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Savvy February 2021

Alcohol & Religion

Heather, on October 8, 2020 at 8:29 AM Posted in Wedding Reception 0 21

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I’m looking for some comforting words of advice here so I can stop stressing over this. My husband and I eloped but are planning on having our reception next year. He and I both drink socially but never get to the point of having too much. We are both very strong in our faith as is our extended family. My issue is, my extended family is southern baptist and alcohol is a huge no-no to them. Fair enough, I support that. However, we’re both non-denominational and I guess we just don’t feel the same way as they do. We’re obviously having a full service bar at our reception and part of me feels guilty for inviting that side of my family if they’re going to have a difference of opinions on alcohol. And I know that’s their choice, it’s different from mine, but I still want everyone to have a great time celebrating us. My husband says we should still invite them and leave it up to them to RSVP if they wanna come knowing that there will be alcohol served at our reception. Also, my husband and I are paying for our reception, alcohol included. Anyone else deal with this dilemma? How did you get over it? And drama from family members? Thanks in advance!!

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21 Comments

Latest activity by Pomoich, on April 4, 2022 at 5:43 PM

Master November 2020
Kristen · on October 8, 2020 at 8:33 AM
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I get it. You want to make everyone happy and you won't. I feel you need to do what is best for you two. In any Christian based religion it talks about not judging others. I feel they can be around alcohol (think about everytime they go out to a restaurant that serves alcohol---people drink there so they are exposed to it.) and not drink it but have a good time. My friend's husband is a recovering alcoholic and he goes to weddings and events with alcohol and sometimes he stands off to the side and he just does not drink it but he has a good time. I agree with the husband. You should not be ashamed of wanting to drink socially as it is not bad and you two should enjoy the day how you want.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on October 8, 2020 at 8:38 AM
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I agree with your husband. I'm sure that your family has had to deal with other events where alcohol is served. Festivals, concerts, other weddings, birthday parties, etc. If they feel that uncomfortable, they can decline.
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Expert January 2021
Katie · on October 8, 2020 at 9:09 AM
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Definitely invite them, as adults living in the 21st century I'm sure it is far from their first event with alcohol. I understand your hesitance, but it's much nicer to have them make the decision.
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Dedicated March 2021
Kimistar · on October 8, 2020 at 9:15 AM
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Invite your family and they can decide if they’ll be comfortable to come, which hopefully they do and understand your choices. Your friends and his family can enjoy the open bar. I’m thinking of it this way, there are vegans and vegetarians who are against eating meat but they’ll still come to a party and the hosts will still accommodate by having a vegetarian plate. You are having the bar for those who do drink and your family have the option to do non-alcoholic drinks too.
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Expert October 2020
Kimberly · on October 8, 2020 at 9:28 AM
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Kimistar used the example I was going to say about this being similar to vegetarians/vegans at a party. I agree with her suggestion wholeheartedly about having delicious non-alcoholic options for guests. Anyone who complains after that point is just wanting drama for drama’s sake.
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Master May 2020
Kari · on October 8, 2020 at 10:14 AM
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You definitely should not alter your entire wedding reception to accommodate the needs/beliefs of a few people. That would be like making the entire menu gluten free for one or two guests, or vegans for a handful of vegetarians. Offer some tasty alcohol free drink options and leave it up to them to decide whether or not they want to attend.
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Devoted May 2021
Jasmine · on October 8, 2020 at 11:33 AM
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I agree with your husband and everyone else. I know as the woman sometimes we’re dealing with our family we get the brunt of critical comments. However your day will be so beautiful and enjoyable if someone does say something to you it will be 01 second memory in your wonderful day.
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Master October 2019
Meghan · on October 8, 2020 at 11:36 AM
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This is your wedding, not theirs. If you want to provide a bar then you should absolutely do that. Your husband's thinking is correct. If anyone has an issue with the bar they either won't come or they can leave early. We have some strict religious folks in my family but we still served alcohol. My thinking is no one is forcing them to drink, so there shouldn't be an issue.
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Expert May 2021
Biaani · on October 8, 2020 at 11:53 AM
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I'm also non denominational Christian. I totally get you. We're having open bar the whole night. Like you said it's a celebration so whoever wants to drink they can and whoever doesn't I know will be able to have a good time sober. But maybe you can do what your FH suggested, let them know there will be alcohol and they seriously have a problem with it they could just choose not to go. I'm sure they'll prioritize celebrating your union though.
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Master April 2021
Mrs. Spring · on October 8, 2020 at 11:54 AM
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Woah that is different. Does your extended family refuse to go to restaurants (precovid) if they had a bar inside of it? If not, then they are being inconsistent. I'm not a drinker myself but I couldn't imagine not going to an event that had the option for guests to drink alcohol. I agree with your FH on principle. But, to be frank, I probably wouldnt serve alcohol at all due to keeping costs down.
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Super October 2022
Michele · on October 8, 2020 at 11:59 AM
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I agree with this. If you feel inclined, point out that Jesus drank wine at the wedding at Cana.
Have a fun nonalcoholic bar set up with sodas, lemonades, hot cocoa/coffee, Italian sodas, whichever of those you want to serve.
Best of luck.
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Master August 2019
Rebecca · on October 8, 2020 at 10:08 PM
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As someone who is not at all Christian, but doesn't drink... I have to deal with alcohol being at events all the time.
Invite them. If they really cannot ever be around alcohol... they won't come. (But I do wonder how they move through the world, because most restaurants serve some kind of alcohol.)
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Devoted October 2020
Kirsten · on October 9, 2020 at 6:33 AM
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I'm with your husband on this. You do your party the way you want it and let them decide what's best for them. I grew up Baptist and southern Baptist for part of it, so I understand their rules. If they choose not to come, that's sad, but their choice.
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Dedicated July 2022
Honey · on October 9, 2020 at 7:52 AM
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I had a similar issue. My fiancé’s family are Pentecostal Christians and they don’t drink or dance. But our family and friends do. And we do as well. We decided that we wanted to dance and drink because it is a celebration and they can always not come to the wedding. His dad is a Pastor and he will be doing our ceremony. His dad has also mentioned that if he sees his son drinking he will leave 🤷🏽‍♀️ My fiancé didn’t care because he feels it’s our day and we should enjoy it.
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Devoted June 2021
Victoria · on October 9, 2020 at 3:00 PM
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As a non-denom Christian, I make the decision not to drink, but I always leave it up to everyone else to drink if they would like. My fiance drinks on occasion and both of our family drinks socially as well. Just like all these other lovely ladies are saying, it's YOUR DAY! You make the calls girl and do whatever you feel comfortable with, but don't rag on yourself for feeling any guilt.
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Savvy February 2021
Heather · on October 9, 2020 at 3:48 PM
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Wow, thank you all so much for the words of encouragement! So glad I’m not the only own that’s dealt with this but appreciate of all the supportive words! This has helped me out a lot so thank you again!
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VIP April 2022
CountryBride · on October 10, 2020 at 10:40 AM
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Its your wedding don't feel guilty for having alcohol or inviting them enjoy your bar and have fun
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VIP October 2020
Anna · on October 10, 2020 at 11:13 AM
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I’ve got the opposite. While my FH & I ate comfortable with drinking socially, but due to budget restraints, we’re not having alcohol at our reception and his few family members who are coming to the ceremony are upset that there will not be alcohol at the reception. I come from a southern baptist background. My FH considers himself nondenominational (was raised Catholic, attended a Methodist church in early adulthood, but 3 years ago began attending a southern baptist church and says that’s when he really gave his life to Christ). We attend a southern baptist church together.

