Age limits for flower girl and ring bearer?

I think that is starting to go beyond the cute years for those roles.

View Quoted Comment It’s not supposed to be cute necessarily. They’ll be the only kids at the wedding and I’d like to include them in the ceremony

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The links i see below this discussion suggest more like jr. bridesmaid and groomsman. People will probably share other options.

But you always have the fallback statement if you do have those original roles -- your promised that to them years ago.

I’d recommend offering up more age-appropriate roles to them (maybe junior bridesmaid and usher) but also make it clear that it’s totally ok if they’d rather come as guests. Kids in that age range are at the point where they’re wanting adults to take them more seriously (I know I longed for that at 11-14!).


Flower girls and ring bearers are also not mandatory. No one from either of our sides were age-appropriate, so we decided to nix having the roles altogether. Honestly it was a relief because there were 2 less things for us to worry about amongst 50 million other things for the wedding.

I would just ask them. They’re old enough to make that kind of decision for themselves. Otherwise, the above suggestion of junior bridesmaid/groomsman may be a good alternative.

Would it work for your niece to give flowers to people sitting in aisle seats instead of scattering petals? Or give flowers to Moms, Grandma's, if any are present? The ring bearer could be dressed in an age appropriate suit, and carry the rings in a ring box, (so many options on Etsy), or even be the "ring security" you may have seen. I think it's wonderful that you want to include them. If Grandmas and Grandpas can be flower girls and ring bearers, so can nieces and nephews that are special to the bride. Best wishes for your wedding!

I would just ask them how they feel about it. If they are comfortable with it, go for it!
I’ve seen people use same-aged peers and even grandmothers as flower girls! These are made up roles, so there are no rules and no age limits. If the kids are comfortable with it, I think this would be super cute!

Traditionally, flower/ring children are 3-9. Ask them if they are comfortable with the roles because not everyone is in that age bracket. It’s also ok to have them be regular guests.

Kids deserve agency so I wouldn't "hold them to it", but just ask them. They will be the best judges of whether or not they should do it. If they decline or show discomfort (please refrain from putting on a guilt trip!), accept graciously. Your wedding won't suffer at all if you don't have a flower girl or ring bearer.

If they still want to be the ring bearer and flower girl then I don't see a problem with it, people of all ages fill those roles now. But if they don't want to for whatever reasons I wouldnt hold them to the promise. Definitely leave it up to them. Good luck!

“Too old” is when they’re no longer interested in doing it. …there could be a 13 year old not wanting to because they’re trying desperately to feel grown up and a 16 year old who is happy to do it just wanting to be included. No age limit, just a comfort limit.

As others have suggested, you can play with the roles too to make them feel more grown up. Our “flower maid” is my FH’s 20-year-old daughter. She will be carrying a sign with a song lyric, standing with us at the altar, and dressed the same as my MOH, and she was excited to do it when she still thought we were gonna have her toss flower petals and stuff. Our ring bearer will be 10 but is the best man’s son and is excited to have a role in the wedding with his dad. My friend’s 13 year old was just a flower girl at a wedding that required multiple dress changes, and no one batted an eye because she’s close to the bride and one of the youngest kids in the family. I don’t think kids even know there’s some kind of age cutoff, so nothing for them to feel embarrassed about.

Our flower girl turned 11 a couple weeks before our wedding, and she was still stoked to wear a big puffy dress and toss the petals. If the kids still want to fulfill those roles, I think that'd be very sweet! But there's also the option of junior bridesmaid/groomsmen if they'd be more comfortable with that. At their ages, and given that it sounds like you have a close relationship, I'd just ask them!

It's your wedding... And I don't see why not.