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Beginner October 2021

All About Her

Nichole, on February 20, 2021 at 3:17 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 17

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I feel horrible writing this but after the year I’ve had I just can’t deal with another issue “tactfully.” I’m the go-to when anyone needs advice on how to handle a sticky situation, strong personality, tough individual, and the like. I am good with words and can usually smooth over even the roughest of situations where all parties involved are at least somewhat satisfied and able to remain on civil terms. However...
If I have to hear another, “ I would never be able to fit into that.” “My guy will never want to get married.” “I’m too fat to ever wear that type of dress.” “ I promise I will try and not make you look bad in your wedding pictures.” Etc etc etc . Comment from my Maid of Honor, I’m going to scream!!!!
It’s not bad enough I deal w/ an eating disorder of my own. A battle of which I almost lost in 2007. But this is my wedding?! In 2020 I buried my brother and my very first grandchild was stillborn. I need to be able to go dress shopping and feel a little bit “okay” with trying things on without having to play therapist on a day that is supposed to be about me, right ? ( I think??) 😢Any advice would be appreciated in speaking to a friend who has a very, VERY sensitive skin. Thanks so much, Nichole 🌻

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17 Comments

Latest activity by Nichole, on April 2, 2021 at 6:13 PM

Master May 2019
Cyndy · on February 20, 2021 at 7:36 AM
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Wow that’s a lot. It might be time to sit down with your MOH and just be honest with her. Tell her that these things are bothering you and that you need her support. She must be a good friend to be your MOH so it’s time you tell her how you feel otherwise it will just continue. It’s your time to shine and this should not be about her!
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Expert September 2020
Amanda · on February 20, 2021 at 8:31 AM
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I’m sorry for what you’re going through. First, I suggest not taking her to any future dress/hair/any appearance based appointments or conversations- completely steer clear. Next, I’m assuming this is someone that you’re close to. Would you feel comfortable explaining that you’re struggling with body image issues and need to avoid speaking of them for your own health? Maybe you can suggest someone else or a forum in which she’d be able to vent without it being to you.
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VIP April 2022
CountryBride · on February 20, 2021 at 9:04 AM
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Hi sweetie I had a still born in December I’m so sorry you went through that hugs first off I am sorry your mom is being a terror I would sit her down and explain her comments are not useful and make you react in a negative way and you would appreciate it if they would stop if they can’t stop then you will be removing her from the bridal party
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Expert July 2021
Lauren · on February 20, 2021 at 9:31 AM
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“I will try not to make you look bad in photos” who the hell says that? It sounds like she’s in high school! Clearly it’s all coming from jealousy. I would just exclude her from all planning and opinions if you’re not willing to cut her off.
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VIP August 2020
Katie · on February 20, 2021 at 9:45 AM
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Hi Nichole, so sorry to hear what a tough year you have had. I totally get wanting to do something normal and happy to feel “ok” and it would be healthy for you to focus on a happier thing, even if it takes your mind off things for a few minutes. One suggestion when your MOH talks poorly about herself say “Hey that is my best friend you are talking about and I won’t allow you to talk about her that way.” My mom is very self conscious and I learned to let her shop alone with an appointment with the bridal sales consultant. I sent her photos of dresses online only and let the professionals do their thing. They were great!! Good luck to you ❤️❤️❤️
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Master April 2021
Mrs. Spring · on February 20, 2021 at 5:36 PM
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Omg that's tough. I would politely ask her to omit negative comments
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Devoted May 2021
Ally · on February 21, 2021 at 2:32 AM
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I dealt with this from one of my bridesmaids. After we postponed due to Covid, we had a major falling out and I ended the friendship. What Ive learned though is that a lot of people who are like that dont realize theyre doing it. Youd have to be super direct and tell her what she is doing and that its bothering you. Dont beat around the bush or she probably wont get it. But if that doesnt work and its really driving you crazy, re evaluating if you still want to be friends would be the next step. Especially since you have had such a hard year and she is still making everything about her
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Beginner October 2021
Nichole · on February 21, 2021 at 6:42 AM
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She is, Cyndy. She’s been my best friend for the past 16 years. She has been there through everything in my life. I hate that she is so hard on herself ALL of the time. I think that’s the only difference between us. I am constantly in some book, program, meditation, research in my perseverance to stay in recovery. Whereas whenever I bring up a book, a show, etc that I feel is inspiring... I’m cut right off with, “Nope! It won’t help me.”
Thank you for the validation. I really appreciate it! 🌻
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Beginner October 2021
Nichole · on February 21, 2021 at 6:45 AM
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Amanda, the forum idea is an excellent idea!!! In fact I’m so glad I read your message before we went out today! I was able to bring up my son who is a personal trainer. She was excited and asked about him putting together a small workout program for her. 🌻
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Beginner October 2021
Nichole · on February 21, 2021 at 7:08 AM
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CountryBride,
I so wish I could reach out and hug you!! 💞 My heartfelt condolences for your loss. She is actually being amazing about that part of things. All the way down to making the memorial/tribute for the wedding and everything. It’s just with all of that sadness it’s hard enough right ? I had hoped that when we spoke yesterday, it was enough. I was pretty emotional and I let her see it, not with anger but tears after trying on dresses. I stood up for myself but in a good way. Now all I have to do I keep it up!!! 🌻
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Beginner October 2021
Nichole · on February 21, 2021 at 8:51 AM
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Thank you Lauren for validating my feelings! Where are you located ?! Wanna send some of your backbone my way ? ☺️
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Beginner October 2021
Nichole · on February 21, 2021 at 8:54 AM
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Hi Katie,
I think it might come to that. Although I did stand up for myself yesterday... I seem to still get the feeling that deep down it isn’t such a good experience for her when we go shopping together at any time let alone such an important one.
Thanks so much 🌻
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Expert July 2021
Lauren · on February 21, 2021 at 9:06 AM
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Hahaha NY attitude coming your way. Also I teach high school and feel like my whole life is dealing with that.
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Beginner October 2021
Nichole · on February 21, 2021 at 6:34 PM
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Mrs. Spring,
I think in order for her to hear me she may have to hear herself. Thanks so much for your support. 🌻
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Beginner October 2021
Nichole · on February 21, 2021 at 6:37 PM
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Hi Ally,
I think you are 100% correct about her not realizing that she’s doing it. Because it’s become such a habit. It’s every conversation we have regarding dress, how people interact with me, anytime someone complements me, etc.
I think a letter might be in order as she could process things without the initial feeling of being “stabbed in her back.” Which is very often the case when any criticism no matter how constructive is brought up. Thanks so much for your support. 🌻
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Beginner October 2021
Nichole · on April 2, 2021 at 6:10 PM
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Thank you so much for your message. What wonderful suggestions. My apologies for such a delayed response. We’ve had two more deaths in the family since the last week in February. We are both vaccinated now so hopefully moving onward with the planning. 🌻💞🌻
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Beginner October 2021
Nichole · on April 2, 2021 at 6:13 PM
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Thank you Ally. I’ve always had such a hard time with standing up for myself. I’m getting better!!! Promise!!! I hope that you’ve been able to go forth with your wedding plans and have found loving and supportive people around you. You deserve it too!!
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