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Beginner June 2022

Advice needed

Lauren, on May 3, 2022 at 6:44 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 6

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I am having a very small intimate wedding in June for just parents, siblings, and kids. My cousin (who was once extremely close to me like a sister) was also invited with her children. She has rsvp’d that she would come, then had something to come up, and has now said she will definitely be there. Problem is I never wanted to invite her fiancé, but did so because of etiquette. After some long discussions with my fiancé, I told her yesterday when she rsvp’d that I would love for her and the kids to be there, but would prefer for him to not attend. Her fiancé has made many racist comments in the past (I’m in an interracial relationship), and with us only having about 10 people attending, I felt someone with that mindset does not need to show up and fake happiness. My fiancé also finds it odd to invite people he has never met. My cousin understandably blew up at me yesterday and has told me to cut her and her children out of her life. Does anyone have any advice on how to rectify the situation? Or at least salvage the relationship with the children (I have 3 children myself)

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Lauren, on May 4, 2022 at 1:21 PM

Dedicated July 2022
Mandi · on May 3, 2022 at 8:37 AM
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Instead of not inviting him. You should of had the conversation with your cousin first about the issue. I understand that it’s a tough subject but perhaps you should talk with her one on one(not by phone) and discuss with her the situation and why you felt like not having him there, but remember also, he is apart of her life too. I’d hate to see something shattered with you and your cousin but try to discuss it and go from there. If you still feel that it’s not right or can’t reach an agreement with her than perhaps it’s time to cut ties for a little and pray about the situation. I wish you the best and good luck.
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Devoted April 2023
Lucy · on May 3, 2022 at 10:08 AM
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The etiquette is one thing but a spouse/romantic partner of a guest being racist, violent, well known for starting drama or fights on the regular, abusive or publicly stating they don't like one or both halves of the couple are exceptions that warrant that you break it.
While I agree with Mandi that "you should of had the conversation with your cousin first about the issue", I wanna add that you not inviting him is nothing but normal.
Her feelings are not valid because I assume she knows her guy has made racist comments . I'm not sure why she would even think you're wrong on this...
Stand your ground because sure: you want her to be there but your future husband and yourself come first!
The fact she doesn't want to come without him is understandable, but so is your decision.
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VIP August 2021
Michelle · on May 3, 2022 at 1:23 PM
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Don't bring a racist to your interracial marriage celebration. Periodt. When your cousin accepts her humiliation of having a fiancé she can't bring around family, she'll realize how absurd she is to guilt you on your day.
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Dedicated July 2022
Mandi · on May 4, 2022 at 12:13 AM
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I definitely agree with what you said. Totally didn’t think about the part that the cousin already knew. That changes it up
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on May 4, 2022 at 2:58 AM
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The responsibility for her fiancé not being invited rests on him for his racist comments. This is not on you. I would not have him there either.
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Beginner June 2022
Lauren · on May 4, 2022 at 1:21 PM
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Thank you all for your responses! I regret just not inviting them when I was sending invites (family pressure didn’t help), but I stand by my decision. I feel bad for my children being affected by her shunning us, but maybe it will either all work out or be for the better.
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