I would still invite them. If they are uncomfortable, then they can choose not to come or not to stay for the reception, but I would probably be hurt by not getting an invite just because of my denomination. I don’t think I’ve ever had alcohol at anyone’s wedding. My choice and because I have picky tastes.
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June 2021
Dj Tanner · on October 10, 2020 at 12:30 PM
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The part where you said “ celebrating us” it what they should be focused on. I would keep your bar And invite them. If you’re doing a wedding website you can put something along the lines of ‘this event will include passed hors d’oeuvres, open bar service, dinner and dancing, or something along those lines so that way it’s known to them ahead of time the alcohol will be there. If they have an issue with it they will RSVP no. Otherwise it’s just for one day that they have to be around alcohol. If they care about your wedding enough, they will attend and show support.
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Super November 2021
Alejandra · on October 10, 2020 at 1:59 PM
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I understand your concern, and I think it’s so nice of you to want them to enjoy their time. Have they actually said anything to you about having alcohol at the wedding, or are you just worried cuz you know it’s a no-no? If they haven’t said anything about it, I wouldn’t sweat it. I would, however, mention the bar on the invitation. Are you doing an open bar? If so, and I know this may open up a whole other can of worms, but would you consider doing a cash bar so that each individual is responsible for themselves and the responsibility is off you?
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