Advice?

Do you two want a Catholic wedding? If you do, most churches will marry a couple as long as one is confirmed Catholic. You just wouldn’t be able to have a full mass. If neither of you wants a Catholic wedding, I wouldn’t accept their money.

What a wonderful introduction to their beliefs and religion!!! “Money can anything, including a front row pew”.
How is this even a consideration?

* money can buy anything

Sounds like a lot of strings of you ask me. . .before accepting make sure you understand and know everything they are going to "control".

I think it's fine to accept if you want (silly of them to put that stipulation, imo) but only if you are both seriously ok with being married Catholic. Even if you don't convert, part of the ceremony is agreeing to raise any kids you have as Catholic. Is that something you really want (if you want kids)?

I imagine accepting will open up way too much control on their part (guest list, venues, etc, etc) They will have control over literally everything because they're paying.

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I agree, I think this is a lot of strings. It looks like right now it's just get married in a catholic church, but it'll absolutely expand beyond that.

I would turn the money down and figure out what you can afford on your own with your FH. My parents and his have both generously offered to help, but because we wanted full control of what we did and who we invited we both hold two jobs to make sure we can save enough. It's rough but it'll absolutely be worth it in the long run.

Money that comes with strings attached is generally never a good idea. If you do decide to accept it, I would give a lot of thought about what other decisions you will be allowed to make throughout your planning process, as it can quickly become a slippery slope (especially if you make decisions about decor or traditions that they disagree with).

What Stacey said. I'm in the wedding business and I've seen this a lot - any number of "stipulations" that come with the "gift" of money toward the wedding is a terrible sign. It's not worth the gamble, especially (in this case) seeing as this isn't your religion (plus, knowing everything that's typically involved with a Catholic wedding).

Giving in to this stipulation will liked lead to control-entitlement on their part and cause further issues. In weighing options, it's safer to pay for your own wedding.

Nope. Don't have a Catholic wedding unless you want a Catholic wedding. I can't believe this was even offered. It's cheapening the faith.


Also bear in mind that Catholic weddings often come with a lot of strings and logistical concerns. You may have to do Catholic premarital counseling, promise to raise your children Catholic. A lot of Catholic weddings have an awkward gap between the ceremony and reception because the mass can only be scheduled for certain times. Guests have to drive from the ceremony location to the reception because the church can't be used as a reception space.

I would be worried that this won't be the only "condition". It's also a fairly big condition if you ask me. A Catholic wedding is a lot different than a non-denominational or secular wedding. Are you okay with all your ceremony pictures being in a church? Are you okay with having a lengthy mass rather than another kind of ceremony? Giving in to this one thing could lead to more strings down the line. Catholic weddings do have stipulations and restrictions (from what little I know/the Catholic weddings I've been to) and so you may be sacrificing the ceremony you want for the sake of saving money. I would personally turn down the money.

This is a giant string to be attached, I wouldn’t do it unless you’re catholic. Personally, I’d feel very uncomfortable participating in that ceremony (as a non-catholic many of the things said may be off putting). It’s also a very long ceremony. It also would feel wrong to me overall but I wouldn’t want a religion I don’t practice represented at my wedding.

Refuse the money and have the ceremony you and fiancé want with what you can afford. There are countless people on the forum who have accepted money with the strings attached and said they regretted it because parents planned something the couple did not want and refused to allow any leeway.

Most monetary contributions towards weddings come with strings attached, but that is WAY too big of a string. I'd decline their offer

I would only accept the money if you were already considering a catholic ceremony.


As others have said, a catholic wedding implies a lot more than just the location and text of the ceremony! Churches often have strict dress codes that have to be taken into consideration when picking your wedding dress, the requirement for your children to be raised in the faith, specific pre-marital counseling (usually with their clergy), limited times/dates for the ceremony to take place, and more.

What do you want? Do you & your fiancé want a catholic wedding? I’d be extremely concerned when other stipulations start popping up. I’d politely decline if it’s not your vision. We paid for everything (except the rehearsal dinner) & so glad we did! His mom tried to tell us we couldn’t invite a certain relative & he politely informed her that wasn’t a decision she gets to make.

With us it was FI's parents. The Catholic Church will let any Baptised Christian marry a believing, practicing Catholic in the Church, though not full mass. They will not have to convert, or swear the children will. The question is, is your FI a practicing Catholic, and does he intend to be in the foreseeable future? My husband isn't and had not been for years. And the priest was nice enough to take the burden and tell everyone no, so they would stop bothering us. But if your FI is, talk to a priest. And talk to each other. Separately, see what your grandparents mean by hosting the wedding. Who makes the decisions? Ordinarily it is the hosts, but likely you do not want them ruling you out. But I know a few couples where the grandparents or parents wanted what the couple did. And thcouple was relieved to have itplanned and paid for, with most of thewrok and meetings done by someone else. Everyone here is advising you not to. Well, don't accidentally get roped in to
It. But if you or one who gets sick at the thought, and grandma and grandpa have done such things before, see about it.

I am not against organized religion in any way but I would say no so fast it would make the grandparents head spin. I would probably offend them (not on purpose) by laughing out loud when it was offered. Seriously, what next? "Well you need to name your baby Zebadiah! We DID pay for your wedding!" Even we were both practicing Catholics I would still say no. There WILL be strings in future. Trust me. They will want to tell you about the flowers, the music, everything.

Hard pass.

View Quoted Comment We were informed last night that they want me to convert and they would have control over everything from my dress to the church to the guest list my family couldn’t come because they are Baptist and our kids would have to have to be catholic. We told them that we are declining their offer and they are furious

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Good for you, that is ridiculous. I'm sorry you're dealing with this but you 100% made the right decision.

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Let them be furious! This honestly sounds like a comic/running gag. There's no way they think they have that much control over your lives. Absolutely ridiculous.

Don't tell them anything about your wedding plans. These are the type of people that will call your vendors and try to change things behind your backs. Make sure to let any vendor you hire to not allow any changes except by you, and only in writing from your e-mail address.

If they attempt to talk to you about wedding plans moving forward just say "We have things in hand, thank you for checking. We'd like everything to be a surprise so you'll see everything on Wedding Date."