Afraid i might not be strict enough

Advice could be to not worry so much about anyone thoughts and feelings? Nobody's going to ultimately care about catering venue or your dress... You do not need anyone's approval... I'm not sure I understand where is this coming from? Are you indecisive? Making your own decisions to your own liking does not make you a bridezilla...

View Quoted Comment I have a history of being known as a little bit of a control-freak which is why I'm being overly cautious to not upset anyone and I also have severe PTSD so I do everything possible to make sure others aren't upset or annoyed just for my own sanity.
You're right that I should just focus on what my fiance and I want but it's sometimes difficult...
Thank you

You need to make your own choices and stop asking them...I would never ask my bridesmaids if I could get my makeup done on my wedding day? Or about my cake? It sounds like that’s you asking for their advice but they shouldn’t have a say in the end it’s all your decision. I would stop running things by them unless it’s for a simple question that you need to know.... They seem to be walking all over you but they think it’s completely okay. Do they just think you are so lax about everything you won’t care either way? Making your own decisions for YOUR wedding does not make you a bridezilla by any means. Seems like you may be caring a lot about what they will think of your choices. Stop worrying about being a ‘bridezilla’ quiet honestly I don’t think you could be one if you tried.

From one people-pleaser to another... I agree with PP, this is your wedding and in the end YOU need to be happy with how it turns out! Do you have a vision? I'm sure you do! I know we, as brides, get overly concerned with what people will think about our wedding day and we want to make it an enjoyable experience for everyone. But everyone will have differing opinions anyway, and you will not be able to please everyone 100%. In the end, this is the only day you get. Make it perfect for you and try to lean less on the opinions of others, because I think you might end up unhappy if you do. You can have a beautiful wedding that suits you and your FH without being a bridezilla.

You . are . allowed . to . have . opinions . on . your . wedding . day!

As long as you show gratitude for people showing up and supporting you on this big day, and don't treat your bridal party like personal servants, you are not a bridezilla.

View Quoted Comment Just read this after my post. I understand a bit more as you’ve went into the situation a little deeper. Still being known as a control freak should not make you question your every move because you don’t want to come off as one. I think it’s good to have something in mind and a course of action and stick to it. I think that will make you feel a lot better and maybe even your bridesmaids a bit too. It’s very nice of you to care so much but really you need to care about your own feelings as well.

Have a go to person who can take what you want and relay it to your bridesmaid and be more strict about it. My matron of honor is doing that for me and she keeps on top of everything! It's really nice to not have to worry about it! Or worry that someone will. Ot like it

You're going to drive yourself crazy trying to make everybody happy. That's something I had to learn a long time ago because I was a people-pleaser too. Express yourself through your wedding that's yours, not anyone else's. Opinions are fine to get, but at the end of the day it's you who needs to be happy with your wedding

Actually, I think besides what directly involves the bridesmaids it's easier on *them* to give less "approvals" towards your decisions! I understand if you've had a controlling tendency to want to treat lightly, but so long as you're doing your best to be aware (and you obviously are) your bridal party will appreciate the effort. And you know what, everybody at some point gets a little anxious /demanding /emotional when it's their wedding, and that is something a bridal party should be able to anticipate and handle with grace. Nobody is perfect, even on their wedding. 😉 I suggest making lists of (reasonable) duties for people ahead of time so on the day you don't have to get fussy about whether people are doing their part or not, and ask someone else to oversee those responsibilities. Weddings get crazy, but you shouldn't have to be in the middle of it more than you have to! And if you're not perfect, don't beat yourself up about it. Good luck 🤞❤️

I have literally planned every single detail of our wedding and I’m not apologizing for it. My fiancé knows I’m in my element and so do my girls. You don’t need to ask permission or be concerned about turning into bridezilla. Bridezilla in my opinion is someone who becomes a rude you know what when stuff doesn’t go her way, have manners and be kind, but make the choices you want and you’ll be good.

Personally. I get it — really lol- but I would stop, I did.. I think you need to take control (not to the extent of becoming a bridezilla) there are ways to lead and plan without being bossy and overpowering - still accept /ask for suggestions and opinions when you want but not too much or else you’ll end up planning a wedding consisted of pieces of “Their” weddings.

Look at it like this.... at the end of the day your tribe wants you to be happy. However, they simply will never care about the details like you, so Do You. I’m actually having a blast over each big and small detail. I usually involve my mom bc we are so excited and similar personalities, but I think my peeps would think I’m crazy if I brought them into my headspace on everything lol

View Quoted Comment SNAP SNAP SNAP. Mmmmmmm hmmmmm!

