Happy Monday everyone. So I’m having trouble with friends/bridesmaids. I haven’t asked anyone yet but the ones I was going to ask are kinda iffy. I don’t have many friends to start and I recently had to cut a long time BFF off so now I’m down to 2 “friends”. One of them lives out of state and seems to be very busy. Initially I was going to make her my MOH but I really don’t think that’s a good idea. She’s stops responding to my text often and she just has a lot going on. The other friend is wishful washy. We just got back on good terms but she the only one I have here that would be down for “helping”. She’s also a very late person. Shows up hours late to things. Besides those two i don’t anyone else. Everyone else I do know are considered an associate. What should I do? I really don’t want bridesmaids but my fiancé has like 4 friends that will be his groomsman. Oh my lil sister is the only person that will be a bridesmaid no matter what so I really don’t count her in my “who to pick” problem.
You don’t have to have an even amount. You can have one MOH and he’ll have his groomsmen. I wouldn’t have anyone in the wedding party that would add any stress to your planning. Planning a wedding is stressful enough.
Sides don’t need to be even. There are so many posts on the forum of bridesmaid drama with picking the wrong people out of obligation who don’t have any interest in the wedding and friendships fall apart as a result. If the friends/acquaintances you have now are not super close to you, then don’t ask them. Just stick with your sister.
Just pick your sister! My FH and I both agreed that if we could change one thing about our wedding, it would be to only have a MOH and Best Man. We're great friends with our whole bridal party but the headache that comes behind coordinating a larger group of people (especially people that aren't in the best situation financially) hasn't been worth it to me. We had to almost beg people to buy their suit, get their flight/hotel room, etc.
All of you have a good point. It doesn’t have to be even and my sister is my for sure person. My friends will still be invited of course but I just don’t want the stress since I am somewhat type A and get stressed over certain things.
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Bridal parties are probably one of the most stressful things- because unlike other things you have so little control over the situation of behavior, etc. uneven is totally fine
I agree with everyone above. Designate your sister as your person, sides do not have to be even. If you're worried about planning assistance, enlist your FH. He may have lots of opinions. Or hire a planner and confide all of your dreams and specifications to him/her. Neither will give you the stress that you wrote above. Good luck.
Update: so I’ve picked who I wanted as my bridesmaids and MOH last weekend. I went with a newer friend who I met in school 2 years ago. She’s been great to me and supportive. My sister will be a bridesmaid because she’s extremely busy with school and work herself and that’s what she wanted. My friend who lives here is the MOH, she has really showed up these last few weeks with being there during this time. But you guys will never guess what happened!
So the friend from out of town spazzed on me last week after getting the engagement invitation. She said things that really hurt my feelings and down played my wedding. “I don’t know why you’re so overwhelmed when your wedding is not until the end of the year” were her words. I’m cutting her because she has brung me nothing but stress since I got engaged. She also made me cry with her comments. She already got the engagement party invitation. What to do?
Cut this spastic, self centered person out of your wedding celebrations. Send her a note or phone call. Tell her that her presence at your engagement party is no longer desired and you are rescinding her invitation. She is not your friend. Focus on the people in your life who truly care about you.
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I deleted everything from her so I guess when she reaches out maybe I’ll tell her. But honestly I don’t think she even deserves those words. I just don’t want her showing up even if I “ghost” her.
If you want better adult friendships in your life, ghosting is never the answer. I'm sorry she made you feel bad and cry, but there must be something of value in your past that deserves more than a drop off? But, don't worry, the first disappointment in wedding planning hurts tremendously, then the rest rolls off your shoulders once you accept no one else will care about your wedding like you and your partner.
If it helps, I’m keeping it simple. My MOH is my future sister in law who I’ve known for years and I consider my sister already. Best man is fiancé’s brother, also known him for years and he’s been better to me than my own brothers. We didn’t want a large bridal party and no drama, no problems.
Don't ask anyone to be a bridesmaid that you don't really want standing by your side and supporting you on your wedding day.
Originally, my husband had four groomsmen and I just had one bridesmaid. When Covid changed our plans, I lost my MOH and my husband lost a groomsmen. So I didn't have any bridesmaids at my wedding at all and my husband still had three groomsmen, and it was totally fine. In your case, I'd ask your sister and have her be your only bridesmaid. As you get closer to the wedding, you can still involve other people as you want to without them having the label or responsibility of being your bridesmaid. I had three friends help me with flowers and get ready with me the day of the wedding. It ended up being super fun and stress free. While it would have been nice to be able to have fun bridesmaids photos, it made a lot more sense to not put anyone in that role who I wasn't 100% sure about.