Advice please

Guys can sometimes be strange about who they label ‘friends.’ If I were in your shoes, I’d have a conversation with my FH about this person rsvp-ing and then not showing up, who is paying for that plate? Also, someone else could’ve taken his place.
One of my biggest worries is dealing with the rsvp cards. Some people don’t bother returning them, and just assume you will know they’ll be there or something silly like that.
My FH has some friends from high school I don’t care for, and am worried about inviting them to the wedding, but as long as you keep an open communication about how you feel and what possible outcomes could occur, hopefully this is something the two of you can resolve. I do not think you’re wrong at all! I was very careful in choosing my guests for my wedding since the FH and I are paying for it, no one else.

View Quoted Comment That's the thought process and route I am going. Thanks

I don't think I would want to invite him and his family either, but if it is important to your fiance I would. We had six people not show up for our wedding and one bring someone other than who they told us. Unfortunately I think this probably happens a lot. One of my husband's friends is like your fiance's friend and tends to be flaky. He is in med school so his schedule is rather crazy, but he had said he was going to attend. About a week before the wedding, he texted my husband that he wouldn't be able to make it. By that point there was nothing we could do because we had already paid for him to be there. We had a similar situation with my husband's uncle and his son. My husband's aunt told my mother-in-law a week before the wedding that her husband and step-son wouldn't be able to make it. She thought that was enough notice that we wouldn't have to pay for them, but it definitely wasn't so we got stuck paying for them. My husband's other aunt was also unable to make it, but we knew well in advance she might not. Her former daughter-in-law had cancer and wasn't doing well. His aunt was taking care of her grandson so the family could focus on the daughter-in-law. About 1-2 weeks before our wedding, the daughter-in-law was given only a few more weeks to live so his aunt decided it would be best if she stayed home in case the family needed anything. Another one was no surprise because it was a plus one of one of our single friends. We had debated not giving her a plus one, but decided to anyways. She told us numerous times she was going to bring a date, but ultimately decided not to because she didn't want to entertain someone she wasn't actually dating or give them the wrong impression by inviting them to a wedding. Lastly, parents of one of the groomsmen weren't able to attend because the one parent was really sick days beforehand and didn't feel well enough to attend. My husband's cousin is the one who brought someone else. The cousin and his girlfriend of like eight years broke up weeks before our wedding, but I didn't know this and she was supposed to be coming with him. Instead his brother came with him as his date. We had invited the brother, but the brother had said no because he was having surgery about a month before the wedding and didn't know if he would up to attending. He was feeling better by the wedding which is why he attended as his brother's "date."

View Quoted Comment I have a feeling that is what is going to happen. It's not just the money, it's the look FH gets when he's been waiting for this friend to show up and they chose to not be there. Anyways, thanks for the advice

View Quoted Comment I'm sorry your fiance has to go through this. Unfortunately, it sounds like this "friend" isn't really a friend at all. I think this is a relationship your fiance needs to accept isn't working out otherwise he is going to continue being hurt. I understand how difficult that is. My former best friend was originally supposed to be my maid of honor, but she dropped out of the due to stress only for me to find out she was bashing my husband and I to my family and friends. She never liked my husband because he broke up with me after five months of dating. We worked things out, but she still was hung up on how much he hurt me. While I understood she was protective as my friend that didn't give her the right to badmouth both of us. I ended up cutting all ties and communication with her. It was still hard not to have her there on my wedding day, but it would have been more difficult to have someone there that didn't accept our relationship.

View Quoted Comment His friend has been flaky before we got together, so it isn't just because of me. I have tried to talk to him about it, but he tries to see the good in everyone. Thanks for your advice though

I think it makes sense why you’re hesitant to buy if your husband wants to then i would let him and maybe just follow up again before final counts

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Given how long you have until the wedding, for now, I'd put the guy and his family on your list since FH wants them on it. However, as soon as it's possible as stay-at-home orders are lifted, I'd make a point of trying to plan/schedule get-togethers with him and his wife. Invite them to dinner, plan an outing, whatever. That will give you and FH some more chances to see their response and dependability. If they cancel on you a few more times, FH might be more open to seeing how that might impact both your budget and his feelings if they bail on the wedding too! Good luck!

I'd just mention this to your fiancé, as previously mentioned. The cost is much less of an issue than the disappointment on the day of when that person doesn't show up. I'm sure your fiancé will appreciate you've paid attention along the way to notice that it upsets him and that you care enough to bring it up now! I hope it all works out for you!

I think if your FH is close with this friend and really wants them to be there, then they should be invited. However since it is your FH's friend, they should have a serious talk with them about RSVPing in a timely manner and how this is a big deal because it's a wedding and costing a plate. It doesn't need to come off as mean or aggressive, just a genuine talk.

I understand what you mean, and I'm in a similar situation...FH's best friend is a female and he refers to her as a sister. He asked her to be his best woman. She was super enthusiastic, but then ghosts him for anywhere from a month to two before popping back up again. I'm worried she won't show up for him, literally, and he'll be crushed.

In the end, though, it's important for him to have her there, just like it sounds like your FH really wants to count on this person. We can't control this outcome, but we can share our thoughts and make sure we're heard...after that, we just have to hope for the best. Good luck, hun

View Quoted Comment Thank you everyone for your responses.


I talked it over with FH and he has had the same feeling I do. He doesn't want to be the bad guy in the situation though, and wishes to still invite the friend, their SO, plus their mom and dad. If they/he doesn't show, he will consider it the final nail in the coffin, so to speak.

View Quoted Comment Agree with this. Generally it's healthier to cut out the toxic person and have fun with those who truly care about you. Best of luck.

I would have a conversation but leave it up to FH to decide. This may be the straw that breaks the camels back if they flake this time 🤷‍♀️

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That is the best bet. Then if they don't show up your FH will know and I would never bring it up again. It will hurt enough for him. But there will be plenty of others that do show up. Good luck

Are you wrong for not wanting to ? NO but you can't pick FH friends for him and if he doesn't want to cut ties you cant do it for him. He wants to invite him and you guys as a couple want your people who are important to them there. FH thinks this buddy is so you are stuck inviting him.