J
Just Said Yes October 2020

Advice on dealing with a "non-girly" bridesmaid.

Jessica, on August 5, 2019 at 12:30 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 21
Saved
Reply

Hello guys. Lurking here a while, but I would like some advice from you guys.


So one of my bridesmaids is one of my closest friends from middle and high school and we've kept being close even through college and now after as proper adults. She said yes straight away to being a bridesmaid. She's also a bit of a tomboy, more so she's just very un-girly. She's not into dresses, makeup, fashion and all that kinda stuff. The last time I saw her in a dress was our senior prom and that was a while ago. I think she wore one to a family event not so long ago. Should I ask her to wear a dress for the ceremony? My wedding is also going to be very formal, and a "glam" wedding, so are there any good alternatives to a dress that she could wear that isn't a suit?

Also I feel as if a lot of the wedding planning process and the fun around it is a pretty girly thing, so is there anyway I can make sure she doesn't feel lost or left out. She's my closest friends and I don't want this whole thing to be a chore for her.


21 Comments

Latest activity by Jessica, on August 6, 2019 at 7:50 AM
  • Naikesha
    Super September 2020
    Naikesha ·
    • Flag
    If she accepted I quite sure she assumes she need to wear a dress. If she’s your friend just talk to her. As casual conversation hey are you going to be alright wearing a dress for my wedding or joke around and say do you love me enough to get all dolled up for my big day?
    • Reply
  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
    • Flag

    I would ask her what she'd be comfortable in. I've seen women in jumpsuits and women in a gorgeous tailored feminine suits before. I'm sure she wants to fit in, but I'm sure you want her to be comfortable too Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Courtney
    Master December 2019
    Courtney ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Agreed- lots of wide legged jumpsuits look like dresses when you're standing.

    Advice on dealing with a "non-girly" bridesmaid. 1


    • Reply
  • M
    Dedicated October 2021
    Millicent ·
    • Flag

    I think she might be willing to wear a dress for your wedding if she's worn one to other formal events.I don't think its unreasonable for her to not wear a dress or makeup on such an important day either, You are well within your rights to just ask her.

    I think she could accept that a certain level of girlyness is expected of her, and she may embrace it. At my cousin's wedding, one of her bridesmaids was also pretty non-girly, rarely wears dresses, very "science nerdy" type. She was more than happy to wear a dress and heels (teaching her to walk in heels was fun) She got her nails and makeup done and even joined us for a spray tan. Nobody demanded it of her or forced her. My cousin was quite considerate and told her she didn't need to do any of that, but she was happy to do it. Your friend could still surprise you.


    I guess you could do a bridesmaid activity that isn't really girly. Like I don't know, a shooting range, paintball or something like that. Find something that isn't so girly but the other bridesmaids and you would enjoy and have fun.

    If she won't wear a dress, and you're cool with that then maybe a jumpsuit. I've seen that as an alternative to a dress and they look classy.


    • Reply
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    Several of my bridesmaids aren't girly, but they were more than happy to buy dresses. I picked a color, fabric, and length from Azazie and let the girls pick their own dresses so they could go more their style!

    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    We have mixed genders on both sides of our party and some females that aren’t quite so feminine. I would leave the option open to her. Show her the dress(es) that you’re considering and see how she feels about wearing them. If not, you can work together to find a good alternative. Jumpsuits are a great option. I wouldn’t worry too much about the planning process being too “girly” for her. Do things as you normally would and ask her if she wants to participate in whatever it is that you’re inviting your bridesmaids to (dress shopping, fittings, etc.) If she wants to attend, great! If it’s not her thing, that’s fine too!
    • Reply
  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
    • Flag

    Since she's worn dresses for special occasions before, I'd check with her to see what she prefers to wear!

    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    I don't think it needs to be a dress. Like PPs suggested a jumpsuit would be nice or even a pantsuit. I've seen many wear pantsuits and others in the bridal party are in dresses
    • Reply
  • B
    Super July 2018
    Brittany ·
    • Flag

    One of my sister-in-laws was my junior bridesmaid and is is not girly at all. She was totally fine wearing a dress (she performs in plays all the time so she'll wear whatever). Her big concern was hair and makeup, her mom was trying to force her to have some girly hairstyle, wear fancy shoes and have some makeup. I looked at my SIL and said wear flipflops or sneakers, don't wear makeup and don't worry about your hair. My MIL death glared me but my SIL had the most appreciative look on her face. So my advice is, ask your friend what she wants. Maybe she'd rather a dress than a jumpsuit (jumpsuits aren't comfortable on all body types), or maybe she wants to wear a pants suit. Just talk to her privately and let her know you're on board with whatever she's comfortable with.

