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Tara
Devoted August 2020

Advice on Parents Pitching In

Tara, on September 8, 2019 at 2:17 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 12
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A little backstory, when FH and I began planning, we planned to pay for our wedding ourselves as we didn’t want to ask anyone for help. My parents are divorced and my mother lives out of state. Shortly after we started planning, my FIL offered to pay for the bar. After much debate we gave him the ok, as it seems it’s no strings attached. Not too long after that my MIL bought me a bouquet. I had no idea this was happening, and it upset my mother as she was planning on buying it. Once again, MY mistake for not talking to anyone- but I had no idea any of this was occurring! So my mother said that’s ok, but I want to buy your dress. Flash forward to months later, and now my dad wants to buy my dress! Idk what to do! I know both of them want to help, but only one of them can buy the dress. And if I don’t allow them to help, I know they’ll also be disappointed. Any advice?! Would it be a bad idea to ask them if they both want to pitch in and buy it?

12 Comments

Latest activity by Tara, on September 9, 2019 at 6:21 PM
  • Emily
    Dedicated October 2021
    Emily ·
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    I would start by letting both sets of parents know you are wanting to pay for majority of the wedding yourselves. I would then have a talk with your parents to see if they are both willing to pitch in to get your dress. Talk about budget and then see what they say. I think it's great everyone wants to help you out! Just set some boundaries with everyone moving forward.

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  • Tara
    Devoted August 2020
    Tara ·
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    That’s a good idea! I just didn’t want it to seem rude suggesting they split it! Thank you
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  • Heather
    Expert October 2019
    Heather ·
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    Let one of them buy the dress and the other pay for alterations!
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  • Christina
    Devoted July 2020
    Christina ·
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    I am in the similar position and basically told my parents here’s what I wish I could have but is out of budget for us and they are doing the out of budget things such as band and rehearsal dinner. His parents will lend a hand in the honeymoon. Try working it like ! “I wish I could have blank” hope this helps as it helped for me !
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  • Yam
    VIP September 2019
    Yam ·
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    One could buy the dress and another could buy the veil or accessories. They’re both putting together your wedding day look.
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  • Naikesha
    Super September 2020
    Naikesha ·
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    I agree one could do the dress the other can do veil and accessories.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    I just planned to pay things ourselves, and had paid for my dress when my grandmother told me she had been saving up. In the end, she paid for 2 gowns that were special order ones people had defaulted on. So each half price. They were intended for destination weddings, one in silver, one in ice blue. I changed into one wedding night, and wore both on my honeymoon, on a later cruise, and when we went out in Montreal. Grandmother was just as happy paying for " my trousseau" . And together they were $550, she had expected my gown to be about that, but it was a pale gold Maggie, and $1400. Maybe one of them would be happy to get you fancy honeymoon outfits, that you will wear more than once each?
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  • J
    Expert June 2025
    Jessica ·
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    If they want to help. I would give them a set amount to help out and say you are doing that because you want to pay majority of it yourselfs.
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  • Tara
    Devoted August 2020
    Tara ·
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    These are all great ideas! I will talk to them and make a decision. Thank you
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  • Jennifer
    Savvy May 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    I think it’s more than okay to have them spilt it, or even let the one who said something first pay for it and come up with something else that the other could help with. I do like the idea of letting one pay for the dress and the other maybe for the alterations and veil.
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  • Aleaj
    Expert October 2019
    Aleaj ·
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    Yes i would say they can both pay for half, or let your dad know that your mom volunteered first, and offer for him to pay for something else.
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  • Tara
    Devoted August 2020
    Tara ·
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    Just an update, I spoke to my mother since she offered first and we discussed options. She decided to let my father get the dress and she will do accessories! She was more than ok with it too. Thank you all
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