Advice

I can undersrand why she's upset yikes!

Once you ask someone to be in the bridal party, changing your mind or their role can unfortunately negatively impact the friendship. The two sides do not necessarily have to be even. I've been a part of weddings where there were more bridesmaids than groomsmen, and everything worked out totally fine. Your bridesmaids are your group of people who you are closest to, and should not be chosen out of obligation, or because someone else wants you to choose them, or to make the sides even. I would let her remain a bridesmaid. If you absolutely have your heart set on the two sides being even, you could ask one of the house party members to be one of the groomsmen?

Big yikes indeed! I would be pretty offended if I were in her position. If I were you I'd seriously apologize and try to retract your suggestion that she step down from the bridal party. Asking someone to not be a bridesmaid anymore simply for the sake of even sides is pretty low

I understand whey she's upset, sounds like a demotion. I would just leave it uneven instead of hurting the feelings of a bridesmaid - she might feel like she isn't important to you anymore since she won't be standing up there with you.

OK, first of all, wedding party sides do not need to be equal. It is very common for them to be uneven. Second of all, you essentially told your bridesmaid that she was being demoted. So of course she is very hurt and upset. Especially since there are nine of them. That means you are basically telling her she ranks as number nine in your friend circle. You probably should have just left it alone with uneven sides. And if you were absolutely adamant about having even sides you should have promoted somebody from the “house party” as you called it to a groomsman. And to be honest creating this “house party” role seems like another way to rank your friendships, basically saying you guys aren’t good enough to be in the top nine friendship spots. It runs the potential of creating a lot of hurt feelings and animosity amongst the different roles (which is evident by the fact your bridesmaid saw the change in title as a demotion).
At this point I wouldn’t worry about the wedding party or even/uneven sides, I would just focus on trying to repair the damage to the friendship.

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Agreeing with this!

I would be hurt as well if I was in her position. You don't ask someone to be a member of the bridal party, just to move them to the house party (to me they sound basically like ushers). Sides don't have to be even...

I mean, what did you expect to happen? You put your desire to have even sides over your friendship. If I were this bridesmaid, I would probably cut you out of my life altogether.

There is no need for things to be even. It is simple that some brides like the look better, balanced in pictures. And she likely feels houseparty is a lesser role. And you are moving her around like a pawn for no good reason other than it suits the look you want for your pictures. To people there live, it will not matter if groups are even in number, at all. I would not be happy either.

I have to agree with PP. You kinda dug your own grave here. This house party thing sounds like a demotion from the start - hey we want you in our wedding but you're not good enough to be a bridesmaid or groomsman. But to move your friend from bridesmaid to house party is a stab in the back. You don't need an even number on both sides and you definitely can't move people (your friends!) around like that.

Oof. She has every right to be offended and at this point it’s a little bit of a lose/lose because she knows you wanted to “demote” her. I’d just apologize profusely and try to keep her as a bridesmaid 😬

Essentially you told your friend “you were important enough to stand by my side when FH had 9 guys on his side, but now you aren’t”. How would you react if the roles were reversed?

Everyone else has covered why that wasn't a good idea. As far as what to do next, all you can do is apologize sincerely and hope she wants to stay in your bridal party. If she chooses not to, DO NOT "fire" a corresponding groomsman to make things even. And if she has already bought her dress, offer to reimburse her.

View Quoted Comment All of this!

Am I the only one who doesn't know what a "House Party" is? Lol

View Quoted Comment 👆 spot on.

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No. I had never heard of this custom until reading about it here. And I am still a little unclear about the details. But it seems like it's "2nd tier" friends who you don't want in your bridal party but do want around to perform wedding day tasks (like greeting guests).

View Quoted Comment Never heard of it in my life lol. Did a quick search and it's a southern "tradition". Basically like an attendant or low level bridesmaid. https://www.marthastewart.com/7890096/wedding-house-party-explained

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I agree with this. It's like saying that an "honorary" bridesmaid is the same honor as actual bridesmaid when one is a guest only and the other is not. This is friendship ending behavior on your part.

Ouch! I’d definitely be offended- it doesn’t have to be even.

Thanks everyone for the honest opinions. I did speak with my friend and apologized for my wrong doing. I did explain that I didn’t want her to feel like pawn and that I was fickiling her around. I was in my head going nuts trying to solve a number problem— when in fact that shouldn’t matter. Never less, I only have a “house party” because the space is very narrow. So to make everyone fit, we were going to have 4 people welcome guests into the room but still participate in everything else. I guess in my mind, I didn’t view it as anything less, but I have to understand that others will. I appreciate all of these answers. Hopefully my friend will know I am genuinely sorry, and truthfully did not mean to cause any harm. I am wrong.