Advice

Why are you rushing into a wedding and into moving somewhere you can’t afford? Slow down hun. You guys are young, what’s the harm in waiting until you’re out of school? Seems like a lot of unnecessary stress.

View Quoted Comment I agree. If you can’t comfortably afford to live on your own the two of you without it causing more stress, slow down and take your time. Lots of people have long engagements, especially when they’re young.

View Quoted Comment I can’t stay here.....trust me when I say if I stay in the house, I won’t leave on good terms 🤦🏾‍♀️. And no I’m not one of the kids just rushing to get out. My stepfather has never let him set foot past our doorstep because he’s white and he doesn’t like him even tho he’s never sed more than 5 words to him. Like I sed it’s other things I won’t get into.

I don't think two years is a long engagement when you have big obstacles to face. College isn't easy and you may want to focus on finishing the easiest part of your education before moving, marriage, homes and babies. My guess is, your mom is scared you will not finish school. School becomes harder in the face of life's stressors. A big move or a wedding can definitely get in the way of finishing even the easiest of classes.


I am 29 and figuring out my next steps in my education. The stress of trying to find the right school and program weren't that difficult until life tossed in some extras. A cross country move, a wedding and trying to conceive all have to play into my current educational goals. Sometimes I regret not finishing my BS at an early age and getting it out of the way. (Then again, my path led me to my fh so I can't be too mad). Anyway, my point is, if school is important to you, then finish it first. Education only gets harder as you get older and have more responsibility to a spouse, children and your own finances tend to increase. Just take a moment, breath, and make sure you aren't rushing your life.

Not to be mean, but it doesn't sound like you are ready to be married. If you and your husband can't financially support yourselves I wouldn't consider getting married until you are able to. Finances are incredibly stressful and can ruin a marriage so I would hate for you to go into a marriage if you can't support yourselves. Also, student loans generally take into consideration spouse's income so if you are receiving any type of aid his income would be accounted for. If it were mean, I would hold off on getting married/slash living on your own until you can 100% support yourself.

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Agreed with all of this. If you're unhappy with your home life (which, it sounds like, you are and have a right to be) getting married is not the solution to getting out. Consider your options to move out, but I really think over everything regarding your relationship at this point. Getting married at 19/20 has the potential for many more negative consequences than waiting a few years.

I agree with everyone above! I had to get out of my home too when I went to college, so I moved into an apartment with other students at school. Just make sure to consider all of your options before jumping into something. Getting married should be something that you do when you are ready in every sense of the word. If you are really stressed through the whole process, you won’t look back on it fondly.

View Quoted Comment I’m sorry you’re dealing with that, I’m just not sure how you’re going to be able to afford to live on your own when you can’t work full time, AND pay for a wedding

I moved out at 18 because I had to, so I completely understand that. It was hard, but necessary and achievable with lots of work and careful budgeting. That said, I agree with everyone else that you are looking at marriage wrong: it's not a solution to a problem. It's the next step in a long-term plan that you prepare for and then decide to do at the right time.

Move in with your fiancé now, or move in with a roommate. Get yourself on your feet and prove to yourself and your loved ones you can support yourself and are ready for marriage. *Then* get married.

I was engaged briefly when I was 21 in college. My advice is wait til after you have a full time job to plan a wedding. I totally respect you for not wanting to live together until you’re married. But having gone through a lot of stuff in my 20s, I really recommend living together at least 6 months first.

I agree with everyone. It sounds like you need to wait on the wedding and get yourself situated. I was engaged previously, at the age of 23, and we couldn’t afford a wedding. THANKFUL WE COULDN'T!! He ended up cheating on me anyway and we split! Now I am engaged to such a wonderful man and I will be 30 when we marry, after an 18 month engagement. I’m not saying this could or would happen to you, but you’re so young and need to get your life stabilized financially before marriage. Best of luck to you.

Thank you all.....were discussing it now, definitely taking every angle into consideration. I’m in no rush to be married and I don’t want it to be bcuz it was the best thing at the moment but rather that I’m ready to spend my life with him which I am. But I don’t want all the responsibility to be on him bcuz I’m in school. So either way we’ll have to wait til I get a better job or finish school.

To move in together