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Just Said Yes June 2030

Advice please. 5 years .. no ring . Am i the problem?

Bethany, on June 27, 2024 at 6:55 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 6

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Hi everyone,
I would like some serious advice here. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years(in 3 months) and I love him very much. We share a 3 year old as well. Like every relationship, we have ups and downs, but we are still together and realize that this is what we want. We live together and have lived together for about 4 years. The issue is , it doesn’t seem like marriage is near. Have I given him too many benefits and he’s comfortable with not being married? He says he wants to get married but doesn’t know when. I feel like that’s just an excuse to not do it. Would it be fair for me to move on? I struggle with feeling like if I move on that will look like I don’t love him. I do but why not get married since we are already doing life together ? Is marriage bad ? Does it change things ? What am I missing?

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Michael, on July 5, 2024 at 10:32 PM

Super January 2024
Andrea · on July 5, 2024 at 10:18 AM
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From your description, it doesn’t sound like you’ve told your boyfriend how you feel, just that he’s said he’s interested in getting married someday. You can’t expect him to read your mind that you’ve decided it must be now or you’re out. Tell him you want to get married and want to be sure you’re on the same page. Heck, you could propose if you really want to.
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Just Said Yes June 2030
Bethany · on July 5, 2024 at 11:01 AM
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Heyy , thank you for the advice. We have had the discussion and I have made it clear. (I guess I did leave that part out.. sorry) but it’s that one minute it seems like he wants it and then the next minute, it’s a bunch of excuses. But we have had the talk before, for sure.
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CM · on July 5, 2024 at 11:14 AM
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Is it about the expense of a ring and reception? If so, can you tell him it’s about the marriage not the party and see how he feels about going to the courthouse? That will give you an idea about whether his excuses are legitimate. Personally, I would not prioritize the big party after kids, especially if I was paying for it.
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Just Said Yes June 2030
Bethany · on July 5, 2024 at 11:50 AM
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I do think it was initially about that because that’s what he once said. When I told him we can do it ringless and go to the courthouse, it turned into another excuse. His little brother eloped and his mom had some strong feelings towards it. She told him that he better not ever try it. So now all of a sudden, we can’t have a courthouse wedding. Still an excuse to me
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CM · on July 5, 2024 at 12:59 PM
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If his mother isn’t paying for a wedding then she gets no say in the matter. To me, your feelings, not to mention having the protections of marriage in place for you ought to be more important to him than her threats.

You’re right. Still an excuse. I would insist on couple’s counseling at this point.
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Master October 2023
Michael · on July 5, 2024 at 10:32 PM
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The counseling would be good to do. An outside opinion is likely needed to more the situation forward. The other option is that his mother would agree to help pay for a small wedding that could be done quickly -- so that can no longer be his hindrance. But the counseling may expose why he would have a resistance to marriage.
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