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Devoted September 2012

Advice on handling situation with flower girl's mom?

The Sealpups, on July 10, 2019 at 12:29 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 21

Our flower girls are two 3 year old girls - one is my cousin's daughter and the other is my FH's cousin's daughter (her dad will also be the best man). I asked his wife in person if little Suzie can be our flower girl. I told her that she would just need to get the dress, attend rehearsal, and the wedding (of course). Suzie's mom agreed. I dropped off a book and proposal card for Suzie at her grandma's house (FH's aunt's house) and sent Suzie's mom the link to get the dress....that was a few months ago. I noticed it took a long time for Suzie's mom to reply back but I cut her slack - she's a working mom (no excuse but it's a way to not stress so much).

It is now July, the wedding is in the beginning of September. Suzie's mom called me at midnight and texted me,


"So sorry i have not been on top of this! Do you still want her to be your flower girl? Can i just venmo you the money and you get the dress? I haven't ordered yet! Let me know!"


I normally would get it but it's another thing on my list to worry about. Right now, I'm currently going through:

- planning the wedding

- working

- job searching/networking/workshops (just graduated)

- apartment searching (FH and I have not lived together yet)

Also, I know it seems so small but the whole "you teach people how to treat you" thing comes in to mind. We are ALL busy, no matter what the circumstance. Me just ordering this dress may send the message for things in the future, especially when I have kids. If she took the time to text and call me, she can easily click on the link I gave her and order it. I think there's still time and it's not an issue. Money is not an issue either. Here's what I'm thinking of saying,

"HI Debbie! Thanks for texting me. We would still love to have Suzy as a flower girl. If you feel like it's too much and can't do it, just let us know. No worries. It's not too late yet and there's still time to order if you do it soon. I'm not doing orders. I just sent the link to the other flower girl's mom. They should also have this dress available in stores. If the dress is too much and out of budget, let me know. I have another dress I have in mind and I can send you the link. Also, we're having rehearsal on "XXX", the day before the wedding. It'll most likely be in the afternoon. I"ll be sending you details soon. Hope you guys can make it! Let me know if there's anything else I can help with!"

It seems easier to just order it but seeing how it takes forever for her to respond to text, she may spend a long time trying to pay me back. I know she intends to but that's a whole other mess.

21 Comments

Latest activity by LB, on July 11, 2019 at 4:24 PM
  • idosoon
    Devoted February 2020
    idosoon ·
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    I would say pick and choose your battles with this one. I'm like you and I feel like people take advantage and I get it 100%. Like you said, instead of texting me you should be ordering the dress. Being that you have so much on your plate, I would just order the dress and be done with the mom in that sense because in the end that may be what you have to do anyway.

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  • Jessica
    Master September 2020
    Jessica ·
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    I get your point, I would just be weary about texting and not speaking to her. She may take parts of that in a different way than you intended, and with text messages you don’t get all the normal cues like tone of voice. You’re right, everyone is busy- including you, but your wedding is not going to be anyone else’s priority, so keep that in mind too. Yes, we expect people to stay on top of things they agree to do and it’s easy to say I’m doing all this and managing, but not everyone manages time, stress, etc the same and we really never know what someone else is going through without asking. I’m not sure how you expect this to effect things when you have children, but from her perspective there could be any number of reasons it took so long to get back to you that aren’t because she just thinks you should handle it because it’s your wedding.
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  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
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    Goodness, just order the dress. It's not that serious.

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  • Brianna N
    Super October 2019
    Brianna N ·
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    I agree with PP's. Pick your battles. If I were in your shoes, I would just order the dress.

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  • L
    Lady ·
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    Just order the dress - you're making way too big a deal about this.

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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah Online ·
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    I mean, you’re saying in the time she texted you she’s could have ordered the dress but in the time in took you to write this post, you also could have just ordered the dress. I’d just order the dress and move on.
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  • Jamie
    Dedicated October 2019
    Jamie ·
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    Just order the dress. You definitely could have already ordered in the time it took you to post this and list everything you have going on. I'm guessing you don't have kids, but a three year old can be a handful. You also have no idea what all she has going on right now. And I'm sure your wedding isn't the top of her priority list. I plan to order my niece's flower girl dress for our wedding. I honestly never even considered not ordering it.