It’s good to be considerate of others but you don’t need to bug them with every decision. Maybe a good compromise is checking with others when it’s a decision that directly affects them (makeup, attire, etc) but stuff like cake design, what you’re wearing, etc that really doesn’t affect the guest experience leave to yourself and your fiancé 3)

I was the same way for our first wedding. I tried to make everyone else happy, asked their opinion on everything, even bought all of the dresses and paid for all of the tuxes. This time, I am running things by my girls(my adult daughters are standing up with us), but ultimately the decision is mine. You have to realize this day is about YOU, and what YOU and FS want. Not anybody else. It doesn't make you a bridezilla to want what you want for your day. Your cake should be the one you and FS pick, and you should in no way ask permission to get your makeup done, or anything else for that matter. YOU DO YOU!

I personally think it starts a vicious cycle to start asking for other people's approval on everything wedding related. I feel like I kind of started out like that too, wanting to involve everyone and make sure things were convenient for other people, and that they liked my ideas. Well, after time I found myself getting really stressed out because my own vision for my wedding started to get a little blurry, and I wasn't feeling confident in my decisions any more. I eventually had several heart to hearts with my FH, and just decided our wedding is on a "need to know" basis now. It's our big day, and no one else's, so we shouldn't be stressing out about what dress other people like, or what food other people want to eat, or anything else.

When you focus on you, and your FH big day and your own expectations, you'll still probably have some amount of stress - that's only natural, but it'll be soooo much better than what you're dealing with now. WW is here for you

You can do a disservice to yourself if you have the wedding of everyone else’s dream instead of yours. Go with your gut and only consult them if it’s a split decision and you can’t settle, there is no wrong way to do anything Wedding are simply preference based

I think you’re doing fine. I’m sorry if they are not acting the war you had hoped. I would stick with your instinct and do what you want. This is your day !

I think there is a difference between being "strict" vs "decisive." For issues like their apparel and HMU, I think it makes sense to give them input on those decisions (within reason), but everything else related to the wedding like your appearance, the ceremony, reception set-up, vendors, etc., those are decisions just you and FH should be making. The more you ask for peoples' unnecessary opinions the more you're going to complicate things and potentially frustrate yourselves. (And, possibly irritate your friends. Personally, I'd get really tired of frequent messages about details that don't really concern me. So if you truly "want people to be happy," I'd stop asking so many questions/trying to involve them in stuff they don't need to be concerned with.)

I have done this exact same thing. However, my BM's know that the final "go ahead" comes from me. I have registered on SO many dress sites and they are all adding their favorites or their own likes and whatnot to these sites. I am letting them pick 3 of their favorites and then we will narrow those down to the final choice.

As far as getting their opinions on every aspect of your day, that's fine BUT do not let them have the final say. That is a choice you and the FH need to make. My girls are great and they know our style, likes and dislikes so I am not too worried about coming off as a bridezilla with them.

Of course I have never been a passive person and they all know that. It's ok to stand up for yourself and let them know how you are feeling. You and the FH can make this day everything you want it to be without being "jerks".

My wedding is this Saturday, & if there's 1 thing I regret most of all during this entire hellish process (it's been rough), it's tip-toeing around people to make sure I didn't turn into a Bridezilla. I didn't get my bridal party's opinions on the actual wedding (cake, catering, etc), but I wasn't as strict as I needed to be in regards to their outfits, makeup, etc. Because I didn't "put my foot down", we didn't actually go dress shopping & ended up ordering dresses online through Azazie. I did say they had to wear the same dress, but it took FOREVER for everyone to decide on a single style, then it took even longer for them to get the money together & actually order the dresses despite me saying it had to be ordered by a certain date. Now the dresses are in, the material is bleh (from what they're telling me), & I'm not confident in how they're going to look in pictures (based on the pictures they sent)...I haven't even seen these dresses in person yet! There's more...and I could go on all day, but the bottom line is I was so worried about how they would react to me being "bossy" that I basically failed to get anything I truly wanted out of this bride - bridesmaid experience. I think as long as you're not throwing things & belittling people, you should be ok. If they don't understand that the decisions you're making are what YOU truly want for your day & they can't get w/ the program, then they can watch from the guest section rather than the wedding party.