There is a lot of mental illness in my family, addiction and trauma. My fiance and I grew up similar and got sucked down before meeting. We both have 6 years sober now. We are so happy and have come so far. We were engaged last April and everyone in our familys were on board. My dad seemed apprehensive thinking he was going to he asked to pay for majority. Making mean and nasty comments. My fmil, mom, fh and I have paid the majority of everything. He has been asked to contribute the least amount of everyone. We have picked a father daughter song/ his suit is picked out he just needs to go be measured, the rehearsal dinner is set and planned and hes been given the great honor of walking me down the isle and really all of it. Yesterday he stared having this bipolar breakdown, he has new girlfriend with 2 small children. Im 35 they are "7 and 8 years old" saying im taking away from his wife and children. "Theyve been together a little over a year". He has taken so much from me in my life. I really just thought he would come through this time. I blocked him on everything and told him to just go away. He is free from all responsibilities. Just leave me alone. All the fun things are coming up and im just heartbroken.
You shouldn't be asking him to contribute at all. You and your FI are responsible for paying for your own wedding, except to the extent someone volunteers to help out.
That being said, your family can't ruin your wedding. You're getting married to the person you love. If your father isn't there, well, it sounds like he's never really been there for you. Celebrate with the people who are important to you, even if those don't include him.
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This was a deal he made with my mother. The money was only mentioned because this is excuse to behave this way. There have been many reasons throughout the years. Mainly milestones and celebrations. I forget. I completely forget hes capable of this and then im in shock every time.
I'm assuming because you said it, he has truly been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. If that's true, I'm guessing you know a fair amount his illness, including difficulties he may have controlling his behavior and reactions. I'm sorry your family members have mental health issues. If you aren't yet aware, there is a fabulous organization, National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) that provides incredible FREE resources to those who suffer with mental health issues, AND THEIR FAMILY MEMBERS. I cannot say enough positive things about NAMI; for the family members of those with mental illness it can truly be a godsend in the way it offers resources and support. I am truly sorry your dad has let you down, but it may be he doesn't have much control over his reactions and behaviors -- they also probably have nothing to do with how he feels about you. I wish you peace and happiness as you negotiate planning your wedding in the midst of things you cannot control. Best wishes....
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