Advice

I’m sorry! I don’t know the reason for why they declined but I know when my step-sister declined I know it hurt me. The tough thing is there really isn’t thing you can do if they don’t/can’t go. I tried talking to my step-sister and it got to a point where she wouldn’t pick up my calls or respond to my texts. I really hope they gave you a reason for it. Sending virtual hugs. 💕

You already sent out invites for an October wedding?

I'm sorry.

My mother declined to come, because she didn't like the invitations.

She threw such a fit to everyone in the family *but* me about it, that NONE of my mother's family came.

You're not alone.

We are a big family, so not everyone close has able to make every wedding, no matter how much ee want to. Did you find out from him, not his wife, why? The Army kept me from one brother's wedding, and too close to an injury needing Surgery kept me from a second brother's. And My first cousin, grew up on the same street, same school, was furious to I would not travel to hers a full 6 weeks out from pregnamcy due date and only 220 mile drive, supposed to be MOH. But a sister's wedding same distance, different location, I was 2 months out 4.5 years earlier, and gave birth at 2 am after the wedding, at wedding
venue then could not travel home. And she has always been mad I would not risk it. I have missed weddings I did not want to several times because I/ we did not have an extra thousand to spend, or hubby's employer would not grant an extra day off. Went to 4 last summer of Covid, but missed 4 also, others refused to take precautions
On WW a lot say, if you can't to be there you can make it happen. Garbage. Lots of times, you cannot.

On of my brothers and sister in law are coming to ceremony only (not reception) since they have to leave for another wedding later in day where she is is being paid to play cello for the other wedding... i am not upset, it is what it is, they are making it to the most important part, and thankfully my army brother and his wife can come to it all!!!

Have you talked to him? As he’s your brother and not merely a guest, this really calls for a conversation!

Do you know the reason for their decline?

I would reach out to your brother to try to find out their reasoning. My brother was in our wedding so I would have been heartbroken of he suddenly decided not to attend, but maybe your brother has a valid reason.

Call him and find out

I agree with everyone who said that you should talk to your brother. And also understand that sending the invitations so early might be the problem.

All of my siblings were at my wedding, but one of my brothers couldn't attend my sister's wedding due to a work trip he didn't want to cancel. And I didn't attend my brother's destination wedding (though I did attend his domestic wedding) because I couldn't afford to travel to Spain from the US.

So, these things happen. Is it disappointing? Yes. But I would strive not to let this damage your relationship with your brother.

Hey everyone I tried to reach out to him but he did not answer. His wife then messaged me and said not to contact him about the wedding because they were not going to attend. She used her pregnancy as the excuse for not attending. She has her baby next week..our wedding is not until October. They are very well off as my brother owns a business so that’s not the reason. What do you do with a controlling sister in law that isn’t letting him go because she doesn’t want to?

View Quoted Comment Yikes. She just doesn't want him to go. Having a 6 month old baby is not a reason to decline really...

Has his wife prevented everyone in your family from contacting him? If you aren’t able to contact him, the only solution I could see would be to have a family member talk to him. Maybe he has a reason that he can’t tell you or something. I just think you would rather hear a reason from him rather than her for not attending, just from the description you gave of her. The only other way I could see you resolving this is if you somehow made amends with sister-in-law, which seems unlikely. It is unfortunate that stuff like this sometimes happens. I just feel awful about this entire situation and I really hope it all works out.

View Quoted Comment

I'm really sorry to say there's not much you can do other than continuing to try to reach out to your brother directly (via his cell phone, email, Facebook messenger, whatever avenue available!). My oldest brother married a controlling woman and no one in the family is close to him any more. It's really sad, but he's complicit in pulling away from us, too, so it's not all on her.

View Quoted Comment Thank you guys for the advice. At this point I have enough going on with planning and family that I will count them as not attending. I do not feel like I should have to chase him down for an explanation

Since when do you not talk to your own brother, because his wife says? True, you have to accept whatever his reason is, not argue it. But he is your brother and you can talk to him without his wife's presence or consent.
Do they live far away, so he would be leaving her with a 6 month old baby that she is unprepared to care for on her own, and pulling several thousand dollars from an account already depleted for the baby?
There may be perfectly reasonable decisions, if the final one still seems awful.

View Quoted Comment This seems like a deeper issue than just the wedding - I’m not saying it’s your job to help him, but hopefully someone in your family can try to reach him. Not being allowed to talk to people by your spouse is abusive.
Does he work outside the home - can someone reach out to him there to see if they can meet for lunch on neutral ground? Is this a situation where a welfare check is needed?

View Quoted Comment I’m sorry your brother became distant! My brother had always been really close to me but after he married her a few years ago he’s just pushed us all away

View Quoted Comment He lives in Michigan and I am in Oklahoma. We sent out invites early for this reason so my family could prepare and save. My brother owns a business and is very well off so I know that’s not the reason. I think they (as in she) just doesn’t want to come. She’s one of those women that only thinks about herself and doesn’t care if she hurts others in the process. They have been married for a few years and my brother barely gets to talk to us because she gets mad and he never hears the end of it. I guess I’ll just take it as they aren’t coming and leave it at that

View Quoted Comment Hey Sam yes he’s been dealing with it for a few years now but she holds their kids over him saying if he does anything she doesn’t like she will take the kids. He owns a business and is very well off ( so well off she doesn’t have to work with 3 kids). I feel bad for him but there is nothing I can do. I guess I’ll just take it as he is not coming and be disappointed.