Alcohol at the reception

It’s not fair for guests who don’t drink to impose their beliefs on others. Each adult is responsible for him/herself.

A fair compromise can be to offer beer & wine but no hard alcohol.

At a very Christian evening wedding I went to years ago at a nice hotel, there were just two bottles of wine per table (one red, one white). Non-drinking tables gave their bottles to drinking tables. Everyone seemed fine with it.

I'd do what PP said and have just beer and wine. You could pay for that portion yourself, even?

I like the other posters ideas beer and wine only. What if the roles were reversed ? Would they want his family telling them what they can and can’t do?

I agree with everyone else! You can offer just beer & wine. Or you can serve alcohol up until a certain point. I went to a wedding where they only offered alcohol for two hours (during the cocktail hour & dinner). Or maybe having a cash bar would limit people buying drinks?

This is a tough decision, but honestly your family should understand that the majority of weddings have alcohol.

My advice to you is to plan the party you and your FH want to have and to work on not worrying about everyone's opinions. You can't make everyone happy and why stress yourself over it? Don't let it taint this super special time in your lives.
We are paying for the wedding ourselves so that we can have the wedding we want. We also have very religious Catholic and. Christian families but they all drink alcohol lol There will be one uncle that doesn't drink at our wedding. We are having an open bar and whiskey and tequila tastings. Our favors are wine stoppers. Do all the guests drink wine? I don't know and I don't care haha I'm planning a celebration of us and what we like and are inviting our loved ones to share in that celebration with us.

Dry wedding!!

Not all guests who drink like wine. I hate it myself. It's your wedding, and I agree you can't please everyone. It's the wedding of you and your fiancee, and not the guests. If you want the alcohol there, then have it. God is not going to not be on your side because someone has a beer. I grew up in a very religious family too, and am still very spiritual. Maybe just get a certain amount and when it's gone it's goine

I think you need to plan the wedding that you and your FH want, and can afford, and stop worrying about what everyone else thinks. No one is going to force your alcohol free family to drink. If they choose not to attend your wedding because alcohol will be served, that's on them. Do they never attend concerts, sporting events, festivals, etc. where others consume alcohol? I don't see a difference. It's not fair to punish other guests because of your family's religious beliefs.

While it would be unfair to ask people opposed to drinking to pay for alcohol it is equally unfair for those opposed to alcohol to insist everyone abstain. If you would like to provide alcohol, even if it's just wine and beer, could you pay for that yourself? No one is forcing your family to drink, and they should not force anyone else not to.

No matter who is paying, the wedding is for you and your fiancé. That’s two separate people with two separate families and two separate sets of ideals. You won’t be able to please everyone, but you should find a happy medium closest to the expectations of as many guests as you can. While your family may be helping financially, they should be considering the values of your fiancé. Once you are married, they will be your family too. What makes it right that they can totally disregard basically your other family? A wedding is not just a ceremony with vows, but an event which you are hosting. To be a good host, you may have to provide foods or beverages which you don’t care for. To me, not serving alcohol because you don’t like it is about as silly as not serving water because you don’t like it.

If your family is paying for the wedding I don't see how you can force them to provide alcohol when it goes against their beliefs. That being said, can you pay for part of the reception to provide it?

We had a similar dilemma . We decided to go with a dry wedding because really only one person would "miss" it and she's going to be carrying it in her purse anyway.

My husband's father, mother, aunt & uncle don't drink because his stepmother & sister have a drinking problem (and his uncle used to). My husband and I drink at pretty much any event, so we 100% were going to have alcohol. It wasn't their wedding, it was ours. I wasn't going to punish most our guests because a small select group didn't drink.

