Alcohol

I'm not sure there's much advice to give here. I sympathize with dealing with alcoholism from your family, however, your FH shouldn't have to give up something that he wants in his wedding because your dad and sister might be tempted to drink. It's unfortunate that they plan to leave after dinner, but like you said, you can't make them stay.

View Quoted Comment

What makes it even harder is my fiance wants to call up my parents and yell at them about it.

It seems more disrespectful for him to expect two recovered/recovering alcoholics to stay and be around alcohol. I don’t know that there’s much you can do besides really explain to your FH that they can’t be around it, he just needs to understand that. This is very tough though, my whole family just doesn’t drink at all but my FH insisted upon having beer. I feel like it’s a little disrespectful to my family since they’re paying for a lot of the wedding so I can understand having a fiancé that doesn’t get the alcohol thing

View Quoted Comment

I feel like my fiance should be more understanding because his dad is an alcoholic and his parents divorced because of his father's alcoholism and two of his dad's children have nothing to do with him because of how he acts when he is drunk. I totally get that he wants alcohol there, but he needs to understand that by having alcohol there that means most of my family is going to leave early. They already feel bad about leaving early without him yelling at them for it.

View Quoted Comment It's completely disrespectful that your FH wants to call and yell at your family. He needs to respect them as much as he respects you. They have a very legitimate reason for leaving early and its is completely not done out of disrespect for you. I would sit down and talk through this with your FH. And honestly consider couples counseling because it feels like there are some other issues here.

This would be a serious red flag for me. I wish you the best in sorting through this tough situation!

View Quoted Comment Yeah that’s very hard, it does seem like he should understand. Maybe with his family’s background around alcohol something else is bothering him? You should probably sit down and have a discussion about it without yelling or arguing. Also, maybe he feels like they’re leaving early but if they’re there for the ceremony (the important part) and for the reception all the way through dinner I don’t feel like that’s leaving that early! I kinda anticipate a lot of my guests leaving after we cut the cake which will be right after dinner lol

View Quoted Comment

Summerbride77 I agree! If I asked my fiance to not drink at the reception he would be happy to cut the alcohol if it meant my family would stay. He would absolutely choose to drink soda/tea over beer if it meant bringing everyone together and celebrating the marriage. My first thought was couples counseling as well!

It's pretty selfish for him to be angry that they are not willing to risk their sobriety and in your dad's case his health. I would have a sober reception so your dad can have a father/daughter dance with his daughter.

Have an after-party following the reception. That can be the drinking portion of the celebration. Go to a fun place with great music and a bar. Invite only the friends and fam who would enjoy it. Just put an extra little card invitation in those people's wedding invitations with the after-party info.

I'd just sit him down and calmly explain that first of all they are recovering and don't need the temptation. They are carpooling since it's the best choice financially. That means if one leaves, all have to leave or they miss their ride. It's not that they don't want to be there to celebrate, but they would rather leave than be surrounded by temptation. It'd be the same if someone was a smoker - they wouldn't go stand outside at the smoking area because it's a big temptation. He should be happy that they are making the respectful choice to leave without causing a scene. I think as long as you are okay (as best you can be) then he should be okay with it as well. In NO way should he call and express his opinion to them - that would just cause more drama.

Maybe compromise and say the drinks will be served after 8pm or a time so your family can enjoy their time.

View Quoted Comment

We are having an after party. We invited everyone to it. It is at the bar right across the street from our venue.

View Quoted Comment

Then, for Heaven's sake, he can wait a few hours to drink after the reception. What is more important to him? Your happiness or his alcohol?

If you’re having an after party with alcohol, 100% don’t have it at the reception so your family feels comfortable....especially if you yourself don’t even drink! Fiancé should understand. If it was just one person with an issue in your family that’s different, but with so many important people like that trying to avoid it, AND an after party where people who want to can drink...save the money for reception alc and open a tab at the bar, buy people their first few drinks at the after party. Everyone will be happier that way. Weird red flag that he’s not willing to compromise on this and instead wants to shout at your parents.

His suggestion is to have everything done right before and after dinner. Originally we were going to have introductions, our first dance, dinner, speeches, father daughter dance, son mother dance, then open the dance floor for 45 minutes to an hour then cake cutting and then a game similar to the shoe game then open the dance floor back up. Instead we are going to do it all right before or after dinner instead of opening the dance floor for 45 minutes to an hour. I had wanted to play my parents wedding song for them to dance to at some point during the night, but I don't think I will be able to since they will be leaving 😔

View Quoted Comment Oh I totally agree. It would be like making his aunt who was a hevah smoker and has COPD sit in a smoking section. I wish he was more understanding.

This is a tough situation and I agree with others that he should be more understanding. What if you could reach a compromise? Do dinner and ask your family to stay so you could immediately do the traditional dances you mention, cut the cake and play the shoe game after dinner. This keeps your family involved and gets them to stay for the traditional photo opts like cake cutting etc. and then they can all leave together as planned. I think this would be better for your “flow” of events anyways as opposed to open the dance floor up then stopping the music then opening it back up and stopping again. My other suggestion is if there’s a hotel near your reception, maybe you could offer to rent rooms for those family members? When the drinking starts, those who may be tempted to drink can just excuse themselves and go back to the hotel and the others can stay.

View Quoted Comment Our venue is a hotel, but the guests I have mentioned are staying overnight because they have pets and don't want to board them. My fiance has agreed there will be no alcohol at our rehearsal dinner. Initially there going to be. My dad and brother are also supposed to be getting ready in the morning with my fiance and his groomsmen and he has assumed me they won't be drinking during this time. I think the current plan with the wedding is to keep my dad and sister busy with other things. So during cocktail hour they will be doing photos with us so they won't be around the alcohol then. During dinner the bar is closed so they won't have an chance to get any then either. Then right after dinner we'd have the father daughter dance so my dad once again would not have the chance to drink. Then we'd do my fiance's dance with his mom. Then the game which includes all of our guests and then cake cutting.

View Quoted Comment Also we are going to sit my dad, mom, sister and her bf, my brother and his wife all at one table so none of them will be sitting with anyone that will be consuming alcohol.

View Quoted Comment I meant they aren't staying the night because they don't want to board their pets.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. I'm concerned that his blatant disregard for your wishes could mean there are different deeper issues with your relationship, especially if he yells. I get that he wants alcohol there, but how is that more important than you wanting your family there? I'm so tired of people thinking having free alcohol at a wedding is required. It's not. Alcoholism is a disease. Can you maybe compromise and have a dry reception, but have alcohol at an afterparty?