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March 2020

Advice on wedding invitations?

Gene, on February 29, 2020 at 1:01 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11
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Is it proper to add my ex wifes new husbands name as a parent of my daughter on her wedding invitations? She never knew him until she was 19 . Hes not a part of her life or anything. My name is below alone ,I'm her Dad . I'm confused by this and not pleased .

11 Comments

Latest activity by Alex, on March 2, 2020 at 2:47 PM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    I think that’s entirely her decision.
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  • G
    March 2020
    Gene ·
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    Thankyou .
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  • Rachael
    Expert May 2021
    Rachael ·
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    Everyone is very different when it comes to invitation wording which is why I went the route of "together with our families my name and my FH name invite you to our wedding" every family is different though
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  • G
    March 2020
    Gene ·
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    Yes I was expecting that , my son and his wife wrote their invitations as you said . Thankyou !
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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
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    I agree with others that, above all else, this is the couples' call. There are a lot of things they may have considered in making their choice. We were parents of the bride and we're happily married. We also paid for about 80% of the wedding. SIL's parents are divorced and neither is remarried, MOG now uses her maiden name. FOG contributed about 20% of the wedding budget. MOG has a strained relationship with all members of their family, including SIL, and did not contribute anything financially.

    Daughter & SIL wanted to use a fairly traditional approach to invitations, but also did not want to hurt anyone's feelings. They went with something along the lines of:

    Mr. & Mrs. Alan Jones

    request the pleasure of your company at the wedding of their daughter

    Mary Elizabeth

    to

    Michael Steven

    son of Mr. David Smith and Ms. Anne Anderson

    (Both his parents' names fit on the same line.) If at all possible, I'd try to be okay with whatever your daughter has chosen. There are WAAAY too many posts on this forum from couples who are stressed out by the requests/demands of family.

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  • G
    March 2020
    Gene ·
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    Yeah I'm paying 100% of the wedding. Her mom had been giving advice for invitations and pictures ect..... maybe its hurtful to me as It seems she purposely didn't send me a invitation but told me over the phone about the information. I understand it's her choice or her moms possibly ,just looked odd to me as my kids don't even know this man they live a state away . Thankyou.
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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
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    Given that additional information, I absolutely understand how potentially hurtful this is to you. But, if the wedding is less than a month away, I'd guess the greatest gift you can give your daughter is to just go with the flow for now. You seem like a great dad who has been willing to provide 100% of the financial support for your daughter's "wedding dreams." All I can say is after being on this forum for awhile (because my daughter didn't have the time or interest, but wanted my input on what was "acceptable" and then I kind of got hooked...), I've been struck by how many couples are torn apart by competing demands from fractured families. Based on that, I'd say, you'll likely be your daughter's biggest hero if you can just roll with things till the wedding. Afterwards, if you want to be sure she understands how it made you feel, and/or how you'll approach similar situations in the future, I think that's fine. (But, for the record, I do think it's really crappy that she didn't actually send you an invitation, especially if it was to try to dodge your response to the wording....) Hang in!

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  • G
    March 2020
    Gene ·
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    I understand. Thankyou so much . I'll grin and bare it .
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  • plangalCG
    VIP May 2018
    plangalCG ·
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    I have a feeling that, yes, your daughter got pressure from her mom on including that, and brides end up sometimes agreeing to all kinds of things to avoid conflict. She should have sent you an invitation...it could be she purposely didn’t want you to see that or it could be that she thought she could save money. Either way, you should have gotten one. I can see why you feel slighted, but try not to read your daughter’s feelings into it...it really does not say she doesn’t care. At the end of the day, it’s just a piece of paper, and most people looking at the invite won’t think twice. Or, they’ll think “wow, can’t believe she put that guy’s name on it. That was probably [ex wife’s] idea.” They won’t think your daughter doesn’t respect you. Honestly, I wouldn’t just let it go and focus on enjoying the wedding! Hopefully she has included you in special roles on the wedding day!
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  • G
    March 2020
    Gene ·
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    No they are L.D.S. I'm not . So I am basically just going to see them walk out of this temple . Say congratulations maybe a photo and leave. I don't get along with my ex inlaws as they made it clear they dont want to speak to me and that's fine . So her family will be going to the dinner party reception before they get married. I went 5 years ago and I was so uncomfortable and alone I'm not married. I know my ex wife told them things about me to kind of excuse herself for having an affair and married twice in 4 years .I never spoke with them but of course they will take her word . Very shady I was disappointed. Thankyou.
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  • A
    Super August 2020
    Alex ·
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    This completely depends on your daughter's relationship with the step-parent. If she was asked who her parents are, would she include him? I included my mom and step-dad and my dad, but not my dad's wife. I have a great relationship with my step-dad, and I wanted him included. My dad and I had a long conversation about not including his wife and he understood and was okay with it.

    Ours says:

    Mr. My Dad and

    Ms. My Mom Maiden Name and Mr. My Step Dad

    Joyfully invite you to the wedding of their daughter


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