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Dedicated November 2020

Advice....?

April, on August 24, 2019 at 12:41 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 12

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So, I’ve been feeling really confused and conflicted lately. My sister and I have a great relationship now, and I also have a great relationship with her children. I really want her to be a bridesmaid of mine and her daughters to be flower girls in the wedding. I’ve discussed the details of my wedding with my sister and she really wants to be a part of my day and is excited. However, there’s one problem.. her husband. Her husband is the most Toxic, poor excuse for a human that I have ever met, and I don’t say that lightly.. he has burnt bridges with every member of my family.. there have been legal issues, my sister has no friends because of him, she essentially feels trapped and that’s why they’re still together.. the way he treats her and my family, and me is appalling.. oh let’s not forget that he has no job, license or car and lives in the basement of my parents house and sits at home while my sister works.. the only reason he’s allowed there is for the sake of knowing that the children are safe. ANYWAY, trying to make a long story short.. he is NOT invited to the wedding and ****% will not be invited. I’ve discussed this with my sister and she insists she will still come, im offering her a plus one, she’s allowed to bring any friend or anyone else .. just not him. Not to mention FH wants to kick his a**... SO, basically my dilemma is that we are going to do all of this preparation and planning around my sister and the girls being in the wedding, only for him to guilt trip her out of going at the last minute...... I don’t know what type of advice I’m really looking for here but just felt the need to vent 🙄 anyone else have a similar type issue??

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12 Comments

Latest activity by April, on August 27, 2019 at 7:17 AM

Dedicated November 2020
April · on August 24, 2019 at 12:46 PM
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Probably not appropriate but I have hundreds of screenshots of things he’s posted on Facebook calling my sister all kinds of names and talking bad about her, conversations between him and I, where he calls me a C***.. and of course none of this is ever said to my face or in front of FH because he only feels high and mighty when he’s talking down to women. I offer my sister all the support I have to give and I know deep in her heart she wants to leave him but I don’t know how else to help her.. and I just can’t fathom having someone like that at my wedding, especially when we’re already making cuts on people we DO want there
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Devoted May 2022
Laree's · on August 24, 2019 at 4:02 PM
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I have a cousin who is like a sister to me, we were inseparable growing up and are still very close. She is in a similar situation. The only difference is he has a home and a stable job but she is a stay at home mom of a soon to be three year old. (Our kids are 18 days apart, not planned lol) He is so controlling it’s insane! They will have a fight about her not setting out his vitamins in the morning and he will take her car keys, wallet, everything! He is emotionally abusive but like you mentioned about your sister, she feels stuck. I asked her to be my bridesmaid and one of the first things I asked was, will he let you and will he buy you the dress? She said yes but we shall see. Also, I plan on taking a girls trip to Vegas for my bachelorette and I know he isn’t going to let her go to that. My fh and him have almost had a fight on my sons first birthday and haven’t been around each other since. I’m going to allow him to come to the wedding because fh says he wouldn’t waste his time or energy on him so I’m not worried. I guess I really don’t have any advice for you but just wanted to say, I feel your pain! Best I have is just do what your planning and if it works out, great. If it doesn’t, your wedding will still be great you’ll just be shy a bridesmaid and flower girls. Good luck and I hope your sister gets out of that relationship soon!
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Devoted October 2020
8Bitbek · on August 24, 2019 at 4:03 PM
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If I were you, I'd have some sort of security or bouncer set up to prevent him from trying to crash the party. I'm sorry for the situation and I hope your sister finds the strength to leave him sooner rather than later.
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Dedicated November 2020
April · on August 24, 2019 at 4:19 PM
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Ugh! It’s so frustrating I just want her to be happy. There was a very slim chance we’d end up inviting him but there was an incident recently that set that no in stone. He’s the type too that will never see any fault in his behavior, it’s too bad.
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Devoted May 2022
Laree's · on August 24, 2019 at 4:23 PM
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Right, that’s all I want too! They sound the same I swear. So sad.
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Dedicated November 2020
April · on August 24, 2019 at 5:19 PM
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Exactly!! I guess all we can do is be there for them the best we can 🤷🏽‍♀️
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Dedicated November 2020
April · on August 24, 2019 at 5:19 PM
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That’s a really good idea!
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January 2014
Pam · on August 24, 2019 at 10:05 PM
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I don't blame you for not inviting him, but I'd be kind of nervous having him home alone while everyone else is out at the wedding.
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Super October 2019
Cassi · on August 26, 2019 at 1:27 PM
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My FH is an only child BUT his parents took in a college girl when he was real young because she had a rough home life. They helped her through school and she babysat my FH so he calls her his sister. She is in this situation. FH and I have been together 3 years and I have yet to meet her because her husband will not let her have contact with family. She is invited to the wedding and the kids are too but he is not. I full on do not expect her to be there though. I am so sorry you are going through this and her as well. I highly recommend keeping things the way they are BUT have a back up plan just in case... wish I could help more :/
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Dedicated November 2020
April · on August 26, 2019 at 2:04 PM
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That’s my plan right now, I would never exclude her or my nieces because of him but you’re totally right, I’m going to plan on having her but will make a back up plan Incase she leaves me high and dry, I guess like someone else mentioned.. worst case is I’m short a bridesmaid and a couple flower girls
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Expert June 2019
thisismrsb · on August 27, 2019 at 4:24 AM
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You can ask another woman to be an honorary bridesmaid, who can wear an outfit that includes some of the fabric from the bridesmaids dresses and can step in if your sister can't make it. I hope your sister realizes she has the financial ability to leave him.
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Dedicated November 2020
April · on August 27, 2019 at 7:17 AM
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Thanks everyone! It’s going to be a long 15 months of figuring all of this out 😂🙄
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