Advice on bringing up father/daughter dance

Probably shouldn't have said neither of us are emotional, more like, we don't....talk about emotions haha. I've also been a tomboy my entire life so he has no idea how to talk to me about wedding stuff and IF we do a dance it would probably be something odd and unconventional like something by the Smashing Pumpkins but the thought of even asking is making me anxious fehhh.

I felt a bit the same asking my dad. Not a super emotionally driven family lol. We decided to go with tick tock by the Vaughan Brothers. Unconventional but we used to sing it in the car when i was little.

That's really sweet, I'm a little relieved others have been in a similar boat, thanks for commenting

You never know without asking. Maybe this is something dad has given some thought to and really would like to do. Some of the most tattooed people I know are the most sentimental. As for the tux, would he feel more comfortable in a regular suit? I get the feeling he doesn't typically wear one, but sometimes a suit is easier for a man to wear than a tux. Who cares if the song isn't conventional? Quite frankly, it will be more fun if it isn't.

Thank you for reaching out, you're absolutely right, my best friend said the same thing she has known my dad well since we were kids and she said he may want to but I'll never know if I don't ask! And he tried to bring up the suit thing but my FMIL said she wanted all the men in tuxes for sake of matching and such.....he was cool about it (my dad is a sweat pants and t shirt kinda guy) .....My dad didn't go to any of my graduations and he and I spent the last couple Christmases drinking beers over TV dinners with no presents and watching Netflix in his shabby apartment so the whole wedding thing has been quite bizzare but it'll be okay

Since you've said the two of you don't discuss emotions, maybe deep down he really wants to do it but doesn't know how to bring it up.

That's a good point, too, thanks! I'll end up asking, if he says no that's fine and at least I'll know!

My dads not an emotional person person either, but I brought it up and we agreed on "suspicious minds" by Dwight Yoakam bc we used to dance to it when it would come on when I was little. He was relieved I didn't want a conventional song. But yeah, he might want to do it with you but won't bring it up. My dad didn't mention it till I talked to him about it, and now we talk about that specific part (and he stays out of the rest)

Haha, Aw that's awesome, again it's nice to know others were in the same boat, good choice too!

Ask him if he wants to do father/daughter dance. You could always cut the song short so you are only dancing for a minute and a half not 3-4 minutes

My daddy (stepdad) and I have had a very similar relationship where we love each other unconditionally but don't express it enough with words and I grew up as a tomboy myself. He doesnt like to dress up too much, and hates dancing in front of people or being in any kind of "spotlight" The only time he's ever been in a tux and danced in front of hundreds of people was for my 15 (that's the only reason I know he'll do it again). For me it's hard to bring up the walking down the aisle and father daughter dance with him because he doesn't want me to exclude my bio dad. But when I have brought it up I can tell it is something he's given thought to and just his responses as simple as they are make me happy.

I would suggest bring it up, as PP mentioned it might be something he's given thought to and is just waiting to be included. It definitely doesn't have to be a slow song it can be jazz or rock whatever suits ya'll best and where you can share a moment with one another

Aw, that's nice, your stepdad sounds awesome and yeah, the whole being in the spotlight thing is a big part of why I feel like he may decline. I felt the same way about my first dance with the FH - I vehemently didn't want to because I'm awkward and hate being the center of attention but I would hope anyone watching wouldn't be a judgy jerk (we picked something by Depeche Mode for our first dance, kind of excited to see how many raise an eyebrow to that haha!) But yeah, you're right. And Michelle you made a good point about cutting the dance short, FMIL said we could do it where after like 1 min in they include ALL the fathers and daughters to join us but I feel like that would make me more anxious worried people just wouldn't and it would be odd haha but cutting it short is something I didnt think of.

I felt very odd asking my dad about walking my down the isle and actually avoided the topic until he said "I still need to get my clothes, i am assuming I'm walking you down the isle?" It kinda made me realize it's something I needed to ASK him no matter how uncomfortable.

My dad and I are the same. We're very close, but don't talk about our emotions, etc. I went ahead and asked (more like, I just asked what song he wanted for the father/daughter dance, knowing he'd tell me if he didn't want to do it). He told me to pick whatever song I wanted. I said I would. We hung up. About 15 minutes later, he called back and said to let him know as soon as I picked a song so he could practice. LOL. I thought it was so cute. I live 1500 miles away, so we won't get a chance to practice together until a couple of days before the wedding.

Ask your dad. He might actually be looking forward to it, but doesn't want to bring it up for the same reason you don't.

One question... why is your FMIL in charge of what your dad wears? If it was me and dad is more comfortable in a suit dad would be wearing a suit. No matter what.

Since it sounds like you and your dad are kinda non traditional just pick like a fist pumping song have some fun

Thanks guys, really appreciate all the experiences being shared and kind words. Hopefully when I ask it goes equally as well! Cheyenne, the FMIL is paying for a majority of the wedding and she has a strong personality where as I don't wanna make waves. :/

((but I get where you're coming from, my dad is just as important as the FH's parents so he should get his way, too, honestly I feel like I'm getting pulled in certain directions sometimes but I just smile and nod my head to not....make waves. FH and I live 8 hours from them and I feel like because he doesn't see his mom and family often she should get her way on certain things as I see my dad every other weekend or so, but still, I do feel like a pansy sometimes just trying to please the other side of the family.))

My friend and her father were in a similar situation. They had the formal groom/mother dance first and for the father/bride dance they danced to the beach boys and after a few verses the dj invited all of the guests to join them and finish off the song. The bride planned it with the wedding party so they would be there to jump in and dance right away in case the guests were hesitant. As for talking to him there's no easy way to disrupt the status quo! Just bite the bullet and explain that the FMIL wants to do it, but be sure he knows he has an option and either way he won't hurt your feelings. Families are hard to work with no matter what!

So my dad and I have a strained relationship. We were never close when I was young and he has been trying to make up for lost time. This has been a touchy subject for us as well - one that I have not sorted out yet.....