Advice please!?

The only thing I think you can't control is what people do with their hair/bodies, I think that's a little much. It sucks that her hair is green, but if she's the kind of person that dyes her hair a lot it was sort of expected. I also think asking your bridal party to help set up is a lot, so that should 100% be optional. The other things she's doing sound completely inappropriate and rude. I would have the bach party YOU want, and if she doesn't go she doesn't go!

Yes. Unfortunately, just because someone is in our wedding party, it doesn't mean we can dictate how they look. Or what they participate in. We can offer suggestions, and hope for the best🤞

Obviously, you are friends or you wouldn't have asked her to be a part of the ceremony.
She probably has a strong personality to begin with I think you will just have to take her with a grain of salt.

Just remind her ,that you are a mother and you have your kids to think of ,and you think it would be best to have a bachelorette party that is a little bit more low key and then just drop it. She's more than welcome to offer her opinion and it sounds like she does that a lot, but again ,I would just let it go in one ear and go out the other and plan as you would like.

If the dress she likes is the same color as the other girls, let her wear it. Things don't have to match perfectly these days.
As for her hair, that's really her choice, not yours.

A true friend accepts others as they are. As a friend, remind her that you are the bride, and she can save her ideas to use at her wedding.

You have a vision in mind and you prefer to stick with that.
Maybe, in her own way(and mind) she's being helpful.

I just wouldn't dwell on it and keep on planning

To put it into perspective this is the dress she wanted and the one I wanted. And the hair thing...she literally told me she wouldn't die her hair. She hasn't dyed her hair in like 5 years and suddenly wanted to dye her hair after telling me she wouldn't. Also, it's my wedding since when does the bride not choose what her bridesmaids wear? When I started planning I was told that's exactly how it works.

Although it’s easier said than done, your going to have to talk to her about your frustrations privately. As far as the bridesmaid dress, you get the final say since it’s your wedding. If you want matching dresses, you get matching dresses. If she doesn’t like it she doesn’t have to be in the wedding. The same goes for the bachelorette party. If she doesn’t like it, she doesn’t have to go. I don’t think you can force her to help set up. Of course that would be nice of her, but some people just don’t want to it for whatever reason. For the hair issue, as annoying as it is that she broke her promise, I’d just let it go. That seems like the least of your worries with all the other important things you have going on.

You can choose what she wears. What she wears has nothing to do with her hair. If she doesn’t get the dress you want, she can be a guest. Everything else you just need to deal with.

I would kindly tell her that "Thsnks for all the input, but this is MY wedding. I am going to do what I want, style things how I want, and if you are unhappy please just pretend that you aren't- or drop out."

As as for the Bachelorette party- "I'm sorry but it is the MOH job to plan the event, which she's done. If you'd like to attend it is at her home and will involve____."

As for the input tell her that it is your wedding you will be following YOUR vision for it.
You can't control anyone's hair, you'll just have to suck it up about that.
As dress goes you have every right to say it's mandatory to wear the one you picked.
For the bachelorette party you should remind her you are a parent and will need her to remember that, if she doesn't come then it doesn't matter you don't need everyone at the bachelorette even if it's kind of a sucky situation.

It’s not her job to help you decorate things that is up to you and fiancé. Plus her hair is not up to you. However the rest she is being rude about.

I would tell her she can wear the dress she wants as a guest of the wedding with her green hair.

No, you can't dictate what anyone does with their hair but she also shouldn't have told you that she wouldn't dye it. The rest is just being controlling and that would so not work with me. Good luck and I hope everything works out.