Advice - how to tell friend they aren't a BM

Just don't ask her to be a BM? Why make it an issue?

Did you tell her she could be a bridesmaid? I just wouldn't ask her.

I don't think you should mention it unless/until she does. And if she flat out asks you, just tell her you can't wait for her to be guest and celebrate with you but not as a BM. You can even use the excuse that you wanted her to be able to focus on her wedding and feel no pressure about being a BM two weeks before her wedding.

Don't mention it unless she brings it up, otherwise it'll sound like you're rubbing it in her face.

Don't mention it. If she asks, just tell her that you already decided who would be in the wedding party. No need to elaborate or have a huge discussion about it.

Mentioning it only creates a problem that you are instead trying to solve.

I disagree with PPs. You need to tell her, especially if she's been your friend for that long. Avoiding the issue and being passive aggressive is going to ruin your friendship.

I agree, I would just not ask. My best friend growing up, who is a BM in my wedding, did not ask me to be in hers and called me to explain why, and to be honest I think that was harder. I thought she was calling to ask me, and instead she goes into this big explanation why she wasn't. I understand her reason now, but I was really hurt. I think it would have been easier had she simply left it alone...I would have taken the hint, and have enough manners not to ask.

I agree with the others, don't bring it up. She will probably figure it out on her own. If she does ask you about it, mention that you don't want her to have to worry about it with her wedding so soon before but you hope she can attend as a guest.

It's not passive aggressive unless she asks and gets an indirect answer or a put off. If you aren't asked, there is your answer.

I know this isn't the immediate answer to your question, @OP, but have you mentioned your friend any concerns about her marrying someone so controlling and potentially abusive?

Oh I really like that @beautivant. She has semi mentioned it like "oh when are we going to go shopping for your BMs dresses?" and stuff like that. I have never mentioned her being in my wedding (initially I was only going to do sisters) so I think I might need to say something but maybe I don't? I wouldn't tell her the reason is her groom or anything like that. So maybe I don't say anything until she brings it up again? My wedding website is going to go live soon with my BP listed on it...

Honestly take her to coffee and let her know what is up.

I am getting married 6 weeks after my friend. She's in my wedding but I'm not in hers. She is doing family and a group of girls who've known each other since they were 4. It's totally ok. I'm great with being a guest!

I came here to also say, if she asks, use the whole "I want you to be able to focus on your own wedding" line. I'm sure it's at least partly true, and avoids a lot of drama.

@danielle, yes, unfortunately I have in every way I can possibly think of, even before they officially started dating since I knew him from hs and wasn't enamored. They've now been together 5 years (during which I have continued to tell her my concerns and offered her help in leaving if she chooses) so I figure now that they are engaged, all I can do is shut up and accept it, as hard as it is for me to watch. I have even considered stepping down from being in her BP because I disagree with the marriage but I know it won't make any difference and will just end our friendship. It really really sucks TBH.