Aita: if i don't change my wedding date

Keep your date. She is the one overreacting

NTA. A month apart is very workable and her expecting you to wait an entire year is unrealistic.

She gets one day, that’s it

Sorry, are you getting married this year or next?


I do think your sister is being a bit over the top, but she probably feels a bit annoyed if you say you aren't engaged but are also booking a venue etc.

I know this may not be a popular response, but I think it all depends on how close you are to your sister. My sister is my best friend. I love her dearly and she would do anything for me, as I would for her. I would change my date if it made her happy. If you don’t change your date then that does NOT necessarily mean you are in the wrong. Is your family close? Could you see what your parents think? The one thing about postponing is that you would not have to compete with your sister. Plus, hopefully, the Covid pandemic would be absolutely controlled and you would not have to worry about it. Whatever you decide, I know it will be the right choice for yoi

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A small ceremony with 10 guests will occur this June 2021.

We will have the larger (~100) celebratory wedding in May of 2022.

I should add she is legally married already and has been for a while.

We have not announced our engagement to anyone as of yet, but could be considered engaged as we know its eachother and he has been involved in the wedding planning. He wanted to formally ask with the ring.

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I thought we were close but she selected her date AFTER me and is now asking me to change mine. She was more concerned with Covid and did not know what year she even wanted when we selected our date.

our parents are toxic.

I've come across this before in my family. And I found it quite shocking to discourage or try to have someone change their wedding because it's too close. I don't even get why that's an issue. Don't change it, your sister needs to chill.

As someone with 4 sisters (yup) and lots of close female cousins who I dearly love, I know where this is coming from and it is drama. Don't entertain it. You and your sister are two separate people with separate lives and completely separate wedding celebrations. Everyone gets ONE day. Be gentle and kind and loving to her, but let her know this.

There is absolutely no reason to change dates. It is not uncommon to go to no major celebrations a few years, then have 4-6 major celebrations in 3-4 months. You are talking very small numbers. She is making this a misery for no reason. Her attitude now is more trouble that weddings separated by 3 weeks would ever be. She needs to grow up. As for taking away the spotlight, does she think other people sit around thinking of her all of the time, unless someone schedules another event? Newsflash, people could add up all the time they think of her when not at her events into a hundred moments that may occupy an hour or two if you add up the minutes. The rest they are thinking of dessert or Covid or the weather or the other important things in life. You scheduling things weeks apart will not cut any ray of sunshine that would have come to her. All this drama to get attention of so few people. As for engagement, when you have agreed to marry each other, in the foreseeable future, you are engaged. You do not need a ring or a formal announcement. Plan your wedding and tell her to bother someone else with her pettiness. At the risk of them seeing how petty and childish she can be. When they think about her, it won't be of her wedding, but gossip and laughter about her spoiled little girl complaints. She is ruining her own image if other people get wind of it and start laughing at her.
You are not doing a thing "to" her. It is a shame. My husband and I each had siblings and cousins and friends who married the same 7 months, and because we all were so happy and sharing the love, and our families so upbeat, that made it more joyous for all of us. And we still found time and love for those graduating, and babies born, and their parties.

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I see. Sorry you are having such difficulty over something that should be a happy occasion. I do hope it works out and everyone can be kind and forgiving. I didn’t realize you were actually engaged and did not know your sister was married. A small ceremony in June should not steal your sister’s thunder. I hope you can work it out.

Honestly, I’d wait until you’re officially engaged to even have these finite of discussions and plan making. It could end up being a non-issue if timing for either of you is to change.

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I'd rather not loose out on another date.

From her perspective: you aren’t even engaged, you picked a month for your wedding anyway that she worked around when planning hers, and now you’ve changed your plans. 🧐
Yes you each only get one day, but it makes sense that she feels like yours being just prior will take away some of the specialness of hers (and more importantly, the time for you both to be as involved in every aspect leading up to each other’s big days!) While you don’t need to move your day, this disagreement will likely hang over your head throughout the planning process. Is there really a reason to taint both of your celebrations by putting down your foot bc of a particular type of flower??

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I should also add that she suggested the litteral night before having this move your wedding out of may 2022 discussion on having it later in the month after i had told her that i lost my original date. This flower is actually really meaningful to me, i can't get into direct details on how but it saved my life from both suicide and an abusive Ex.

View Quoted Comment No, we NEED to stop justifying and coddling this toxic idea in the wedding world that someone else's event being near yours matters in any way and that you should be able to make demands about it. I have seen this blow up families and friend groups one too many times. Everyone gets ONE DAY. One. Not a month, not a season, a day. Someone else's wedding being near yours (general, not you specifically) doesn't make it less special, and nobody is stealing your thunder because there is no thunder to be stolen. People only think about your engagement/marriage on your ONE wedding day and no other day. Every single bride tantruming about someone's wedding being near theirs: Cut. It. Out.

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Exactly this. You set your date, let her know up front and she agreed it was ok. She had no idea when she wanted her, and has changed it multiple times. Who's to say if you change yours, she won't change hers again to being at the same time as whatever you select? There's no rule about have having weddings close together, and no reason why you shouldn't keep your date. You're further along in planning, and have reasons why you choose that time of year. If she doesn't want her close, she can change her date.

Who got engaged when or chose first does not matter, unless you were talking the same weekend. Some people have only a month or two engagement. But as long as they are a week away or more from other family, it does not even need to be discussed.
And one of these parties is for 10 people? They could be one Friday and one Saturday, and not strain people's budget or attention span. Some completely different person's bridal or baby shower, high school or college graduation, or wedding, is more likely to come up and be reason for some guests to decline, it is so petty of her to worry about the two of you. Will she flip entirely if people miss her celebrations for these? She cannot make the world hold still for her.

No one owns a whole year. your sister needs to realize that your weddings are a month apart and she doesn’t get to own a whole calendar year because she was engaged first!