After-Party Wedding Shower

I dont understand why this is an issue. Why do you care about what people do after your shower?

If your shower is over, why does it matter? It's her house so she can invite whoever she wants. You can't control her house.

Sounds like a long day as a guest, but your shower is first anyways. She hasn't done anything wrong here. Even when people live close they don't always have time to see one another and they'll already be dressed and available after your shower. Or maybe she wants to include the guys since bridal showers are typically just for the ladies.

Yes I think I am just overreacting a bit. I think I'm jaded because his mom and sister have had a problem with every single thing we've done for the wedding so now just little things are pissing me off too. It's also like nothing has been about us... It's been what everyone else wants and it's partially our fault because we are trying to go along to get along at this point for the sake of not fighting! It is a jack and jill shower and only his dad's family is invited.

Are they Haitian? I ask bcz I am, and I'm feeling some shade

There has also been drama about the shower. We wanted Jack and jill and my fiances mother and sister said it's "gay" and no one would come. Then his mom asked my mom to pay for a high tea at $65 a head. So the whole shower ordeal has been unsavory concerning them. It's just nastiness so I'm on guard for the next thing!

They are not Haitian. What do you mean?

What's a jack and Jill shower? Because my understanding of it isn't good...

Then never mind bcz i was referring to something that is common among in laws from Haiti... by that I mean causing unnecessary stress to the bride to be....

Ohhhh, I feel ya girl. I wish all in laws were supportive, they've been the most stressful part of our wedding planning... Like everyone sees it too and is feeling bad for us.

A Jack and Jill wedding shower is a shower where the bride and groom celebrate together. So because we are both getting married and we both picked out all of our new wedding gifts, we wanted to do it together. It seems absolutely "normal" for us to do this and we didn't even know we would get backlash.

What does the fact that your mom and sister worked hard have to do with your finances sister having a party?

Read comments above.

Since it's after the show I don't think it's rude, but I can see why it rubbed you the wrong way. My future in-laws are also making things difficult for us.

An after party has nothing to do with your actual shower. Did you plan on hanging out with all your guests after? Don't see why you think it's rude.

Maybe I'm in the minority, but I can see why you're irritated. If her "party guests" are at your shower, and it sounds like quite a few of them are, what you're worried about is that those guests will be looking forward to the better party and start checking their watches after the second hour. Or, maybe they'll show up late because they know they're going to have a long day. Maybe you're also worried about guests who might decline your shower and attend her party instead because two parties in one day is a lot for most people over the age of 25.

Is your FSIL leaving your shower early to set up for her party? That would be rude, but overall, Is it technically an etiquette fail? No, I guess not. But it's not nice to put guests into a situation in which they're likely to keep the eating and drinking to a bare minimum at one party because they're going to a second party -- hosted by a wedding VIP -- after your shower.

She could have been more thoughtful and done it the next weekend. Anyway, don't let it ruin your day. The guests are still coming, you'll have a few hours of fun, and they'll shower you with gifts. And, at the end of the day, that's what showers are all about.

Your mother in law and sister in law sound pretty pushy and rude - you need to set some boundaries with them. If having a co-ed shower (jack and Jill - I've also heard that term used for a fundraising event before a wedding but based on your description I think you just wanted a co-ed shower) that's what you should have had! And your fmil can't force your mom to pay for anything. You guys need to say no when they're overstepping. In my mind, that's the larger problem than the party.

As for the party, what type of party is it? I attended an out of town shower recently and the bride's aunt had a BBQ at her house for close out of town family and friends so they would have a relaxing place to hang out the night of, since they were in a strange city. It was really nice, laid back, a way to spend time with family/friends we don't see often, and didn't detract from the shower at all. If she's planning something like this, I wouldn't be upset about the party. If it's something bigger, I can see being upset.