Advise needed! Out of town guest etiquette?

Personally I think it's a bit rude that they're asking for you to host two events. Like they're only willing to come if you pay for all their meals. Is this a common thing in your family? I only ask because it's not common in mine. Only the people part of the wedding, maybe siblings and grandparents attend the rehearsal dinner.

It is rude of them to ask if they are invited to things and it is also rude of them to ask/expect you to host them for unecessary events. I think the rehearsal dinner should be only for those participating in the wedding ceremony, immediate family, and SOs- I really don't think it's necessary to invite all OOT guests. In this case it sounds like a large portion of your guest list is OOT.

I think welcome bags are a waste of money tbh. Are you all staying in the same hotel? Our hotel offers continental breakfast for everyone staying over. Our plan is to hang out in the area that they're serving the breakfast and mingle with whoever is around in the morning. A lot of FH's family and our college friends are traveling 2-3 hours so they will all be staying in the hotel.

Can you afford the extra money? Do you want to spend it on that?

Is it rude of them to ask? Yes, but you really should be inviting them to the rehearsal dinner. Since so many of your guests are OOT it seem rude that your not inviting them to the rehearsal dinner. You are paying for the wedding yes, but they are paying to buy you a gift, fly 800 miles to your wedding, buy an outfit, and other costs. If your rehearsal dinner is at some elaborate location, move it and just do a simple pizza and beer or bbq caterer event. It doesn't have to be fancy.

We can not afford it, which is causing tension between my FH and I. He thinks it unrealstic and unnecessary. I can't say it's normal in my family, I'm the first one to really move farther than a mile down the road. Black sheep of the group. So after we turned down the suggestions of our wedding in NY, and the option of Two ceremonies, this was the next "suggestion". Because they are traveling so far to only see us on one day where we will be very preoccupied. We have not even discussed a rehearsal. We dont want anything high end or too fancy. So we may be able to accommodate all traveling guests. But, I did not want to confirm or deny incase we were unable to accommodate. Which is where other suggestions came into play.

I disagree, I don't think you need to invite anyone other than your immediate family, your BP, and your officiant to the rehearsal dinner. It's called a rehearsal dinner because it's for the people who have to rehearse for the wedding. It's not for everyone just because they happen to be there.

That being said, hosting a morning after brunch is nice thing to do if you have a lot of OOT guests. We are doing that, but our venue includes brunch for up to 30 people as part of the wedding package. I'm not sure how many people will be there but brunch is more affordable than dinner!

If you can't afford it don't do it. A post wedding breakfast is nice but if you don't have the money you can't make yourself insane for it. It was rude for them to ask you to have it. It is one thing to ask if there is one but it sounds like they are pushy and it is not their place. You are hosting a wedding that is the event they ate traveling for, if that isn't enough then they can stay home.

They were rude to ask. IMO those in the wedding are the ones invited to rehearsal dinner (along with their SO). I would not feel obligated to invite OOT guests. The morning after the wedding .... A brunch would be very generous of you ... But not necessary.

It is NOT rude of you to exclude them from the rehearsal dinner. The rehearsal dinner is typically for the people who need to rehearse, i.e., the people actually in the wedding ceremony (immediate family, BM, GM, readers, officiant, and everyone's date/SO). If you can afford it and want to invite OOT guests, that's great! But in no way are you obligated to do so.

It was rude for them to ask you to even do any of those extra and unnecessary things. The only people that need to be at the rehearsal dinner are the people in the BP and any siblings you may have.

I can relate, we live in NY and are traveling to IL, what a joyous road trip haha I agree with the above, you shouldn't feel obligated to invite them to the RD. So long as you did your part in reserving hotel blocks and offering those suggestions on the invites they'll decide if they can make the trip on their own, those that want to make it will make it and if they're gonna get upset that they weren't invited to more than the wedding, they're acting silly in my opinion!

I'm glad you asked this question because I actually just ad a very similar question come up, my family is traveling about 4.5 hours to our wedding (local for us). I was talking to my aunt yesterday, and after she asked if my cousins girlfriend can come (yes, a week before the wedding). She asked if we had anything planned for Friday night. I said yeah, I'll be at the venue all day decorating, then we have rehearsal, then rehearsal dinner. She said no, after the rehearsal. So I said no...? I'll be going to bed? So she was like haha ok, us and aunt soandso will just hang out then. And I was like ok...cool. I feel like she was fishing for something, ya know? So I feel you on this, they're adults, they can figure out how to entertain themselves. I do not have the time or money or brain power to plan a pre party party for everyone. Sorry.

We are hosting all of our oot guests to a rehearsal dinner and a brunch the morning after the wedding

I had the thought that if everyone is traveling to attend the wedding those that were in town the night of the rehearsal should be invited to the dinner. My thought process changed however when FH told my FMIL intends on paying for the rehearsal dinner. I do not want her to have to pay for all of the guests. So I have made the RD strictly BP and dates, and family. We will be hosting a cocktails and mingling type of deal right after dinner for guests. ETA it is a DW so no one is local.

You do not have to invite them to the rehearsal dinner! Rehearsal dinners are typically bridal party, officiant, and other immediate family members.

As for brunch, that's up to you. You are not required to host anything extra for out of town guests - you're already hosting a wedding! That said, it would probably mean a lot to your family and FH's family if you take some time to spend with them outside of the wedding.

If you do choose to host a meal, I would do breakfast with FH's family and lunch with yours (or the other way around). That way both families get to spend a little extra time with the married couple. In my family, we typically do some sort of breakfast or brunch and each family pays for themselves. It's a good way to get everyone together without breaking the bride and groom's budget. I don't know how it is with your family, but my family would never assume the bride and groom were going to pay for everyone. I know that isn't true for all families.

I have been told that it is polite to invite all OOT guests to the rehearsal dinner, but FH's one request is that the RD be a formal dinner (his parents have graciously offered to pay for the RD). But all of the guests are going to be from OOT so there is no way financially they can do this. We decided to host an informal farewell brunch for everyone the day after the wedding instead.

I'd never heard of OOT guests being invited to a separate hosted dinner/brunch until I came here. It's a nice gesture but from what I understand, it's certainly not required and I also find it incredibly rude that they're coming to you and asking you to host/invite them to separate events.