Advice needed re: recovering alcoholic

I had a friend who's father was a recovering alcoholic. At her wedding, she held off all alcohol until he was gone. They had talked and planned that he would leave immediately following dinner. It was what was best for him, and for her peace of mind.

What I'm getting at is: before you make a decision, have the hard conversation with her. Like VM said, she is an adult and has to make the choice for herself. I think she will be touched to know that you are considering her needs in the grand scheme of wedding planning.

Good luck!

She is an adult. This is not something you should worry about.

ETA - I think this sounded harsher than I meant it. I am just saying, I don't think there is anything you can/need to do. If she is back on the wagon, she should take responsibility and be able to resist the urge. Celia's suggestions of sparking cider for the toast is a good idea too!

It's so kind of you to think about her, but you really can't control her choices. I'd make sure that there is plenty of choice in non alcoholic beverage, and ask her if she'd like maybe one staff person to know that she'd prefer sparkling cider for the toast, so it can be handles disceetly and comfortably for her.

Maybe (if anything) you can put some sparkling cider or something like that in addition to the wine on her table so she still has something to drink. That way the other guest at the table still have wine. But I would talk to her first and see if she feels the need to be away from it. I have been around some people who were on the wagon but being around people drinking didn't temp them.

I don't think removing the aclohol from her table will make a difference. She can walk up to another table and snag a bottle. Or head to the bar.

I like Rosemarys idea.

We have a few family members as well as friends that are coming to our wedding that are in recovery. By not putting a toasting glass or wine at her table will single her out and possibly make her feel uncomfortable if people at her table (assuming they don't know) are questioning why they didn't receive the wine or whatever. I think the best thing to do is have a honest and open conversation with her about your concerns. Maybe have her bring a sober support like a sponsor as her date to the wedding if you can afford an extra plate.

My recovering friends/family know it is an open bar. I've been open and told them I understand if the temptation is to much and they don't want to come to the reception that is fine. I've also requested for the champagne toast that waiters ask if guest prefer sparking cider or champagne.

Unfortunately, there's really not much you can do. We invited a friend of DH and his long time GF to the wedding after we heard she was in recovery. I have kicked this woman out of my home before for acting ridiculous. Her BF just throws his hands up and walks away from her.

At the wedding, she was at a 6 top table, but 2 backed out so it was them and another couple and that other couple told me she showed up wasted. She was a mess at the wedding. Falling, having to be babysat by other guests, pulling me away from other guests. Ugh I feel so bad just thinking about it. I know she got flagged and rumor is, escorted out.

Thanks for the advice ladies. I will talk to her about what's best for her. I like the +1 idea, I'll offer that to her as well.

My friend's daughter just got married and her husband in an alcoholic as well. She simply asked him not to drink. She explained, that there will be alcohol and he can choose to come or not based on how he feels he can act/control himself. She gave him the choice. He chose wisely, came and did not drink. She should be a responsible person yes, but it is a disease. Someone should keep and eye out just in case. If they see her getting crazy, they should steer her to a cab.

I think it's terrific that you're so supportive of your aunt. However, keeping wine bottles off of her table will only make the other guests wonder which table mate has the drinking problem, plus your aunt will think you don't trust her. If she is serious about her recovery, she will likely attend AA meetings leading up to your wedding.

Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do. Alcoholics realize that they do live in a society in which alcohol is prevalent -- it's at parties, restaurants, and weddings. It takes work and a commitment to your own body and life, but I know several recovering alcoholics who have been sober for decades. Best of luck.

My mom has been a recovering alcohoic for 25 years, and (to her credit) has not once fallen off of the wagon, that I know of. At holidays we always have sparkling cider for the kids and non-alcoholic wine for my mom. We will do the same at our wedding.

In the end it is up to her what she will do. Make sure you give her options such as the sparkling cider or non-alcoholic wine. It will help her to feel included and she will have an option to choose. It will probably also make her feel good to know you care and are trying to help with her sobriety.

Thanks Centerpiece and FutureMrs.DCT (and all of the ladies prior, thanks again!). This is a tough one for us but you ladies are right. I just need to talk to her. Our family is aware that she is a recovering alcoholic, so I would sit her with my parents and grandparents who are not heavy drinkers and would not mind the cider. I will see what she wants to do and feels comfy with. She can definitely have a +1 so I will also tell her that. I don't want her to think that I don't trust her because I do, I just want her to be as comfortable as she can be.