My family does not drink alcohol but FHs family are big drinkers and he and I also drink. We came to the agreement we would do margaritas as my choice and Jack and coke as his and offer one type of beer, for those who don't wish to drink we will have both sweet and unsweet tea, water, and coffee. I think with this the adults should act like adults and if they don't drink then they should pay no mind to the alcohol table. For those who do drink don't let them go overboard on the alcohol and remind them that it is a special event that a lot of money has been put into that they should be respectful

I think if your parents are paying, they absolutely get the final decision on whether to serve alcohol or not. If you and your FI, or his parents, are contributing, then you can add it and pay for it yourselves. Whether it's right or wrong, money often comes with strings. If you dont' want that or don't want to deal with it - then pay for it yourselves.

Personally, I think making alcohol available fine. Those who want to drink can, those who don't, for whatever reason, can abstain. I really don't get how some people feel it's okay to push their personal choices on others (grew up Catholic, they are notorious for this). As far as them "not wanting to be around drunk people", every wedding I've been to, the real shenanigans don't start until late, well after the sober crowd has called it a night. With the exception of a select few, most people aren't walking around trashed as soon as the ceremony is over. And whoever is with those select few drunkies tend to recognize how inappropriate it is and corral them to keep them from disrupting all of the going ons.

I know family can be hard, and it absolutely sucks that they would put you in a position like that.

View Quoted Comment You’re right, it does suck that they put me in this position. It’s hard to fully explain how my family is over one discussion forum but all of these comments are way easier said then done. i think either way someone is gonna be unhappy. I definitely think i just need to have a conversation with my side and see what exactly would bother them about alcohol. I feel like if I wasn’t drinking then i’m not sure what the problem is. I know my grandparents don’t want it to look bad for them since my grandpa is a preacher, which i understand, but if no one in the family is doing it then that’s where i don’t see an issue. I read a comment above about what’s the difference between this and going to a sporting event where people are drinking. I guess that’s true but i know their argument back will be because this is an event for their christian granddaughter where they don’t want it to look bad. I have never been offended or cared if anyone drank near or around me. I think they just need to get over it, but i want to be polite.

Honestly, this situation caused me soooo much stress for so many months. I have a very similar situation. My family is religious and my mother HATES alcohol because my dad was an alcoholic. My parents are divorced and my dad is a couple years sober. I will say that his sobriety also was heavy on my mind although I know that ultimately, it's his responsibility, not mine. My fiance's family likes to drink. They are not religious. While I don't think they would "expect" it, we didn't want anyone to be bored without it. I went back and forth soooo many times trying to choose a side. Finally, I decided to put all guests out of my mind and think about my fiance and I for a second. Neither of us are huge drinkers. We don't drink regularly and probably wouldn't miss the alcohol. However, we do drink socially sometimes and we do have a glass of wine with dinner sometimes. So we decided to serve alcohol because it's more "us". My mom was pissed, told me that my grandma shouldn't say a prayer then and didn't speak to me for a few days. But she's over it now and even told me she could get me a free keg. I should add though that aside from the deposit on our venue and a little towards catering, we are fully funding our wedding. With that financially responsibility also comes complete freedom of choice. So my advice to you is to decide what is more "you" because either way, you can't please everyone. Decide if you want to drink. If not, the fiance's family can go without alcohol for one night. If you do, your family will just have to realize you're an adult and get over it (and they will). And if you are serving, I suggest you pay for it if possible.

Also, I had someone reason with me with "It's not like your family avoids restaurants that serve alcohol just because they don't want to drink it. No one is making them drink".

My fiancé and I are having a dry reception since we are having a small wedding with both our families. We decided afterwards we would go out with our friends and cousins for drinks and dancing to celebrate. If your family is that strict you could have a dry ceremony and just do a champagne toast along and have sparkling cider as a non alcoholic option.

I'm going to ignore the religious questions because I can't relate to that, but as for this: "Do my finance and I pay for the wedding ourselves? Do we ask his family to pay?"

I think paying for your own wedding is the way to go. Accepting offers of assistance is ok, as long as you accept that money often comes with strings. Only you can decide if the strings are worth it to you. But asking for people to pay if they haven't offered is never a good idea, so don't ask his family for money.