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  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
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    I have to agree with PPs here. I totally get why you are annoyed with her, BUT...this is your wedding so no matter how busy you are, it is your responsibility to "get things done." I don't feel like your text is bad, but what are you going to do if she doesn't order the dress? Exclude the poor little flower girl, because her mom didn't buy the dress you wanted? If it were me, I'd just buy the dress and move on...this isn't something worth stressing over. Plus, IMO, the bride & groom should be paying for all underage wedding party outfits anyways. Good luck with everything. I hope you are able to look past this one!

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  • Denise
    Devoted May 2019
    Denise ·
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    You could have just ordered the dress in less time than it took you to type all that out.
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  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
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    Do you want drama or do you want a flower girl with a dress?
    Order the dress and worry about it later.
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  • ASMini914
    Super September 2019
    ASMini914 ·
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    She honestly probably deleted the link or can’t find it, or is worried about ordering the wrong dress.

    I would resend the link, ask her what size Susie needs and just order it.
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  • Catherine
    Dedicated September 2019
    Catherine ·
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    Honestly, I would order and pay for it. I don't think the mom should have to pay for the dress you picked out so her daughter can be your flower girl. The dress should be your gift to her.

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  • MrsJohansson
    Expert June 2019
    MrsJohansson ·
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    Given that you already have one flower girl whose mother actually did what was instructed and with the stress you're under, I'm gonna give a different answer here and say I wouldn't bother with the second flower girl. It's so annoying when you have so much on your plate and people can't be bothered to do such a small thing like ordering a dress without you doing that for them too 🙄 Weddings and the planning that comes with it doesn't mean you allow yourself to be walked on. It's your day, if someone can't have it together to communicate they forgot or lost the link then I dunno how good it will go come the big day. Unpopular answer but life is too short to walk after people who are capable of completing easy tasks when the world is weighing on your shoulder. You could just send the link again and if she orders it, great, if not, not your problem.

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  • Jennifer
    VIP August 2021
    Jennifer ·
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    I agree with this 100%.

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  • T
    Devoted September 2012
    The Sealpups ·
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    I sought out advice from a gal who just got married 2 years ago; has her second baby on the way. She agrees its stupid and being a working"mom" shouldn't be an excuse, given I gave her months in advance with the exact dress and link. Anyhoo, as annoying as it was, she told me to bite the tongue and just get it. I had to change my afternoon schedule, got the dress, and went to the girl's grandma's house (FH's aunt) and have her try it on and left it there for her parents to pick up. That was more work for ME but whatever. Thank God the dress fit her. She was smiling and so bashful and my job is done. If they want to exchange the dress and get another size up, that's them.


    But yes, exactly. If the other flower girl's mom was able to order online and get it done (she works too) not sure why she couldn't do it and she was notified months in advanced. My worry is that I don't want her thinking this is the norm for us - doing favors bc she can't get it together. It stops being a "favor" when people aren't grateful for it and expect it

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  • T
    Devoted September 2012
    The Sealpups ·
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    I'm glad to know I'm not alone in this. By the way, I spent my whole afternoon after work picking up the dress, going to her grandma's dress to try it on, etc.. I woke up exhausted, almost fell asleep on the wheel going to work. I don't meant to sound dramatic but it's probably from all that stress from yesterday

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  • T
    Devoted September 2012
    The Sealpups ·
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    In the time she texted me and called me at midnight, she also could've clicked on the link I texted her (that was still working, I checked) and clicked on a number, "add to cart" + "checkout", add credit card number, and "place order". That's easy too

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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah Online ·
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    My point was that you’re doing the same thing you’re complaining about.
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  • MrsJohansson
    Expert June 2019
    MrsJohansson ·
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    Glad everything worked out! Smiley smile Can understand your worry going forward. Just make this accomodation the last one.

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  • Jennifer
    VIP August 2021
    Jennifer ·
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    I don't think you're asking for a lot from her. You asked the mom before asking the little girl, Mom knew she had to get a dress for her. I've never heard of the bride being required to buy a flower girl dress (unless the bride wanted to). I get that life is busy for everyone, but she needs to follow through on her commitment! At least you have one flower girl ready to go if the other's mom continues being flaky! Good luck! Smiley smile

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