out of town family) and invites were just sent last week.
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  • Katelyn
    Dedicated June 2021
    Katelyn ·
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    This isn't what you asked but I'm going to say it. I worked in the finance field for three years. Message me and I can give you some good tips on consolidating your debt. You aren't going to get enough to pay off your debt from your wedding unless your guests are super generous.

    Personally I would get this situation figured out first before getting married. Once you're married his debt is your debt too.

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  • Katelyn
    Dedicated June 2021
    Katelyn ·
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    This mind set is the problem...

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  • Kelly
    Super October 2019
    Kelly ·
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    Wow, talk about a lot of assumptions being made - it isn’t your guests fault that he ran up a visa bill - umm that’s an assumption. With the exception of her, her FH & perhaps family & friends no one knows where this debt came from, maybe it’s a hospital bill for something that insurance wouldn’t pay for, or a funeral, no one knows & honestly the reason for the debt is no ones business.
    I would setup a honey fund & limited registry, that will help you make the point. However there are always ppl who like to purchase gifts & I think it would better for them to purchase things that you want vs. what they think you want.
    All the best - and I’m so sorry to hear about ur dad.
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