    • Reply
  • Annemarie
    Devoted October 2019
    Annemarie ·
    • Flag

    I know someone who just did a very cute matching jumpsuit for her SIL who does NOT do dresses or girly stuff. She looked absolutely stunning, still matched the other bridesmaids, and got to have her own way of standing out as the sister of the groom.

    If you choose a larger retailer like David's, you may be surprised how easily you can find non-dress options that will still match your bridesmaid dresses!

    Don't assume though. If you do want to give her the offer of not wearing a dress, don't state it in a way that you're making the decision for her. Give her the option, let her know you don't want her uncomfortable and that you are comfortable with either a dress or a matching jumpsuit.

    • Reply
  • M
    Devoted October 2019
    Melodie ·
    • Flag

    Ask her what she is comfortable wearing. Maybe she could wear a jumpsuit (they make really formal ones that look like gowns.) I'd be open to her wearing a suit too, and matching the groomsmen. It's okay to ask for a certain level of formality, so feel free to make it clear that it will be a formal event, but then let her decide whether or not she wants to wear a dress.

    • Reply
  • Melissa
    VIP September 2019
    Melissa ·
    • Flag
    If she’s that close with you, I would assume she would wear a dress for the wedding for you. I’m not a girly girl by any means and basically only wear dresses for special occasions and own no makeup except for chapstick. I feel like with weddings most people do dress up and she probably knows that being in a bridal party entails a dress.
    • Reply
  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    I'd just ask her. Jumpsuits are fine but if your wedding is formal you should allow the suit. All the eyes are on you anyway so it doesn't really matter
    • Reply
  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
    • Flag

    She may want to wear a dress for your big day, I would definitely ask. If she isn't into it though, would she feel comfortable in a tux like the groomsmen? May you could find a classic jumpsuit to match the dresses.

    As for non-girly girls planning a wedding, my FW is not so much butch but definitely not what people think of as girly. She loves planning our wedding with me. She has her own ideas, but if she likes mine she often tells me to run with it. Your friend might have the same kind of outlook on it. Run ideas by her and see if she wants to help you execute your vision. If not, I'm sure she can help in other ways if she is able.

    • Reply
  • Melissa
    VIP October 2018
    Melissa ·
    • Flag

    All you can do is ask her. If she's comfortable wearing a dress for you, great! But if it's an issue, ask her how you can make her comfortable. Jumpsuits are a great idea, or even a tux if it swings that far. As for the girly events, that's another place where all you can do is ask and invite. If she's down, she's down! If she says something isn't really her thing or she feels uncomfortable, she'll say something. If you're close enough to this person to want them to stand with you, just open up that communication. It's your wedding and you shouldn't be bending over backwards to accommodate everyone, but as your friend, you should be able to have a little flexibility for her with no issue. Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
    • Flag

    Ask her how she feels about wearing a dress. If she does not feel super comfortable, there are wedding jumpsuits that might work for her. We have a BM in our wedding that is not super girly and never wears dresses, so we asked her if she wanted to wear a dress, a jumpsuit, or a regular suit. She actually chose the dress. So you may be shocked at her decision.

    • Reply
  • Eva L.
    Dedicated January 2021
    Eva L. ·
    • Flag
    A jumpsuit would be a good option if the dress is out of question. But If you make exceptions with her, the other maids might expect the same treatment and things could get a little out of hand. I’d ask her if she is okay wearing a dress.
    • Reply
  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
    • Flag

    Can she get a jumpsuit instead of a dress if she doesnt want to wear one? I've seen some that are super cute! https://www.theknot.com/content/bridesmaid-jumpsuits

    • Reply
  • K
    Savvy June 2022
    Karyna ·
    • Flag
    If she doesn’t like dresses, don’t make her wear one. There are some cute looking pantsuits out there that she might feel better in.
    • Reply
  • J
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Jessica ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    That looks gorgeous!

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

WeddingWire article topics