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Cameron
Just Said Yes June 2020

advice seeking - Covid: Question for those that planned a big wedding, but have decided to postpone the reception and get married with just family now

Cameron, on April 22, 2020 at 6:36 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11
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To the brides that have postponed your original big wedding and reception, specifically to those that are still doing an intimate ceremony now, how are you mentally handling it? How are your family members? Do you feel like you have lost some of the excitement from having your family and friends around you? Are you afraid your family will feel left out? Will you be keeping your mini ceremony a secret until the future reception?

We just postponed our June 13 wedding indefinitely (we have a backup date but haven't notified people yet). I am still wanting to get married on our original date with approx. 20 people and have the reception in a year. We hired a videographer to capture the full ceremony. My fiance wants to either wait the year or keep the marriage a secret for a year and play our wedding video for everyone at our future reception. (I'm terrible at keeping secrets though). I'm also really wanting to get married this year because my mom has lupus and she is terrified that she will catch COVID-19 and pass before she can see me be married. Any advice would be great!

11 Comments

  • Rebelle Fleur
    VIP January 2021
    Rebelle Fleur ·
    • Flag
    I think that lying to people about being married and having them believe that there attending an actual wedding and not a renewal of your vows in a year is wrong. People will understand that you had to postpone because of the pandemic. That’s inviting uncomfortable situations and unnecessary drama to your event next year. I wouldn’t lie. your event will be just as special next year if you do decide to have a smaller ceremony this year. I hope you and your family stay healthy.
    • Reply
  • Megan
    Savvy July 2020
    Megan ·
    • Flag
    We are still deciding if we want to postpone. Our wedding is July 25th. We would still get married this year and do the big wedding next year if we have to. We still have a month to decide. It looks like we will probably postpone. To be totally honest, I can’t wait to get married and that’s why we will still get married on that date; but the small wedding at the courthouse is not even close to what I want a part of me will actually be a little sad on that. I wouldn’t ever tell my fiancé that because I don’t want to think it’s him, my dream just feels like it’s slipping from me. He suggested getting married at the venue we planned and it was a good idea, but honestly it would just make me even more upset to see it empty basically. I’m accepting more and more that that might be my reality to just get married with a handful of people but it’s hard. My advice to you is, if that particular is important to you, go ahead and get married on that day with your parents there and just those family members that are the closest to you and do the big wedding later. We’re actually looking at doing it on our one year anniversary a year from now. I hope what I’m planning and my advice helps! I know it’s hard and if you’re having a bad day and sad about it, be sad. I know a lot is going on in the world right now, but this is a loss for you and you should be allowed to feel how you feel. Best of luck to you!
    • Reply
  • Megan
    Savvy July 2020
    Megan ·
    • Flag
    Oops I meant if that particular date is important to you.
    • Reply
  • Cameron
    Just Said Yes June 2020
    Cameron ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Thank you, I definitely agree that I don't want to lie to people. I just don't care for the idea of streaming the wedding. We are going to video it and we thought about posting it after we got it back, but I don't know. Thank you for your response though!

    • Reply
  • M
    Super January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    You have the "best" reason in the world now to have a very small, no-frills wedding soon, with a bigger celebration later. I strongly encourage you to have the wedding you want and not keep it a secret. There really is no upside to this sort of secret, and plenty of downsides.

    • Reply
  • Cameron
    Just Said Yes June 2020
    Cameron ·
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    My maid of honor is also supposed to be getting married on July 25 this year as well. We are all very confused and slightly saddened. I'm trying to stay as positive as possible, besides we all are going to get married eventually and we have each other and our fiances! But I appreciate it. I think I just need to grieve a little and try to find something that works for me and my fiance which isn't easy given these weird circumstances lol.

    • Reply
  • K
    Devoted October 2020
    Kristie ·
    • Flag
    My original date was March 28, 2020 and we had to postpone due to Covid-19 until October 17, 2020. We already had our marriage license and we met our officiant and photographer in a park and got married. We told our family and friends and my everyone was fine with it and just asked if we were still doing a big party.


    We had a very basic ceremony, no rings, no personalized vows so we are still doing a ceremony in October.
    You guys need to do what's best for the two of you and don't worry about hurt feelings. You can still have a ceremony if you need to postpone. This is about you and you FH, nobody else.
    • Reply
  • Lydia
    Beginner July 2021
    Lydia ·
    • Flag

    Like everyone else in this thread, I really think that what you decide to do is nobody else's business (although do be truthful about your marriage!), and that your guests are just going to be so excited to celebrate with you, regardless of when it is or what it looks like!

    Personally, my fiance and I have decided to get married on our original date with only our parents present, with a Celebration of Marriage next year. I'm still going to wear my dress. We are lucky because our pastor has given us permission to use the church, so I'm at least looking forward to a part of the day that we were able to salvage.

    Then, next year, I'm going to wear my dress again in front of our friends and family members and we will have our marriage blessed, followed by a reception and all the fun stuff that comes with that. I know it's unconventional, but I really don't care. Aside from marrying my husband, spending a day surrounded by all of our favorite people in one room and sharing in the festivities is a precious moment that you only get once in a lifetime. I refuse to let that moment be taken away from me, and you shouldn't miss out on it either! :-)

    • Reply
  • Gina
    WeddingWire Administrator April 2021
    Gina ·
    • Flag

    Hi Cameron,

    I'm so sorry you are going through this! I like the idea of getting married this year in a small ceremony and then doing something larger next year. You can share your video from your videographer at your reception next year! I think all of your family and friends will love to see that.

    I'm certain you and your partner will do what is best for you! I wish you all the best.

    Smiley heart

    • Reply
  • Cassandra7
    Super August 2006
    Cassandra7 ·
    • Flag

    Do you think 20 people are going to come to a party on June 13th? I wouldn't.

    • Reply
  • Lily
    Savvy May 2016
    Lily ·
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    I agree! Whatever you do, don't lie about it. This will cause a lot of hurt feelings and unnecessary drama. One of my cousins married a European and her family couldn't attend their wedding due to the distance. So for their honeymoon, they went to Europe and held a second "wedding" for her family. But instead of marriage vows they did a "vow renewal" at the church. The family still got to see a church ceremony and feel like they were part of the day in witnessing the vows and it worked really well. These are tough times for everyone and I'm sure you'll make the best decision for you and your fiance.
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