Aging family members... any suggestions

If he is at all unsteady on his feet, you might be able to convince him to use a wheelchair (which will confine him a bit). Maybe after the ceremony and family pics, someone can take him home -- if he's having a bad night.

Is a family member usually responsible for caring for him? Because you might want to check with that person and see if they are up to it on the day of the wedding. I completely understand how it feels, but you need to do what is best for your FH's grandfather.

Between the two of us, my grandmother was our only remaining grandparent. She also has Alzheimer's, is already confined to a wheelchair, and can't handle extreme temperatures. As hard as it was, we all realized it was not a good idea for her to attend our outdoor summer wedding. We left the decision to my aunt, who is her caretaker when she is out of her home, and even she realized it was for the best.

As for how you can make him a part of your day, you can call him at some point, maybe take some phone pictures before the ceremony and things start to get crazy and send them to his caretaker. You and your FH can also promise to visit (and follow through) sometime after the wedding and talk about the day and share pictures.

We had this problem with my aunt when our son got married. He really wanted her there. (so did DIL) We hired a caregiver for the day and took pics with her before the wedding. She was in a wheelchair also. The caregiver took her home after the pics and stayed with her. She was very agitated by the time pics were over due to the change of scenery. The pics came out great. No one would guess she had advanced Alzheimer's.

That's a good call about the wheelchair, Nancy. He is still walking, but the wheelchair might make him more comfortable.

Unfortunately, FH's dad is the primary care person for his grandfather, and I definitely don't want to ask him to watch over him as his son gets married. I was just really hoping he would be able to make it, but maybe he will have to stay home. We will have to come up with other solutions. You have some good options, Reese

@lovinglife, good point. FH's grandfather is in an assisted living home. We should look into seeing if on of the caretakers from his home would be able to join us for a short time, at least for pictures. I know FH would really want that

Richard, you make a really good point that we hadn't thought of, his own comfort. I really think we'll have to think it over and determine the best option, which might just be leaving him at home and finding other ways to celebrate with him.

Richard: I completely agree with you, you put it perfectly. I've had people in my family with Alzheimer and dementia and I've been accused of the same things that you were.

I vote for following Richards advice-

BTW Richard, have you considered being a wedding Day of Coordinator? I bet you'd make a great one

KP, I work with the elderly and I have to echo the sentiment of, that is an incredibly over stimulating environment for someone with dementia.

Maybe not on the day of, but some time after, you and your DH can go to the assisted living in your suit and wedding gown and take pictures with him then. Not only does it make it more comfortable for him, but I'm sure the other residents would love seeing you guys too!

My thoughts are the same as MysticBride's - go on another day all dressed up for pictures, or maybe find time between the ceremony and reception, or go before the ceremony if you're doing a first look.

We are having to consider this with my grandmother as well. We actually hired a professional adult babysitter to help her out at the wedding and take her to the hotel early if she needs it. That way everyone can have a great time without stressing over who's watching your family members.

I mean this in the nicest way possible, so please take my words in a positive way: Do you want him there because he is cognizant and has expressed that he wants to be there? Or do you want him there because it is important to you? If it is only the latter, then the best thing to do would to put his health and comfort first and perhaps visit him the next day in your wedding gear, etc. If it is because he is okay and wants to be there, then by all means include him. In this case, I would certainly hire a professional caregiver for the day.

Does he have a caretaker? If so they should be present, and they can take care of grandpa and take him home if he needs to leave.

Is it possible to set up a video chat at some point during the reception?

He definitely has someone who could take care of him and could leave when needed, but FH and I talked it over last night, we're going to speak to FHs parents this weekend. We think it would be best if he didn't attend, based in many of your comments. We're going to find a way to include him either earlier in the day or the following day. It's upsetting, but he'll be comfortable and safe. Thanks all for your comments, it helped us out things into perspective.

What about setting aside time to go by the facility for pictures with him?

PLEASE, listen to Richard. I cared for my dad for almost 10 years and had to make the decision to not bring him to my son's wedding but it really was the best for him.