Advice on postponing a wedding.

Our pastor, who is doing our mentoring, told us that the couples who get married part way through mentoring, and then try to keep up with it after the wedding, tend to have a hard time at the beginning because they weren't prepared for the expectations and other things. It depends on the person, but if preparing is important to you as a couple, stay true to it. Your families will appreciate that you're not contributing to a divorce statistic later on, you'll start your marriage in the place you want to start it, and if people have a problem with it, oh well. Everyone has a bum hole, and everyone has an opinion. Shake it off and stand by what you think is right for you. It's not about the wedding day, it's about the marriage. You have your eye on the ball!

True story, FH and I postponed our wedding a year just so we could plan better. When we first got engaged we were like yea this is great, then we got into prices and we're like listen were not breaking up anytime soon I love you and we want to get married, what's waiting one more year, well have more time to plan, have more money so stuff can be much more flexible, and honestly it was one of the BEST decisions we ever made, yes it stinks we could have been married by now, but it's so much easier to plan with flexibility. Do what fits you two best!

Almostmrsb has it right: its not about the wedding day, its about the marriage. Stay true to what is going to help you and your FH have a strong, successful marriage.

Awww I haven't gone through it, but wanted to say that is such a brave and mature decision.

I can't even imagine how difficult this is for you to have decided and now be going through.

Don't worry about anyone else! Who cares what people think. Know that those who love and care for you will understand and want the best for you.

I think it is very admirable that the two of you have been able to come to this decision together. Don't worry about what other people this. This is what is best for you

We postponed our wedding twice and are finally getting married after a 9 year relationship and a 3-year engagement... Don't worry about others, you've got the right idea to take your time and be fully prepared...

Don't worry about what others think - do what you have to do!

Marriage isn't about the big day, it is about the commitment you are making for the rest of your life. You both sound very mature to realize that you aren't fully ready. Take the time and do what you need to.

I think it shows real maturity! I don't think anyone would say or think anything. You have to do what is right for your future marriage. Will your vendors honor contacts with a year long postponement?

If you'd find it embarrassing to postpone the wedding, think about how embarrassing you'd find it to have a divorce. (I did--after nearly 20 years of marriage--and trust me, it is not easier!) Yes, it's hard now, but if postponing is the best course, you need to do it in spite of the embarrassment.

That's very mature of you both. Divorce is so difficult to go through so it sounds like you're doing the right thing!

This is so good for you two to recognize now. Congrats on being awesome partners! As for announcing it...

Let's see I think there are a few options and no doubt people will correct me if I'm not following etiquette.

Have you sent save the dates or invites? Are there a lot of out of town guests?

Option 1: Tell your moms and your best friends and have them help you spread the word. Tell them what you want others to hear and make it very clear what you don't want to be spread around (if you're shy/have secrets/etc).

Option 2: Send out a little a card announcing the postponement. It doesn't need to have a reason, just put something like.... "We're so excited to celebrate our marriage with you! But alas, it'll be later than sooner. [Insert last name here] wedding coming to you sometime next year!" It can be cutesy or not, whatever you like. But exclamations and all around cheeriness will help show that it's a good thing, not a bad one. Then again, it may lead people to believe you're pregnant. But, that's where having parents and besties in the loop can help. They can squash those rumors before they even get to you.

Option 3: Just call/email those that you know have set aside your date and kindly explain to them that your marriage counseling has taken longer than expected due to bad mentorship so you're waiting until you feel like you have solid counseling before moving ahead.

But it really depends on if you've sent save the dates or invites. Good luck!

Edit: grammar

Hugs to you!!! I think you are making a very mature decision, and I'm sure your loved ones will be supportive of that.

It's not about the wedding it's about the marriage. You are doing it for all the right reasons

Just send out a postpone. Doesn't matter if you give a reason or not, people are going to talk behind your back, unfortunately. Just have an answer prepared for when people ask.

Congrats to you guys for knowing that you needed more time. Seems like not many couples can do that and end up rushing into it. You guys will figure it all out!

I am currently going through the same thing. We set our date for Nov 11, 2018 and are now realizing we dont have the financials to go through with it. Save the dates have been sent so it feels so embarrassing to have to tell people we are postponing. But this post helped a lot!